How important is it to be a 'cool' parent?

@astromama (1226)
United States
April 19, 2007 11:37pm CST
Just wondering... how important is it for you to be seen as 'cool' by your kids or other people's kids? I didn't think I had a very 'cool' mom until I was 17 or so and started seeing her more as a person, less as a parent. My friends used to come over to my house when I wasn't home just to talk to her! She never let us run wild or anything when we were young, but gave us appropriate freedom once we reached a certain age, which was pretty cool. She was a stickler though when it came to respect, helping around the house, and doing well in school. I know a lot of parents that neglect their parenting in order to be 'friends' with their kids, drink with them and let them do as they please. I want my son to think I'm the awesomest mom, but not at the expense of being a responsible, good kid. What do you think of this? Are you a cool mom/dad?
6 people like this
16 responses
• United States
22 Apr 07
You're mom sounds like a great mom. I think if you model after her you'll be fine. I think as long as their is balance with everything and you are not neglecting your responsibilities than all will be fine :) I hope to be that one day too. But like you I don't want to have a messed up child as you were describing either. I think kids respect their parents and appericate them more when they get older too. They really realize how the world really is and see things through different eyes. They also (some admittedly) want and need rules and boundaries. It lets them know that they are loved. But there are parents who also go overboard on that too. In my non-parental opinion balance is the key :) You'll be great!
3 people like this
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
21 Apr 07
My daughter is sixteen and if you ask her I am a mean mom. I think it is more important to be her mother not her friend. It is my job as her mother to keep her safe and if I have to keep her safe from herself I will. She thinks she is so grown but she has a long way to go. It would be nice if I was a cool mom but my kids safety will always come first. Besides right now at this age I prefer her friends to fear me than like me. Fear keeps the wolf away from the door,.
@xtothez (93)
• United States
21 Apr 07
i think it is more important to have a parent. Kid have friends at school. You should still be able to talk to your parents but they should be parents.
2 people like this
@cutiedhes (509)
• Philippines
20 Apr 07
About my parents honestly I don't consider them as cool parents but they let me allow things i wanna do but sometimes i can't help not to react on their actions because it is not right and i know that they are doing it for my own good. But it is not right that sometimes it comes to a point that they don't want me to have friends that i have now especially when I was studying. For me having a cool parent is important because i think that your children will not only respect you as a parent but as a person also like the way you look up to them, not only your children will respect you but other people also. And with that kind of quality your children can open up anything to you no secrets to keep. That's what I wish for and someday I promise that I will be a cool parent to my children. Not only their parent but also a best friend.
2 people like this
@stacy624 (2777)
• Canada
20 Apr 07
To me I am not worried about trying to be or look like a cool mom to my kids, Right now I'm trying to just be a mom, to guide them into the right directions hoping they will follow down the right paths in life. I would have to say i'm trying to be a responsible mom. Happy posting Stacy
2 people like this
@mickidmw (992)
• United States
20 Apr 07
I tried to be the cool mom. All of my daughters friends thought I was the best, but my daughter didn't! They would run away and come to my house! How fun was that?!?!?! (NOT) They always told her she was stupid for treating me so bad because I was the coolest thing ever. I was called mom by dozens and only gave birth to one!
2 people like this
@deebomb (15347)
• United States
30 Apr 07
When I was growing up parents never though about being cool as kids we never expected our parents to be cool. They didn’t care if we liked them or not. It wasn’t in the job description to be liked . We were to obey. And we learned to be productive adults and learned that our parents loved us and we became friends. We knew that we could go to them when we needed to. Then my generation decided that they should be friends with their children. They decided that their children should always like them. I didn’t care if my kids liked me or not. I knew that some of my decision for them would not be popular. But as they got older they saw me as a cool mom. I have raised 2 of my grand children and I raised them the same way. My granddaughter and I disagree on her dress but she is 20 so she can make her own decisions there but she still comes and ask what I think even though she know I say it is not good. She tells me all her friends that I know think I’m cool She continually Braggs about me to her friends, teacher and co-workers. The time to be cool is when they are grown up. You do have to keep the communication open.
@arjun07 (75)
20 Apr 07
it is very good to act cool, Act cool so they would feel proud of us :D
1 person likes this
@stella1989 (2277)
• India
20 Apr 07
Well I am not a mother yet. But once I accidently came across my motherly side lol . It is my nephew who is responsible for this. I am very strict,loving ,caring and god at handeling kids say fooling them when needed. Well thats me.Once I made my nephew finish all his holiday homework in a day. Well that was remarkable but I guess too strict,so now I play with them but indulge with them do not allow them to misbehave with me. So can control them.and with teens well I am myself is a teen but have a big helping hand not fo every body but for those who belong to me. I do take a constant part in the problems of growing ups!! I guess now you can make it out what kind of mother I can be!!
@denden (803)
• Philippines
20 Apr 07
It is important also, but it depends upon the situation.In comes to discipling we must not to be cool parent because our children will take advantage in it.You are a cool parents so that your daughter could share their experiences and they dont think about the gap between child and parents.
• Nepal
20 Apr 07
I think, cool parent is very good for kids, coz they have get the chance to realize his/her wrong/right decision by his parents. I think its good parenting.
• United States
20 Apr 07
I feel the same way as you do. I would love to be the "cool" mom from the class and all that, but--as you said--I will not sacrifice my responsiblities to raise a good moral nice responsible person. My kids are still just 5 and 3 so I havne't had any chance to be "cool" or "not cool". LOL But, I really think that a parents job FIRST and FOREMOST is to teach their kids and to show them the right path. :)
1 person likes this
• Singapore
20 Apr 07
I guess times are changing. That is why some parents feel that there is a need to be "cool". I guess if you feel that you are having a generation gap with your kids, no harm trying this approach. It might backfire though since either kids will love you for that or blame you for wrecking the "cool" image.
1 person likes this
@angel575 (66)
• United States
20 Apr 07
Well......I have a long way to go for that but it is really up to you. As a parent you have to establish some boundaries and let him know that you are still his MOM. My opinion is that parents shouldn't care whether they are popular with the kids or a "cool" parent. I think as long as you know that you instilled all the good values in your son and allowed him to make mistakes and is there for him to come and talk to you...then you will be "cool" with him first. What makes a "cool" parent is a parent who is always available for thier child especially in the teen years when they begin to branch out on thier own.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Apr 07
I think it is very possible to be seen as "cool" but not have boundaries crossed. I have no trouble with my 3 teens thus far, and we listen to the same music, watch the same movies, go to concerts together. Their friends come over but not ni an out of control way. I would never drink with them or allow them to do things I am not comfortable with. But I have great communication with them, heck we even have the same senses of humor. So I like being the "cool" mom and it may not be for everyone but it has worked for us.
1 person likes this
@eden32 (3978)
• United States
30 Apr 07
I think it depends on how you define "cool". My son is now an adult,we had an amazingly close & wonderful relationship all through his teen years. What mattered to me was letting him know he could trust me when he had problems, that he would 'keep me in the loop' so to speak, and that I knew who his friends were and what they did when they were together. I volunteered to be the part driving them to concerts, sometimes staying if I liked the band, sometimes dropping & coming back. I let his friends be at my house almost daily, and invited them to things we were doing as a family. Knowing his friends liked and respected me I think helped to insure that they too would be worried about disappointing me if they did something stupid. Occasionally things come up that you have to weigh what's more important here. If your teenager drinks one night at a party, should he think he should call you for a ride or should he worry that you will kill him if he finds out? Having lost a half a dozen friends in high school to drinking & driving, my kids call me if that happens. They know I don't want them drinking but their safety is an even higher priority.