In Need of Advice

@TerryZ (22076)
United States
April 25, 2007 10:20am CST
Im in need of some advise here and I know I can come to you guys for it. Ive been friends with somebody for a few years but not anymore. About a year ago I lost my job and she knew I was going to loose it. Lets say she knew the boss well. And she didnt warn me so I thought she was a trader. After that I stopped calling her and she stopped calling me. I feel she cant be trusted. And by the way her job would not be in jeopardy if she had said something to me. After that I stopped calling her and she stopped calling me. I recently heard from a friend that she had one her kidneys removed and it was cancerous. She is now going through chemo. If you were me would you say oh the heck with it Im going to visit her anyway.
19 people like this
45 responses
• United States
25 Apr 07
I would go visit her. She is probably in desperate need of good people, like you, in her life at this time, and I think it would help both of you to make ammends. If something would happen and she would pass on, how would you deal with things ending like it did a year ago? If the answer is you'd feel bad, then I think you know what you should do. Lots of love coming your way to get through it, it'll probably be tough if you do decide to go.
3 people like this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Thanks my friend for your kind words. Hugs to you.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Apr 07
*Hugs* to you too:)
2 people like this
@sweetlady10 (3611)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Definitely I would visit her. In this kind of situation you want to forgive your enemy also and you both used to be friends at times. It would make your heart big when you forgive her and support her with kind words in this situation.
3 people like this
@peaceful (3294)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Sweetlady, you are very wise and you deserve praise for it! :) Have a great day! :)
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
25 Apr 07
You are so sweet hey thats why your name is sweetlady.LOL No really thankyou it meant alot to me.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Apr 07
I would go visit her. She may need a smile from out of the blue that she least expected to see. It may be just the ticket to brighten her day. Life is short. Cwap happens along the way. You smell it, you walk around it, you know it becomes fertilizer and sprouts new life. Huggers to you.
3 people like this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Thanks and your right its just the ticket. Big huggers to you!
3 people like this
@mari610 (360)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Yes, I would definitely visit her. In times like this, you need to put your hurt and anger aside and focus on what's important at the moment.And in all likelihood, she will thank you for this and know, that even though she hurt you in the past, you were kind enough and thoughtful enough to be there for her in her time of need.Secondly, you need to think how you would feel if God forbid, she didn't make it through her illness, how would you feel? Knowing that you could have made some sort of amends with her and it's now too late.
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Thankyou so much.
2 people like this
@mari610 (360)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Your very welcome
2 people like this
• United States
25 Apr 07
Yes - I would visit her anyway. By vising her you will show that you are the bigger man of the two besides there is no doubt in my mind that you do feel something for her or else you would not have asked for this advice. :)
3 people like this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Thankyou MagdalenaM
2 people like this
@tigertang (1749)
• Singapore
26 Apr 07
Hey, time is a good healer. Think you should go for it.
3 people like this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Hi TerryZ, well I am kinda in the same boat as you. When I gave birth to my last child I was working with my best friend. Well upon nearing the end of my maternity leave I decided that I did not wish to return to work. I didn't really give that much of a notice, but I was already out on maternity leave. I think it really upset my best friend that I just up and left like that. After I had quit I ran into her a couple of times and things seemed very different between us. She didn't seem thrilled to see me. The last time I saw her was when I went by her house so she could see the kids and I got the feeling that I was not welcomed. That was the last time that I have seen or spoken to her. That was two and a half years ago. When we quit talking we had been best friends for 18 years. It would have been 20 years this may. So I would say yes go see your friend. If this same thing happened to me I would be at my old friends side in a heart beat. Yes we may not talk or see each other no more, but I still love her as a friend and no amount of time or space will ever change that. I hope things work out for you and your friend. God Bless!
3 people like this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Thanks for your kind words so far everyone is telling me to go see her. I think I have my answer.
2 people like this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Oh my, It is hard to have a friend betray you, sometimes harder then if a family member did it. Have you ever asked her why she didn't tell you? She may not have long to live and maybe one vistit with her to clear the air about stuff is what you need. Maybe she feels guilty and thats why she hasn't called. I bet she regrets losing you as a friend but is afraid to reach out in case you reject her. I think yeah maybe you should go and see this person. Things might not be the same but she sounds like she is in need of a friend right now. Chemo is hell on the body. Trust is a precious thing and when it is messed with it is hard to get back. So take your time and see how things go..one visit won't hurt. Might make you feel better and maybe get this rift between you to to subsid. Well good luck and I hope all goes well.
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Thankyou and I appreciate your sweet words.
1 person likes this
@peaceful (3294)
• United States
25 Apr 07
It is pointless to continue with Acts of War, when an Act of Peace will heal you both... Now, this is not some kinda, religious non-sense, but the fact of the matter is that you will be connected one way or the other, with only complete Indifference being the only Attitude that will separate you from her, really.... Since you have seen fit to post this excellent discussion, it tells me that feelings, Good Or Ill, still exist between the both of you, and you still have the Power of Choice, to guide you as to what those feelings are to be... As for me... I would choose an Act Of Peace or Love and go visit her, for the Mutual Healing it may bring... But that's just me... :)
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Thankyou peaceful I do appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@mgmagana (3618)
• United States
25 Apr 07
i think u should put ur differences aside, b/c if something serious were to happen u'd probably regret that u couldn't speak to her anymore.
