I am Going Crazy!!! Friends who ask too much of you....

I am going crazy! Help Me! - Me going crazy
United States
April 26, 2007 2:02am CST
You may have noticed that I am sporadically on mylot now. The reason is I have this friend and she is always asking me to do things for her. It has gotten worse and I am going crazy! I have tried saying no but she will just ask again later or the next day. Now I am a nice person and I don't mind doing things for people but it has gotten to where she is asking several times a week. She has even begun just coming to my house and hanging out all the time. I am the type of person who needs to be left alone sometimes. I don't know what to do anymore! I can't be mean to her because of something that she is going through right now and I do love her. She is not family by the way and I do not want to lose her as a friend but I NEED my space! It is driving me crazy! I want my life back! Can anyone help me? PLEASE HELP!!! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! I am DESPERATE!
7 people like this
28 responses
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
26 Apr 07
if you hadn't have said she was going through something, i would have figured she was, it sounds like she's overly needy, and lonely.... Maybe if you find another friend for her, that way it takes a little of the burden off of you, or getting her a spa weekend or a trip or something, not anything too expensive, but something that'll give you and her both some time and space... Sometimes people don't understand how clingy their really getting... Maybe it's a good idea to have a sit down with her, talk to her about what your thinking and feeling about this - I'm not trying to sound like a shrink, but sometimes, talking really does help... If you put it in a certain way, a way that would work for you, i don't think you'd lose her as a friend, but make the friendship stronger.... Sorry i wasn't much help... I hope it works out for you...
@susan50 (110)
• United States
26 Apr 07
You really need to sit down and talk with her about how you are feeling. She may not realize she is overextending herself and your friendship by constantly being there. I know it isn't going to be easy, but she has to be made to understand that while there isn't anything you wouldn't do for her, but you need your space too. Whatever she may be going through right now does not give her the right to abuse your friendship by constantly asking you to do things for her. There are times in our lives that we just have to bite the bullet and do things for ourselves and not depend on anyone constantly. She really needs to start doing things for herself and not ask you. She is really taking advantage of your friendship and your kind kindheartedness and only you can put an end to this. Just let her know that your friendship means a lot to you but things are just getting out of hand and she needs to back off and give you some space too.
3 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
26 Apr 07
Ok Honey - you know what I am going to say here - Honesty has to be the bes policy! You don't have to be mean - just be patient and kind and explain to her that although you want to be there for her and help her in any way you can you also need time for yourself! I am sure that if she is a real friend she will understand that no matter what she is going through she cannot drag you down too - you need to have space to keep yourself sane too! I will be thinking of you sweets and hope that everything works out for the best! xx
3 people like this
@winterose (39917)
• Canada
26 Apr 07
You have to set your boundaries, that is the only way. Tell her when you say no it is no.
3 people like this
• Vietnam
26 Apr 07
Well, as for me I have a friend that turned an abusive, self satisfy person. He was nice before he get that girl friends, now they spend all time together, spend all of the budgets and only looking for friends to ask for money... Well, at the end I have to tell them what I'm thinking and deny their visits. I may sounds blunt, but yes, you have to protect from friends that only mean to take anything they like.
26 Apr 07
It is really tricky trying to explain to someone that you need some time and space for yourself. I wonder if she even realises that she is taking up a little too much of your time right now, and you might have to sit down with her and talk about this. Explain that while you understand and that you are there for her, you also have other comittments and that you need to have some space for yourself. The only other thing I can think of is that perhaps you arrange to be out when she calls round. It sounds mean I know, but you do need a bit of space for yourself.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Apr 07
I will try to help, if she is a good enough friend try really sitting down and explaining this to her in a way that will not hurt her feelings. "I love you and you know i do please just give me alittle alone time for me, I am going through a lot right now and just need a day or two to think things over and be by myself and meditate, nothing personal to you, give me a few days and then on Saturday we will go to the mall together" just say something of the sort, sitting down and really explaining this to her if a good friend said that to me i would realize what i was doing kind of agitated her and respect her wishes, it wouldn't offend me though. Just offer to do something with her on a certain day you will be free that should cheer her up some! Good luck to you :)
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
26 Apr 07
one thing you can do for now: hide! haha im not sure about this really but it might work if you will not reply first and im sure she will at least get the idea that you are already beign bugged too much.
