Is your birthday a big deal?

United States
April 18, 2007 12:19pm CST
Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider my birthday a big deal. I'm turning 28, not 8. My inlaws are frantic about getting together to celebrate my birthday and honestly, its just not a priority in our lives right now. 1. I work full time 2. I'm 35 weeks pregnant 3. I have a 15 month old 4. I have plans to spend a day with my husband for my birthday (we even have a sitter) and that's ALL I want for my birthday. My mother in law is saying she's going to show up at my house in the middle of the night with a cake, etc. I don't get it. Honestly, she stresses me out and I'd rather not get together with them for my birthday. I'm not sure how to handle this one. I e-mailed her and told her that for my birthday I just want to sit in my recliner and watch my little girl play with her toys. We're always running here and there or having people over or doing something. Is it too much to ask to have a nice quiet day at home for my birthday? I hope I didn't offend her (not hard to do). I would love some comments.
8 people like this
23 responses
@maximax8 (27053)
18 Apr 07
I am also 35 weeks pregnant. I think your mother-in-law should respect that you do not want a geat fuss for your birthday. Perhaps birthdays mean more to children then they do to adults. I think it would be fine for you to ask her for a quiet day at home.
• United States
18 Apr 07
Congrats! When are you due? Exactly - I'd rather focus birthday parties on my kids, not myself. I hope she understands.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (27053)
19 Apr 07
My baby is due on 20th May. It is my son's birthday today 19th April. He is 12.
1 person likes this
@lafavorito (2970)
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
Yes it'a a big deal fro me to celebrate birthdays because we never know if we'll be able to celebrate next year. I undesrtand that you just want a small celebration with your family but you're lucky that your inlaws like you so much they want to celebrate your birthday. Maybe you could ask her to come over instead, insist that you don't want a big and noisy party, just a small family get-together will do. Please celebrate your birthday, you'll never know..
1 person likes this
@vebela (310)
• United States
18 Apr 07
Honestly, my birthday hasn't been a big deal since I was a small child because it's in the middle of June, which is graduation season for just about everybody. My birthday just got pushed aside to celebrate other people's accomplishments. I don't mind because I don't like to make a big deal out of it anyway. For you, maybe your mother-in-law thinks she is making things easier for you by planning the celebration for you instead of having you plan everything. But, it is your birthday, and you're entitled to celebrate (or not celebrate) however you want. I think that you just need to make it clear that things are really hectic right now, and you honestly just want a day off from all of it for your birthday. If she still insists, well...she is family. And, because she's your husband's mom, I would probably either have your husband talk to her, or suck it up and grin. The last thing I would want is to cause friction between me and the in-laws on my birthday.
• United States
18 Apr 07
Yeah, I agree. A fight with my mother in law wouldn't be the best birthday present. I hope I can get her to understand. I'm sorry your birthday always got overlooked. Often mine is around Easter so usually we just celebrate it with Easter. This year I wasn't so lucky...
1 person likes this
@whywiki (6070)
• Canada
18 Apr 07
I don't see the big deal about them anymore either. To me it is just a hassle and a disturbance to the everyday life. I don't think I'm more special on that day then any other day. I didn't always feel this way, when I was a kid I looked forward to two days a year, Christmas and my birthday. Now I don't really care about either, but I go through the motions to please others. I don't even tell co-workers when mine is because I hate the attention and people that couldn't care about less about you the rest of the year pretending they care about you now. I think maybe I am just getting Jaded the older I get.
• United States
18 Apr 07
It's so strange because my inlaws are just nuts over birthdays. We all have to go there for their birthdays and if we can't come its a big deal. I love Christmas, but not because of the gifts - for me is a spiritual thing and a great day to spend with family. I try really hard not to go overboard. I would rather put my effort into making my kids' birthdays special instead of my own. I hope the mother in law doesn't get too bent out of shape!
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8245)
• United States
18 Apr 07
birthdays are probably a bigger thing for her, but i understand where you are coming from completely. i have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old and i babysit a 1 yr old 5 days a week. i'm also 26 weeks pregnant. my birthday is next month and i'm not expecting to do anything for it. most likely my mom will keep my kids overnight and my husband and i will go out for a nice quiet dinner. for my 30th birthday i wouldn't mind a party, but right now i'm only turning 26 so no biggie.
