when a friend asks u to lent him $100,will u ask for a reason?

@nathanye (196)
China
April 21, 2007 8:16am CST
yesterday,i received a call from one of my old friends,we haven't met for a long time,even seldom to make a call.so i was so surprised and happy beyond expectations.and i have some many things to share and to ask.but i have to swallow these words.cause he came straightly to ask me if i can lent him $100 just after some compliments.i thought there must be something happened to him,so i asked him why he needed that money.but he just said that he couldn't tell and kept asking me to lent him that money.what i really cared was not money,but the reason why he needed that money.because i know that he used to indulging himself in gamble and have lost a lot.so i couldn't lent him money to gamble.so i refused him.the other reason why i refused him was that he was not my real friends,i just found,because he called me only when he needed money. how about you? when your friend asks u to lent him some money,will u ask for a reason?do u think it is necessary?
6 people like this
34 responses
@cikedo (3487)
• United States
22 Apr 07
Of course I would ask what the money is for. If they refused to tell me I probably wouldn't lend it to them. I only lend money when it is a case of neccesity.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12172)
• Sweden
22 Apr 07
yep. it's okey to ask. we have the right to do so. i might not lend money, too if the person borrowing will not let me know the reason for it.
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
thank you for sharing your idea. i think it's ok to ask for a reason,but the borrower should tell the reason forwardly.if it refers to his private,at least he should promise that my money will be spent reasonably.
• United States
21 Apr 07
my friends rarely ask me for money,so yes i would ask-not for being nosey,but to make sure there isn't a deeper problem maybe i can help with. like if they said "i have no food".i could point them toward emergency food banks if it happened again.
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
21 Apr 07
yep.the way u ask is also important.surely,being nosey is a bad way. so when he toll me that he couldn't express the reason i just stopped asking. i'd rather ask friends who know him well for his present situations.
1 person likes this
• China
22 Apr 07
If a closed friend I don't
@semak76 (187)
• United States
21 Apr 07
Its my hard earned money, and if someone wants some, yes, I expect to know why. When possible I will get the item they need rather than cash so I know its being used for good. I don't have much money myself, so even to spare a little is a heartache for me. Ex. my friend had 3 kids, and no food in the house, asked to borrow money for food. I went to the store, did some savvy on sale shopping and for about $50 bought them enough to last at least a week. I wouldnt let them starve, but nor do I want to be buying them cookies. Only exception might be someone really close to me, who knows my money situation, and I know would never ask if it wasnt urgent. Rule of thumb on lending money. Never lend more than you can afford to lose, I always lend on the expectation that I'm not ever gonna see it again. If they pay back, great, if not, I they know never to ask again.
@semak76 (187)
• United States
22 Apr 07
thanks...glad I could help you out...my first best reponse...YEAH...and anytime you need rational thinking...I'm the one to ask...
• Indonesia
22 Apr 07
of course i will ask why he/she want to borrow money from me, then i 'll decide wether to lent him money or not, if it's very important then i'll lend him
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
thank you for responding.:)
@pitstop (5621)
• India
22 Apr 07
Since its my money and at least to me 100$ is a large amount of money, I would ask him why and if I really couldnt part with it I would tell him the truth.
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
we are pleasure to help our friends out of swamp,but it should be based on our own safety,we can not be a step-stone for them to walk out of swamp when we are in that swamp too.
• Philippines
22 Apr 07
Of course I will ask him why he is nedding that much money. I value my savings that much and I dont spend a penny if can. If he is really in a bad need for the money, at least tell me the reason. What you did was right but I must admit sometimes its just hard to refuse someone who is in need. But in your case, as you say, he's involved in gambling, he needs to give you avalid reason why he is needing the money.
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
thank you for your understand.the problem is that he doesn't want to tell me reasons.that really make me doubt whether he need that money for pay his gambling debt.if so,i don't want to give him the money.now,i don't want ask him anymore.because i think if he doesn't want me to know his problem,he is never gonna tell me,if he told,mostly,it was his makeup.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
21 Apr 07
Considering this "friend's" history, I probably would have done the same. However, if it had been a friend that I knew to be a person of good character, I would have no problem with it. I've heard that the standing rule should be that when a friend or family member comes to you for a loan, you should always assume that you won't get it back. So, I guess it depends on how much you value the person.
