how to politely decline someone offer of friendship?

Canada
April 23, 2007 11:48am CST
I bumped into a girl I used to know 10 years ago. I never liked her because I don't trust her, she's kind of rude and outspoken and she's cheated on her boyfriends and even went after the husband of one of her good friends. Anyways, she asked for my email address, and it took me off guard and I gave it to her. Since then she's emailed me about 6 times and really wants to get together. I really don't want anything to do with her, and no I don't want to give her a "chance" because I have enough friends as it is and would rather spend my precious time on people that I care about. I don't want to waste even one hour going out for coffee with this girl. I know that I don't like her. However, I FEEL SORRY for her, because she HAS NO FRIENDS because well, she's just not a nice person. So I don't want to be rude to her. I haven't responded to ANY of her emails, so I'm not egging her on at all, but can you think of anything else I can do or not do to prevent her from trying to barge into my life. I really don't like this person.
2 people like this
18 responses
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
23 Apr 07
That is a real drag. It sounds a little like she is trying to break you down. I think another word for that is coercion! I know what you mean about spending your time on people that are worth it. I have enough friends, too, and while I still add aquaintances, I don't really have any more of myself to give to be a 'good friend'. I guess I already have as many good friends as I can handle and be a good riendback to. I can see why you are trying to avoid this 'fixer upper'. She sounds like bad news. Just hang in there and eventually she will get the message. She probably already has, but for whatever makes her tick is still trying. Hope it doesn't end up in a scene, but maybe that will be what it takes to get rid of her?
2 people like this
• Indonesia
24 Apr 07
what a jerk, women like that must receive the most worst attitude from us the man, if she just want to destroy or toying us, i think we can ignore that girl, or if you want, we can just play back with her, have some fun just for nothing..
@charms88 (7541)
• Philippines
23 Apr 07
This is rather difficult for me to think of a good advice as I was never in a situation like yours. If you really like to end all your ties with this girl, then you are already on the right track. Ignore all her emails or better yet change your email account. I hope your friend will grasp your intention right away.
@paidreader (5151)
• United States
23 Apr 07
LOL, just because you were surprised into giving her your email addy, doesn't mean you have to accept them. You wouldn't actually have to say anything at all, just add her to the junk mail list for your email provider. Any discussions about why you don't want to be friends could be considered fairly rude, given her nature, but if it's been 10 years & you still don't like her, this is how I would handle it. Just like junk mail, you don't have to read something you're not interested in. :)
• Canada
23 Apr 07
youre right, sometimes the answer is so obvious. it just feels slightly rude to me to completely ignore someone, but youre right, it's all I can do.
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
24 Apr 07
Just continue not responding. You don't have to be friends with this person, and pretending to be friends with a person because you feel sorry for them is actually kind of mean. You don't need to explain anything to her, or anything like that, after all, you just bumped into her, it's not like you called her up or anything. And a 10 year gap is pretty long.
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
24 Apr 07
I think that it is best to be honest - in a nice way. Just say that u do ot have any room in your life for more friends, that u have a hard time even fitting in the people that u have. I am to honest and I probably would have said that because of her history I do not wish to include her as a friend, She is probably aware of the fact that she is not a good friend if she chases after their husbands.. Otherwise, just ignore her - dont answer to her emails - change your emailadress or even goi as far as blocking her.
1 person likes this
@skydancer (1988)
• United States
24 Apr 07
I was in a situation like that myself. I, too, never felt comfortable being rude (even though I'd be doing no worse to them than they did to me!). So rather than just shun these people outright, I resorted to excuses and stalling... or just ignoring them all together. Seems to be working. Over time I guess they figured, "She's too busy for us..." or "She's not interested," or something to that effect and just quit nagging because they already knew what the answer would be. Haven't heard from them in years so it must have worked! I am not sure I would recommend it to everyone - depends on the nature of your situation.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 07
I like to be honest. I do tend to avoid people I don't want to be with - but in the end - we run in to one and other. I have told people before that I just don't want to be your friend. It hurts initially but surprisingly you get over it and then it is behind you - no more dodging the person!
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
Oh dear, what a situation... well, you've given her your e-mail address, so you could at least email her back a straightforward reply. It's not right to let this person think you wanna be with her, you can stop her dreamy thoughts by a simple reply. Tell her you can't commit, that you are busy and that you don't really have the same likings for food, places, entertainments, etc... Hint to her in a polite way that you have a lot of things in your hands and that you can have no time for her. At least she knows her place and that will stop her from bothering you again, instead of letting her wait for nothing. It's the same rejection I'm telling you, but doing it quick would at least be less painful. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• India
23 Apr 07
Just say i can't be friends with you because i am too busy. Or you could say " i can not meet or see you anymore because i am buying a hut in Nigeria and moving there tommarow.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Apr 07
I wouldn't trust her either after what you have said. It is too bad that she is like this - it sounds like she has a low self esteem problem. I wouldn't want to be around anyone that would drag me down so props to you for seeing this off the bat. I would ignore her emails or just tell her that you are too busy to get together. After awhile I'm sure she'll stop trying so hard and leave you alone.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Apr 07
i agree add her to your junk mail, thats what i would do, now if you actually see her around or there are chances of you two seeing each other somewhere then honesty is the best, or just let her know you dont have time if it was me i would tell her straight up i dont want to hang out with you, if her feelings are hurt too bad thats life, yea i know its harsh but its better then a lie
@advvik (1)
24 Apr 07
well its very good on your part that you feel sorry for her..it shows your good nature. don't mind but u r not a kid and you know better what to do with her as you know her better. i think you should try to check that what is in her mind means what exactly she want from you. one reason may be that she is alone thats why she may want your company and moreover she may be interested to do something personal u know what i mean. i think just ignoring her is not good solution..you should be straight forward with her. and one thing that you are lucky as you have not given her your home number. she just have your mail id. i think instead of meeting her you should reply once that what you think about her and clear her that you don't have spare time for her. she will understand that you are not interested and than she will decide what she have to do.
@woyaofly (61)
• China
24 Apr 07
it really a difficult problem,i think to you shouldn't denied her and make her sad,now that you don't like the person ,you can approve her as you friend,only friend,no girl friend.if she tell you she want you to be her boyfriend,you can refuse her for any suitable cause.
@mari123 (1862)
• China
24 Apr 07
you don't love her,you need not answer her to go out,you see that it is a waste time to go out for coffee with this gril,you know the girl's temper.in my life,i know a girl,she was my classname in middle school,she doesn't have a beautiful face,but l like her tender character,now i like other give gril, and will get married,but i see her as my sister,if she have something to help,i will give her a hand.
@lissaj (532)
• United States
24 Apr 07
If you didn't like her then, you don't like her now. Your feelings aren't going to change. Just because you were put on the spot, doesn't mean you have to be her friend. I would just delete the emails and not respond. She will get the point. It may seem rude, but it's better than telling her to her face.
• Philippines
24 Apr 07
The best thing you can do is to tell her frankly that you don't like her. It is better to be frank than to pretend or to be plastic right?
@inalot (98)
• Malaysia
24 Apr 07
Just confront her and be honest about what you're feeling.. i think she would appreciate that.
@maddysmommy (16235)
• United States
24 Apr 07
Funny this, why would you give her your email if you never liked her in the first place? LOL I would just do what the others said and treat it like "junk mail" or else if you feel bad and or sorry for her, then email her back and say that you are not interested - whats the worse she could do to you if you said that? hopefull not stalk you LOL