Would you give a physically abusive boyfriend a second chance?

Philippines
April 25, 2007 8:48pm CST
If your heart isn't the only part of you that's broken,can you mend it? I was never abused by any men.However, if that happens I won't give him a chance to hurt me again.I believe an abusive boyfriend will be an abusive husband.Two people in a relationship must always treat each other with utmost respect.If you allow yourself to be treated violently there's no reason for your partner to respect you for who you are.
11 people like this
39 responses
@daryljane (3437)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
i strongly agree with that! i have never been abused by any men too but if ever, im also not going to gim him a chance..he's still my boyfriend and he's already doing that to me? what more when youre already married? theres a bigger chances that he's going to hurt you!
@zjenikka (292)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
NEVER!!! NO!!! Of course NOT!!! I was not brought into this world just to be a punching bag....
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 08
I am in a situation like that right now. My boyfriend's abusive, controlling, manipulative, disrespectful. People ask me all the time why i am still with him and its because he wasn't always like this. When we met i fell in love with his sense of humor, and how genuine he came of to be. But after say, 4 months of dating, he started becoming controlling and dis respectful calling me names and embarrassing me in front of my friends and family. By then i was so attached to him, and emotionally broken down, that i couldn't leave him. I felt like he was all i had and i needed him. After a year and a half of dating I am finally standing up for myself. And when i do so he gets physically abusive. (punching me in the stomach, nose, arms. Grabbing me violently and shaking me, biting me, pulling my hair, throwing me around, spitting in my face is his favorite thing to do.) Its taken me a long time to gain the strength i have now, and to finally make the decision to leave him after so many second third fourth fifth etc.. chances.
• United States
26 Apr 07
I agree with you-second chances with this type of person are asking for it. Unfortunately, too many women get caught in that cycle-trapped by guilt and low self-esteem.
• United States
26 Apr 07
Abuse in a relationship always means that your partner doesnt care about you or they are just using you as a punching bag.
• Canada
26 Apr 07
I don't think you should unless you like being abused. Once they get away with it the 1st, 2nd, 3rd time, they know they'll get away with it again. The world is full of people you'll find someone who will cherish & love you and not lay a finger on you at all.
• United States
26 Apr 07
no, get out. Beat me once, shame on you.. beat me twice, shame on me.
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
26 Apr 07
I agree with you. Giving an abuser a second chance is like giving that person permission to just abuse you over and over again. It's cyclical...they abuse you, they ask for your forgiveness, you forgive them, they abuse you all over again. Unless they are willing to seek professional help in which case they could possibly deserve a second chance.
@badpenny (741)
• Seagoville, Texas
26 Apr 07
No, no, no, no! When I was younger and didn't know any better, I had an abusive husband. I stupidly thought things were my fault and I could change them, and stayed for 5 years, until he hit the baby! That's when I woke up and smelled the coffee. Only 1 percent of men who are abusive change, so the odds are against anyone that stays.
• United States
26 Apr 07
Absolutly not. If a boyfriend ever hit me I would leave him and never speak to him again. Even if a guy was really verbally abusive, I would leave him. I tell myself all the time, I will never be one of those girls that has an abusive boyfriend that she can't leave. It's not gonna happen.
@msjigga (866)
• United States
26 Apr 07
I completely agree with you if you let do it once hherr will do it again. No woman deserves to be hit on by a Man. Any man that does this is a coward.
@ydnac22 (804)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
No way!difinitely I won't give him another chance.He abused me so he dont deserve another chance anymore.You're right an abusive boyfriend will be an abusive husband too so its better to give up on him as early as possible before things went too late.We should not tolerate those kind of attitude by men.We woman deserve to be respected.
@PatriciaL (2081)
• United States
26 Apr 07
No I would not give a boyfriend like that a second chance. There's no excuse for it at all. Unless he has a serious mental issue that is causing him to be so violent, that would be the only excuse. But even then I would not be able to give him another chance.
@tigertang (1750)
• Singapore
26 Apr 07
Speaking as a former Abused husband - don't stick in an abusive relationship - its not good for you.
• Canada
26 Apr 07
My ex partner not only beat me and attempted to rape me, he also tried to kill me. To that extent, I could never ever give him another chance. God knows I gave him enough - though in looking back, I know it was because I was just plain terrified of him. When you're a beaten woman, fear gets a grip on you and you do things you wouldn't ordinarily do. You can't say to me that I had no respect for myself because I "allowed" myself to be beaten. My ex certainly had no respect for me, but he also had no respect for himself. I finally woke up the night he tried to kill me. I told him it was over and packed my things and left the very next day. Amazingly, my last image of him is of him on his knees in the doorway sobbing and begging me not to leave as I got in my friends car. She'd come to pick me up and was horrified at the fingerprint bruises round my neck. She told me that if I ever went back to him, she'd finish what he'd started. By that, she meant she'd kill me. Getting out of an abusive relationship is damn hard. Women are usually so scared of what will happen should their ex find out where they went. I got over what my ex did to me with a lot of hard work and courage. He will never be a part of my life again, but I also know that should anyone ever treat me like that again, I will have the courage to fight back right away and say "No, this will NOT happen."
@darkzzt (760)
• Canada
26 Apr 07
Its good you weren't abused by any men. I heard lots of stories of people who were abused by men yet they still stay with him. If you are getting abused by someone, it isn't worth staying with that person. That's true, if you allow yourself to be treated violently, your partner will have a hard time respecting you. http://darkzzt.blogspot.com/
@wahmoftwo (1298)
• United States
26 Apr 07
I certainly hope not. It would be hard to leave my husband under any circumstance but if he hit me I guess I would have no choice.
• United States
26 Apr 07
If you have never been in the situation then you can not understand the mindframe of the abused. An abuser normally doesn't just physically hurt their victims, they also use mental tactics. They make you believe that you can't function without them and no one else will ever want you. The constant criticism makes you believe the words they are saying so you give them another chance. You believe that they can change and it won't happen again. You start to believe it was your fault maybe if you didn't make this person angry, it won't happen again. I have been through this situation and I now know that an abuser can't change without proffessional help so it is best not to give him or her a second chance.
• United States
26 Apr 07
Never, I was married to an abusive man, the father of my children, and I could not stay married to him even though he was the father of both of my children, not even for the children's sake. When a man raises his hand to you he is disrespecting of you and wants to hurt you, he is a feeble man for taking it out on someone smaller and unable to protect themselves and no one would want to be with a man that does this, especially someone that values their life.
@sumon845 (15)
• Bangladesh
26 Apr 07
boy firned