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
hehe.thank you for your idea.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
21 Apr 07
definitely $100 is not an ordinary thing. and if someone comes and ask you , you experience shock and also a little apprehension. if my friend is really needy i wont question much ,but if its someone i dont know very well i ll find out the entire matter before lending. becuase u cant trust everyone and anyone. there are some people who borrow money and forget that they have ever borrowed. so if u dont ask beforehand there may be a chance that yr money will never be returned.
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
thank u for sharing your opinion.i am agreed that it is not just about $100 thing.:)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Apr 07
It's unethical to whimsically call an old friend just to borrow money. I only lend money to friends unless when there's a dire need for it, otherwise, they'd better look for other sources.
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
21 Apr 07
yeah,no i want to tell him:"why do try to do some part-time jobs to make more money?" hehe
1 person likes this
@evelynlyp (788)
• Japan
21 Apr 07
I do not borrow money to just anyone. When I do borrow money its because someone is short of cash to buy something. I'm sure if its a large amount and its urgent, they'll be the one to give a reason as to why they needed the money. I don't borrow money to just anyone. I borrow them to responsible people who will pay it back. When I do not want to borrow money to the person who's asking I'll just say that I don't have money.
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
21 Apr 07
thank you for sharing your opinions. :)
1 person likes this
@naty1941 (2336)
• United States
21 Apr 07
It is hard to refuse a friend but if he is a gambler he probably lost his money gambling. He obviously is not a good friend as he only called you when he needed you for money.
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
21 Apr 07
yeah,thank you.and now i can make sure that i can erase him from my friends-list.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Apr 07
whenever someone asks me to lend them money, i never have to ask what it is for. usually that person just tells me what it is for. even if they didnt tell me, that is fine. it is money that is being lent to them, and as long as they are going to pay me back, that is their own personal business. in your case though, i think i would have asked too. if i had a friend with a gambling problem, i would be concerned too. i would also have to wonder if i would even be getting my money back. i have only had one person, i thought she was a friend at the time, ask me for a large amount of money to borrow. i lent it to her, but it took her almost a year to pay it back to me. it wasnt even in one big payment either. it was always just 10 dollars here and there. in the end, i never did recieve the whole amount back. she always claimed that she was broke and couldnt pay me back yet, but she would always have new shoes, or be going out to eat for lunch. needless to say, when she had the nerve to ask to borrow some more (still didnt pay me back half of the first amount) i had to tell her no.
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
21 Apr 07
yeah,i can totally understand u.cause my mother has the same experience. she lent a great deal of money to my neighbor with her promise that she could pay my mother back at the end of that year,but just like u.the end of the next year,and again the end of the next year,and...till now,she still hasn't pay it off.i do really worried about her because i wonder whether she can fall asleep at night. and my mother really has enough of her excuses,so now she just keeps distance towards her and forgets about that money.she tells me that that sum of money is worthy,cause she has learned a lesson from that-money can not be easily lent when u don't know the borrower well and u can also judge the person whether u can trust or not in your future life.
1 person likes this
• Australia
21 Apr 07
It depends on what type of friend it is, If its someone like your friend or someone that is close to me. It takes me a week to make 100 dollars so they would be asking a bit from me. If a good friend randomly called me and asked for it, I might be inclined to say yes, reason or no reason. Judging by the fact of whether they will pay me back or not. If a person I hardly ever talk to calls me, id be more inclined to say no, unless they promised to pay back at least half the money.
