if the relationship sours, is it time to say goodbye?
By cardizon
@cardizon (223)
Philippines
April 20, 2007 8:49am CST
these past days, me and my husband have been arguing endlessly. the arguments were about issues about his parents moving in our house. i dont agree with the idea simply because WE are a different family now, and i want to avoid POWER STRUGGLE. his parents, as i have known them, have different views from washing the clothes, child-rearing, to financial matters. and i hate being the one who submits because it is MY home, and not theirs.
i feel his gradual coldness. he has been coming home late. he has been quiet. he has not been talking to me. last night, we tried to make love but there was nothing. coz i was still upset and it was hindering me from cooperating.
i swallowed my pride this morning and tried to kiss him before i left home for school. i pulled him self away and gave that bad face.
we've been together for a year now. we celebrated our first year last april 3. but if family issues such as these impedes, i think i have the reason to be upset. worst thing is, he justifies for his family not OUR FAMILY. is he like choosing them over me? i just want to leave if this is the case. i just wanna give up for someone who wont fight for you, but instead choose someone over you.
4 responses
@velvetprinzess (1064)
• Singapore
20 Apr 07
I'm sorry that you have to go through this.
I think this tends to happen in Asian families because of tradition. Couples sometimes have a strained relationship because the husband puts his parents before his spouse due to traditional values such as filial piety.
I think understanding this is key to improving your relationship. Likewise, I think it would be good for him also to understand that since he's married, he should place you before his parents. You should be central to his life.
Also I think it's great that you are trying to make things work out between you two.
I read about a story in which a couple faced the same problem. They settled it by building an extension to their house for the husband's parents. In it, the parents had everything a normal house would have. It was fully equipped. Yet if there was help they needed, they could reach their son easily since he was just living next door. That way, the parents avoided getting on their daughter in law's nerves.
I guess some degree of compromise if required on both sides and lots of love and understanding and tolerance as well. Please don't give up on your love.
I wish you guys luck! :)
1 person likes this
@neenasatine (2841)
• Philippines
22 Apr 07
every relationship has their sour times... but you should get through it. there are a lot of relationships that are getting into worse problem compare to yours, it's either in family, married couples or with in laws. these problems are just preparing you for the worst to come.
I will give you an example, this is my experience but not about marriage since i'm not married yet. I've gone through several heartbreaks due to break ups, since usually guys break up with me, oh yes it's heartbreaking, but i thought that is the worst then i realize that it is only the preparation for the worst conflict to come... you can refer to my discussion entitled
"what if you've found out that your boyfriend has leukemia?"
1 person likes this
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
20 Apr 07
I guess in this situation...someone has to give in... You cant live like that... and you cant just give up your family and marriage just like that...
I once lived with my inlaws... and i agree with my husband provided that he would tell his parents their limitations... you can listen to their advice but you DONT have to follow them... and when it comes to kids and family issue... youre the wife and the mother... so its your decision.
Try to give way to your husband... dont let him choose between you and his family... love them as you love yours...
Remember in time... youll be in their place...
Talk about it... and solve the issue... if you love your husband try to understand him.... I guess he will do his part in return.
1 person likes this