3 people like this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
25 Apr 07
Thanks mgmagana I know your right.
2 people like this
@cherhost (1072)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Life is too short and too precious... you dont want to regret what you could have prevented. I do understand why things went the way they did I would prob do the same... but don't let your pride and your anger get in the way of a real friendship... I just found out one of my friends have been lying to me for a long time... so I am trying to keep with teh same attitude! Good luck!
1 person likes this
@cherhost (1072)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Well hun if you dont feel the same towards her a little card may just do the trick. That way you know that you have given her the attention she deserves and you do not have to feel awkward. Hallmark has those 99 cent cards! And just a little note saying you wish her the best is all it takes. I am sure it will brighten her day and you will feel a little better! Take care and let me know the outcome :)
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
26 Apr 07
I know its tough and clearly I dont feel the same towards her. Thanks
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Apr 07
Yes Terry I would and I know that you will to What has happened is over and in the past If she does respond to you that is her look out it makes you a better Person as you have put it behind you So call or go and see her Sweetie that is what I would do Love and Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Apr 07
You can do it Sweetie I know you can
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Your always there Gabs maybe you can go with me.LOL
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Thanks Gabs your right what has happened its over now. I just have to get the nerve up now.LOL Hugs to you.
1 person likes this
@gemini1960 (1161)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
You have to visit her, you owe her that much, since shes sick and dont know what will happen in the near future, You must have called her first in the very beginning to clear things out about your doubts on her.
• United States
25 Apr 07
It sounds like you may be feeling a little guilty-are you? If it's just guilt, or worse, pity-I would say no. I think if your "friend" wanted to be in contact, perhaps you would have heard from her by now. Maybe it's best to just leave things as they are. Or, send a "thinking of you" card-and then let her choose to pick up where you left off-or not.
@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
25 Apr 07
I have some thoughts on this situation of yours. First, people are so cruel they could make your life miserable, and if true, your "best" friend just did that. On the other hand, the boss should be balanced and not take sides. He/she could have talked to you, did some pep talks to both of you, and had to be fair. It seems that you were a victim of an unfair judgment on your boss' part. Anyway, I admire you for being so sport as to even think of visiting this friend who caused you undue pain, but is now in need of prayers. If it what makes you at peace, go ahead, visit her. . make her feel that you have forgiven and forgotten. That's the whole essence of what a true christian should be. . .
@Angelinka (1410)
• Italy
27 Apr 07
hello dear, i understand your situation,you can trust nobody in nowa days...even your best friend one become a trader,so..but you know,everybody makes mistakes..and it doesnt mean that she or he is bad person..nobody is perfect...now she is in very difficult situation...i cant imaginate how does she feels like,but i am sure that she is not happy at all..she need your support...go to visit her..and say to her,forget about our past,i am here to say with you ,because i still feel that i am your friend..good luck to you dear!
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
27 Apr 07
Thanks for your sweet and kind words.
26 Apr 07
For what it's worth I can only say that life is too short to carry grudges and bear ill feeling. She is probably going through hell right now and regardless of what happened in the past, she could do with friends right now. I think you would be showing her that you still care if you call or visit.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Apr 07
that is something realy hard to deside because you want to be thier for her but then agian you can not forgive her for what she did or did not do . mabye you should just out of respect for her and her family and leave it at that you do not need to be friends with her agian if you do not want to.
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Thanks I do appreciate your advise.
@nanayangel (7879)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
Hi Terry! I am Angel and I am from the Philippines. I think that you should go and visit her because she needs to be surrounded by people who cares in times like this. I know that you were hurt with her not being honest with you but maybe there is a reason why she didn't told you about it. Maybe the boss talked to her and made her promise not to say anything. But anyways, it's all in the past. I think that you should try to forget about it and try to give her another chance. I hope that you'll make the right decision, whatever it is. Take care and God bless.
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Thanks for your great words.
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
Hi TerryZ There are friends who is like that. There are real and pretending as a friend. We always put in mind that whatever happens there is always a reason for the both of you. Since, she is on a critical situation may be you should come and visit her now! past is past and face the present. She really need you now! may everything she has was gone. May the only left is your friendship which you have started before. Why not put it again right. We do not know if she did something that cost you. Some times we lost something because of a wrong perceptions............. TO FORGET MEANS TO FOR GIVE AND TO FOR GIVE MEAN TO LOVE......
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Thanks for the great advice.
1 person likes this
• China
27 Apr 07
definitely, you should go to visit her, whatever she has done to you before. The reason is that she will have not much time and ever be a friend of yours. Pls go ahead and don't hesitate. Show your care and kind. The world will be wonderful.
1 person likes this