• United States
18 Apr 07
God bless you. I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I hope you get your quiet night out with your husband - you deserve it and by then you'll need to hit him up for a foot rub too!! Take care, thanks for your input.
1 person likes this
@shadifd (149)
• Syria
19 Apr 07
it's pretty tough subject man!!!! I guess it is . But not by evreyone you know some people are so unhappy with birthdays but the others are so nice & if they love you , they will be soooooooo happy in your birthday thanks for this subject shadi
1 person likes this
@piropos (312)
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
As a person grows old, it is a given that priorities change. When we were small, birthdays meant a lot for they bring us gifts from friends and relatives. We loved to celebrate our own birthdays and attend our friends'. These are occasions where memories are made and carried on throughout one's life. But as we advance in our age and wisdom, birthdays slowly lose their charms and give way to other forms of celebrations and parties. One would often opt for a more tranquil and easy remembering of the past, or would even prefer to conveniently forget particular events that brought sad experiences. There is one pessimistic saying that states that after every birthday, we have one year less to live. I'd rather think that birthdays are milestones that serve to remind us that we have achieved something.
@mari123 (1862)
• China
19 Apr 07
my birthday?i almost forget my birthday,yesterday was my birthday,but i spent the day on work,if not my friends sended messages to bless my birthday,i would lost my evening party to eat and sing.
1 person likes this
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
19 Apr 07
Birthdays are a big deal for me in one respect only: I want to have a nice day because it is the one day of the year that is MY day. I don't want a party, I don't want a fuss, I just want a nice, calm pleasant day. That usually means a normal routine plus a nice meal at the end of the day. I definately wouldn'#t want the birthday someone else wants foisted on me, which sounds like what is happening to you.
1 person likes this
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
19 Apr 07
Birthdays are a big deal for me in one respect only: I want to have a nice day because it is the one day of the year that is MY day. I don't want a party, I don't want a fuss, I just want a nice, calm pleasant day. That usually means a normal routine plus a nice meal at the end of the day. I definately wouldn'#t want the birthday someone else wants foisted on me, which sounds like what is happening to you.
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3686)
• United States
18 Apr 07
Just explain to her that due to all of the things you are going through, you only want to have a real quiet birthday and though you appreciate it, hold on until the big 3-0 when your not pregnant and all, and have it then!! Now you asked if birthdays was a big deal; I would say to me, YES they are. I try to celebrate mine each year by going out to a movie and to eat. Perhaps shop or something; next year I may do an all day spa trip;
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
Uhmmm.. I'm sure you're such a darling, for why would these people fuss up to celebrate your birthday? Oh dear, I know we need to be alone sometime and feel at peace with ourselves on our special day but those people have nothing else in mind but make you happy and be with you on that day. But that's your preference, I wouldn't want to judge your actions. To be honest, I seldom celebrate my birthday with my family and friends. I am used to going out alone, watch 4 to 6 movies in one day, eat alone and then go home for a quiet dinner with my family. That's it. So I understand why you crave for a day-off from all the celebrations and parties... but you are lucky though, many people loves you and wanna celebrate your birthday :D God bless...
• United States
19 Apr 07
Haha! That's what my mother in-law said "you're always doing for others, we just want to do something for you". In a nice way I just said "then leave me alone!!" I think this has more to do with the fact that I'm pregnant and exhausted than anything else. I'm just burned out...bah birthday humbug!!!
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
you sound really pregnant to me, hehehe! oh well, just lock up your door darling, hang your phone, turn off your cellphone... don't let them ruin your plans of getting peace on your day, Happy Birthday!
