When you need a break, what do you do?

@MarieCoyle (28953)
April 22, 2024 12:02pm CST
Sorry, this is longer than I intended it to be! Normally, I would say to someone asking me that, well, just take a break then! Sadly, it doesn't always work that way, does it? I am a 'never give up' type of person. When I have an obligation, a task, a love for a person, it just isn't in me to give up. I'm not giving up on my son and trying to help and care for him when he is really sick. Some days, he's better than other days. Many days, he isn't so good. So, it's rather difficult, mostly impossible, for me to get away for more than a few hours now and then. And yes, I am very thankful when I can refresh myself and get away for those times. I got really, really brave the other day. My children of course have a father. (All have the same father, in case someone wonders). He moved to Florida when we split up. He has a good income, lives a very good life, doesn't lack for anything. Owns a home with an inground pool, a very nice home in a beautiful neighborhood. He lacks for nothing. One of our children lives in Florida, the other three live not far from me. We do speak, we are civil to each other, and don't ever fight. We decided when we split up that we would do that, for the sake of our children and grandchildren. There would be, and have been, many times when we were expected to be in the same place, at the same time--weddings, funerals, graduations, birthdays, and on and on when you have 4 children. It's always worked out for us this way. He has a significant other who is very nice, no issues there at all. They suit each other well. He isn't much of a father, I know that. He treats his children more as a friend at a party than a father, for the most part. But I did get brave, as I said--I asked him if our son could come down there for a visit for a week or two, so I could just have a break, some time to myself and to visit with some other family and friends. He didn't even consider waiting for a decent time to answer, or even think about his answer. It was just a resounding NO. All kinds of excuses--not enough time, he was busy at work, he wouldn't know what to do with him(our son is a grown man, he doesn't need to be entertained!) He takes time for the other kids. He has endless pool parties with endless cocktails. He has time for everyone else, but not a son who is sick? I wasn't asking for a permanent thing, just a break. It has been 18+ months... and I don't think it's selfish. But he said no. I did not tell my son that I asked his father if he could visit, because then I would have had to say that his father said no. I just couldn't do that. I have redoubled all of my efforts. I pray about it all, I take my son to all of his procedures and appointments and all the medical stuff. I have made so many trips to the ER it's not funny. I have spent endless days and nights hovering over him when he's been in the ICU. His father has never bothered to come, although I always let him know when our son is that sick. He sends his best wishes. We named this son after my husband's grandfather. He's always been so proud of all of our children. But now that this one is so ill, he says he is uncomfortable around sick people ( yes, he is!) and he just can't do it. I wanted to call him at least a wimp, but I held my tongue. Yes, it was hard! So I guess I will continue to get my breaks in little snatches. I find I must do this, as I just need time to collect my thoughts and have my own little ''me'' time. Maybe this is selfish, but it's necessary, and I do come home refreshed--even if it's just a few hours. That song, ''True colors'' come shining through comes to mind...
13 people like this
11 responses
@celticeagle (159441)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Apr
It is a good trait to have. It is also very important to remain friendly, especially when you have children. Being around sick people is not an easy thing for anyone. But his own son? That is something he will have to live with. I hope that your son is improving. Sometimes just a short walk up the hall(if in the hospital) can refresh a person. Time to collect your thoughts and, what I call "regroup" a little.
3 people like this
@celticeagle (159441)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Apr
@MarieCoyle .......Oh, good.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
22 Apr
I found a friend to stay with him so I could run some errands. It worked! I have one more hour!
3 people like this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
24 Apr
@celticeagle I sang in the car. I had a fresh black coffee. It was a nice time.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (95622)
• Marion, Ohio
22 Apr
Sorry he won't visit with him and give you a break. You need to find a way to get time for yourself.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (95622)
• Marion, Ohio
22 Apr
@MarieCoyle I know it's hard to think of but is there a place he could stay for a few days. Not a full nursing home but something along those lines.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
22 Apr
I’m working on it. I got someone to stay with him for 2-3 hours so I could drive to the furthest CVS in my area(27 miles) to pick up his scripts. A quick Aldi run for a few things and then back , but a break is a break at this point. Thank you.