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@nathanye (196)
• China
21 Apr 07
thank you for sharing.that sounds reasonable.but i think it will generate another problem that how do make sure that they will pay you back.will u ask them to take an oath? or sign in a due bill? or ask someone else to be the eyewitness?or... hehe,i am just wondering
1 person likes this
@austere (2816)
• Philippines
21 Apr 07
i think if the same thing will happen to me, then i will also ask my friend what it is that he is going to do with the money but not in an offending way. maybe joke or kinda kid about him borrowing, something like that, because i need to know where the money will go. if i'll be helping someone or if it's just going to be used for something illegal or stuffs like that. i think it is also my responsibilty too. that the money will be put to good use.:)
@nathanye (196)
• China
21 Apr 07
good point.i am agreed that we can ask reason in a gentle way,like jokes-u mentioned.A: it will keep your friendship safe if your friend is really need that for emergency.cause your friend surely doesn't think it seriously and won't doubt your loyalty.B: that will give him an easy situation to express their reasons.because some of them may be shame-making to express when they are borrowing money. C: it is easy for u to reject in a harmonious way.
1 person likes this
• United Arab Emirates
21 Apr 07
of course, i too will ask why my friend would be needing money. there is a reason for sure. if it's for emergency, if it concerns health, family, then i would lend my friend. but if it's for paying debts, i might think twice. why? because it'll be possible that my friend will be borrowing again from another person to pay his debt against me. there should be limitations in friendship. some instances that involves money between friendship ends up of becoming enemy to one another because of financial understandings. we must be very intelligent when doing this kind of decision because some friends just want to play the fool.
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
21 Apr 07
yeah,i agree with you.to lend money or not should really be considered carefully,and also should be decided according to the situations.i think lending money is to help our friends out of misery but not to support them to do something wrong.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
21 Apr 07
Hmm.. Yeah. I can understand why u did that. He only turned up when he wants something from u.:( If it happened to me, i will do the same as u. Unless they are a very close friends of me.. friends who we can trust.. like ur situation, he is not real friend.
1 person likes this
@nathanye (196)
• China
21 Apr 07
thank you for your understanding. hehe but i really hurt when he couldn't wait to ask for my money.i just picked up a call from him again,and my heart was really broken,i am really despairing of him.u know what,he wanted my promise that i could lend him money at least once this year.oh,what a damn friendship i've made!
1 person likes this
@BigMumu (183)
• Zimbabwe
22 Apr 07
In your situation you couldn't have a better response: no or bad reason for asking for money, not a real friend, if a close friend of mine asks me for money & know by experience it's not his kind to use it wrongly, I might ask him why, but if he refuse to tell me the reason I would lend him anyways
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
thank you for responding.:)
@neglitex (347)
• Latvia
22 Apr 07
I wouldn't lend money with the friend giving no reason at all. Personally I lend money because when someone asks me he really needs it and gives it back. Although there are many times when I lend money, forget that i have lend it and then when he gives the money gave I'm like....for what? Pretty funny isn't it. I really need to be more serious about it.
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
actually speaking,i can remember quite clearly every sum of money i've lent,but mostly,i can't speak out to ask borrowers to pay it back.
• United States
22 Apr 07
When my friends or family members ask me if they can borrow money I never question them about it. I mean what if you needed money and someone told you they would lend it to you but they needed to know why. Wouldn't you feel agravated or even mad? It is just that friends and family will ask to borrow money from you and it is non of your business what they need it for. Either you are going to lend the money to them or you are not simple as that. There is no need to aks what the money will be used for. Stay out of other peoples business if you don't want other people in yours. If payment is the issue get your friend or family member to sign a promisary note and that it's all.
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
wow.hehe.you are the first person in this discussion taking a different view.i can understand you.thank you for sharing.:)
• Nigeria
22 Apr 07
well you are very right. Why would he want you to borrow him money and he did not accept to tell you what he wanted to do with it Yeah and you bet the only reason he called you was to tell you that he needed money and not because he really wanted to ask about your welfare. I think you are very much on course by asking him what he wanted to do with the money cause of his antecedent in gambling with money and your anxiety about collecting your money back from him. If i were in your shoes i would also ask cause it is my money
@nathanye (196)
• China
22 Apr 07
thank you for your understanding.:)