What do you do with a friend who loves to be in the mist of drama?

United States
April 24, 2007 9:01pm CST
If your friend has a bad relationship and they continue to complain about it but when you give them advice they don't take it and then want you to continue to hear the drama. Is it wrong to distances the friendship?
2 people like this
7 responses
• United States
25 Apr 07
At last! A good discussion. I know about drama. My 33 year old daughter is the original drama queen. If she doesn't have drama in her life, she can't funtion normally. I believe it makes her feel more important if she has issues she can share with her friends. Many of her friends are just like her. Because she taught me how to deal with people with drama in their lives, I usually do my best to avoid their drama. When they start up I have a knack of changing the subject. When I see they do their level best to turn the conversation back to them, I realize anything I do won't be heard so I just sit and listen to them. I listen to every word they say and respond with, "Oh I see" or "That's too bad" or "Poor baby". Short quick answers. I think that's all they hear. It's not that I'm being rude. I just understand they don't have the ability to honestly listen to anyone, let a lone, themselves. After giving my daughter years of advice, I shocked her one day. She came to me asking my opinion and I told her, "You know, I could sit here and tell you all kinds of things I think you should do, but I know you're going to do what you think is best. So, the best advice I can give you is, if you think that is the thing you should do, go for it." She looked at me like I had lost my mind.
• United States
25 Apr 07
I see we have a lot in common, but you did better than me I completely zone out and hear nothing but I do say an occassional yes or um huh. I stopped giving advice altogether and began charging because time is money and if I am going to waste my breath I should get paid for it.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Apr 07
You go girl! How funny. You make me laugh. Sound like we DO have a lot in common. I love it.
@Stiffler07 (1356)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I would have a talk with him or her & let them know that I'm not concerned with all the drama. I don't live my life that way. Positive thoughts only. If he or she is truly your friend, they will respect that.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Apr 07
True friends would respect that.
@34momma (13918)
• United States
25 Apr 07
that is just what you should do. distance yourself. drama is catchy like the flu. the more you are around it it can catch it. i stay away from drama and complainers. I keep my mind and my life away from all that negative energy
• United States
25 Apr 07
I totally agree negativity breeds negativity.
1 person likes this
@semak76 (187)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I've learned that most people complain about their relationship because they want to vent, not get advice. Things somehow become more bareable when we have someone to talk about it to. Things that seem obvious to us as a casual listener may not be to the party involved. and remember, you're only getting one side, there may be plenty of good things going on there that you just dont know about. As a real friend, the best thing you can do is just listen...don't come to conclusions or give advice, just listen. Maybe ask more questions to get them think a little more and draw their own conclusions. I am known with my friends as being the one to talk to...who will never judge. I help them see the other person's side as well as their own, and ask them the hard questions, like "what do YOU really want" and then I help them to find the means to achieve it. If they just want to complain, then it doesn't kill me to spend some time lending my ear to a friend.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Apr 07
That is difficult since drama is involved in much of the relationships across the states today, specifically between people who are bored with what they got but somehow convinced ain't nothing better. Walk away if drama is not your thing 'cause it will bring you in, swallow you up if not cautious how much of you you give and then just festers like an old wound wreaking more and seeking less the comfort of true friendship. Do not be taken advantage of for being a good listener and a shoulder to cry on-- but tell her gently 'enough is enough' . . . peace, Erica Hidvegi
1 person likes this
@kynni204 (2031)
• United States
25 Apr 07
I wouldn't distance myself depending on what they are talking about. Sometimes people need a friend to talk to
1 person likes this
@mywendot (53)
• United States
26 Apr 07
No, it's not wrong to distance yourself at all. Now I wouldn't do it on the first "offense." But if over time I've begun to understand that this is the kind of friend who must always have drama surrounding herself, and who always expects me to get taken up in her drama, I'd start to wonder if she's the best friend for me. We all have drama at some point, but constant drama suggests a person who will never stop having drama and thus never stop "sucking" you for your time & compassion. You can't spend your life taking care of your friend if they can't take care of themself. I myself have had to end about 2 relationships with friends that I finally figured out were always taking from me and not giving to me. They had so much drama and it never ended. What a relief it was to end those relationships!