3 people like this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
23 Apr
@wolfgirl569 We cannot locate any place like that at the present time, they are full with waiting lists, unfortunately.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (458976)
• Switzerland
23 Apr
Your husband is really selfish, he should understand that you need a break. This son is also HIS son, he is not only YOUR son, but he does not even want to find a little time to take care of him. I am really sorry. I hope you can find some "ME" time during the week, just to rest and relax.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (458976)
• Switzerland
24 Apr
@MarieCoyle - Your ex-husband sounds a lot like my brother. The world turns around him, he only does what he wants and when he wants. I know, we cannot make those people feel compassion and stop being selfish, I fear it's just their nature.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
24 Apr
@LadyDuck When he hit what we often call mid-life crisis, those tendencies took over and never left him. He wants only the best of everything, and thinks he deserves it.
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@MarieCoyle (28953)
23 Apr
His selfishness is pretty much what ended our marriage. He just thought of himself first, the last few years we were together, it was all about HIM. What he wanted to do, what he wanted buy, and spending money. My son has the love of his siblings and me. He knows how his Dad is, I guess I was hoping for the impossible. But you cannot make someone care, or show love. It's either there or it's not. Thank you, Anna.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (326093)
• Rockingham, Australia
23 Apr
That is really tough. A father in name only it seems. Sending prayers and positive vibes that you'll continue to get at least little breaks.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
23 Apr
Oh, I take my little breaks, whenever it’s possible! Thank you, Judy.
2 people like this
@dya80dya (33641)
22 Apr
This is very sad. My father is like that. He played with other children, but he never had time for us.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
22 Apr
I’m really sorry, Diana. Sometimes when people show their true colors, the picture just isn’t pretty.
2 people like this
• Cloverdale, Indiana
22 Apr
That's so rude of him to not take time off to help you even though he help MAKE him that's just not right. I would never talk to him ever never again cause he's suppose to be there for you in times like this does he pay ANY child welfare or support to you? I know it's none of my business but DAMN.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
22 Apr
I won’t not speak to him, because that would not be good since he is their father. I would love to tell him what I really think. But I know him. He is self centered and selfish, I have known that for years now. I guess I had a wild idea that he might like to spend some time with his son. Unfortunately, that was not a good idea. My children are all adults, no child care payments.
2 people like this
• Cloverdale, Indiana
23 Apr
@MarieCoyle Well if that's the case I guess it's best to not even bother to ever ask him again.
@MarieCoyle (28953)
23 Apr
@2ndchances24 No, I won’t be asking him again. In the way of things, I know some day his father will really regret that he did not take time to be with his son, and by then it will be too late.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (134527)
• Roseburg, Oregon
23 Apr
You are a good mother and I sure can understand you needing a break. Everyone needs a break even if it is just one hour for themselves. I will say a prayer for you.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
23 Apr
Judy, I did manage about 2 1/2 hours this evening. The pharmacy finally had son's meds, only it wasn't the right location as usual...this prescription thing here is so frustrating. We have a gazillion Walgreen's and CVS places almost on every corner--and they are all in a snarl. Anyway, I had to drive to the furthest CVS in my area to get them...54 miles round trip, which is ridiculous. Hopefully next month this won't be an issue anymore, but time will tell. Thank you for the prayers, much appreciated.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48534)
• Canada
25 Apr
You are following your heart, that is what parents should do. Your son is very lucky to have the dedication that he has from you. I am sorry that you do not have anyone that you can count on for a few hours when you need it for a break.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48534)
• Canada
26 Apr
@MarieCoyle You're welcome.
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@MarieCoyle (28953)
25 Apr
Thank you, Julia. I truly appreciate your encouragement very much.
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@paigea (35717)
• Canada
24 Apr
Wow, at least he could visit. That wouldn't help you much, but I'm sure your son would appreciate that gesture.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
24 Apr
I'm not sure if he would or not, to be truthful. He just doesn't talk about his Dad much at all anymore. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (157044)
• United States
23 Apr
I'm sorry your ex won't spend time with his son. I hope you can find another way to take a break for yourself. You deserve it.
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@LindaOHio (157044)
• United States
24 Apr
@MarieCoyle You're very welcome.
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@MarieCoyle (28953)
23 Apr
Thank you, Linda. I am trying to think things out and take advantage of the tiny breaks when I can get them.
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@grenery8 (2445)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
24 Apr
nice song to describe certain people. you know, i am sure you are brave and you sounded like that, but it made me sad that you got no, for just one week to have a rest and for your son to change environment a bit. enjoy in your rituals and i pray that you stay this strong.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28953)
24 Apr
Like I said, he showed every shade of his true colors! Thank you so much.
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@grenery8 (2445)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
26 Apr
@MarieCoyle indeed. welcome!
1 person likes this