@mskzalameda (4036)
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
It is not a big deal for me. I'm turning 18 this October and even if we will have no debut parties on my birthday, I am still happy for I am with my family. As long as I have my loved ones, I am contented with that. I think contentment is the key to be happy and not any material things. This words of me may sound idealistic but this is just what I feel and I express what my feelings say. About the celebration your inlaws want to give to you, maybe they have their own reason. maybe they are just so happy about your baby and they want to give a birthday bash for you while you're baby is inside your tummy so that the baby can feel the happiness around her/him. Maybe she had not celebrated her 28th birthday or something terrible or memorable had happened on her 28th birthday and she want your day to be happy. Don't you really want that one? if you don't want them to throw you a party, then just let them do whatever they want to do, make them happy instead of your own happiness. sacrifice is a thing like to be considered. You really don't want to have a party but your inlaws want so let them have it. Its your gift to them for your own birthday. And after that, the next day after your birthday, you can then have a quiet day at home just like nothing had happened on the day of your celebration of birth. good luck and have a happy and meaningful birthday! :)
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
I will have no debut party for my 18th birthday not because I don't want to but because I think its just a waste of money, you know.. debts are always expensive and we really don't have that money for that. I'd rather eat at home with my family and have some greetings from my friends than throw a party. They also told me that we don't have the money to do it and so I just agreed whole heartedly. I'm contented with them. No more, no less.
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
19 Apr 07
you will be the one having your birthday so people should respect what it is you want for that day. you should tell your inlaw about your plan in a nice way. i am sure she will respect you and your wish for that day. i don't celebrate my birhtday eversince i was a kid. it's not because i hate people. it's just because i was brought up in a poor family. so, spending too much on my birthday, i can't really find worth for it. even as a kid, i don't like the idea of spending too much and feeding a lot of people just to please others. up to now, my birthday isn't a big deal for me. i just am happy and thankful for another year added to my life. i just make my wish and it's okey for me. mostly, i love to have a simple dinner with my family. and hopefully, this year, i will be celebrating my birthday with the man i love the most. and i am looking forward for it.
• United States
19 Apr 07
Yeah - I wish she would respect that. The response I got was "we are going to do something wether you like it or not, we will find a way". I'm shocked at this point. I guess she doesn't know me as well as I thought she did. She had 7 kids - I thought she would understand that I'm in no mood to go anywhere or do anything until this baby is out. Sometimes people get so caught up in what they think would be nice and what they want to do they lose sight of what is important. I think that's what has happened here. I'm with you - nothing better than a nice low key, quiet day with my hubby. It's too bad my preferences aren't being respected. I've accepted the fact that I'm going to have to smile and be thankful at the birthday party I don't want.
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
Actually I don't get excited when its my birthday cause it just reminds me that I'm getting older.. and I hate that cause honestly .. at this age I still don't know what to do with my life. Plus, I think it depends on the celebrants whether to throw a party or not cause it her day.
@maryannemax (12174)
• Sweden
19 Apr 07
well, age is just a number. noone gets old... we just all grow up. so, i don't fear age at all. but you are right lossforredwords - it all depends on the celebrant on how she/he wants to celebrate her/his birthday.
• United States
19 Apr 07
That is life !! I say when people really close to you want to do good for you, why not go along it and accept it. They love you thats why they are doing so. They might be doing it because they see you are exhausted and want to give you a good CHEERFUL break from the Stress. I agree this is not the age to be very excited about birthday..but it will be a good social get-together... stick with it..
@coolchai (620)
• Philippines
19 Apr 07
nope, my bday is not a big deal. i dont celebrate it anymore. but coz i have a husband, he is the one who makes a fuzz over it. he comes up with flowers and cards which i treasure til now. i dont want parties, they also make me crazy.
@swaran67 (71)
• India
19 Apr 07
Hey not really! But for my birthday its on April 1st my friends make it a big deal.The will try to fool me in some way but i will be alert.I think no one have ever fooled me on April 1st.
• India
19 Apr 07
well am just 23... so i guess it is for now... and my mom in law is same you wont belive!!! she is around 50 but her parties are like awesome!!!! and as for me as i will grow and have kids as for now we don have any even i would like it as you said! with family!! and if you feel so go and tell your mom in law.. am sure she will apriciate it! and you can cut cake at mid night for her! even she will be happy!
• Malaysia
19 Apr 07
erm.. to me.. birthday is not a big deal.. what most important is.. you get what you want during your birthday.. birthday is just like a calculator to me.. it's for me to measure my age.. haha.. and.. my age is more important than my birthday.. i know i'm getting older every year.. so i'll just have to work harder whenever my goal is not reached ... it's not too much to ask for a quiet day at home for your birthday... i did have some peace during my birthday this year.. all i want is to relax.. forget bout all my studies and pressure.. and plan for the coming days..very simple isn't it? :)