2 people like this
@tinamwhite (3255)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Princeworthy, I can completly understand where you are at right now! Sometimes being a good friend to someone can really be difficult at times; they need you!; they forget that you need your space.......talk to her, if you are truly "friends" she will understand that you need some "me time"....she already knows it...she is just so caught up with whatever is causing her difficulty in her life to stop and think about it. You can do this without hurting her feelings....I respect that you value her friendship and are willing to "be there" for her. She is fortunate to have you as a friend and I am sure she knows that! Honesty is always the best policy,,,,take the stress off and just talk to your friend. I wish you luck in finding the right words...and I am sure that you will continue to do many things for her...and with her. Take care....breathe deep.... Have a blessed day!
@aciddrop (798)
26 Apr 07
i think you should try to tell her what you want in a direct and serious way.or make excuse sometimes so that you can have a break from spending too much time with her,if you insist to be nice.anyway hope things work out soon!cheer up!:)
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
26 Apr 07
well, one can always make an excuse especially when you want to have your time on your own. just talk to her. make her listen. she's a friend and she is supposed to understand you.
1 person likes this
• China
27 Apr 07
Don't be so sad!Just have a talk with her,or you can change the situation by doing what she had done. Make her know you really can't take in it any more. Or you can change your own mind,having a friend who always need your help is not so bad,after all!
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
27 Apr 07
I know that it is hard to do this, but you are going to have to lay it out on the line for her. You need your space or you are going to start resenting her friendship and her presence in your life sooner or later. This needs to be said. I can understand that she is having turmoil in her life, but maybe it isn't that she wants you to do these things for her, but that she is lonely and needs to have someone with her. I don't honestly k now what the situation she is in entails, but it sounds like she is lonely and looking for any way not to be alone. I would just tell her that you value her friendship, but you need your space too. If she is a true friend, she will understand this. I hope this helps!
1 person likes this
@ivyrainy (29)
• China
27 Apr 07
Try to tell her what you are thinking now, and if she is your good friend indeed, I think she will understand.Everyone has his own life, even the family members need their own spaces. It's not strange or difficult to understand ,so please try to talk with her.
1 person likes this
@wonderful1 (2076)
• China
27 Apr 07
I have the same problem several years ago,i dont want to break our relationship,but she aked more and more.at last, i finally realise that she didnt look me as her friend,i'm a kind girl,she knows,so she follow me everyday .I lost myself those days.what is more important,false friendship or your own life? You should ask yourself by your heart.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
27 Apr 07
You are probably going to come right out and tell her. For some reason she has latched on to you to make it through her crisis. I'm afraid you are going to have to come right out with it!!
1 person likes this
@brokentia (10396)
• United States
27 Apr 07
I had a friend like that. And lets just say...we are not that close of friends anymore. We had a falling out because she was using me to the max also. And it finally got to the point that I had to sit her down and tell her the truth. It is not friendship with a person does not take your feelings into consideration. The thing is, when you say no, you have to mean it. And when she continues to ask, you are going to have to be firm and tell her that No means No. Once you say those words, it will hit home with her. As for her just coming over, make an excuse. Tell her that she can not come over the next day because you have personal things to take care of. It is not lying. The personal matter is you need your space. This will often give the person a hint that one can not stop by anytime they want. I understand you not wanting to hurt her feelings. I am that same way. However, it will come to a point that you will have to make a choice...hurting her feeling by telling her the truth or start to hate the friendship over time because you have no space. If she is a good friend, she will understand when you tell her the truth.
1 person likes this
@gemini1960 (1162)
• Philippines
27 Apr 07
just be frank at her and told her about it, and it must be in a nice way so that she will not be hurt, its the best way, so that she will leave you alone.
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
27 Apr 07
i experience this situation before except that it is the other way round... i am the one who is bothering too much of my friend... i always think that honesty is the best policy... so i would suggest that you tell her in a nice way that you need some space by yourself for sometimes... i'm sure she will understand it if she is your best friend... my best friend do the same thing to me when she thinks that i am too attached to her... she tells me directly and i understand it... good luck...
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Apr 07
I really don't know what to say, i understand how you feel. I had friends that would do the same thing to me before I moved to georgia, they would ask for things but when i needed help moving my things they were too busy. They really didn't care that i needed they're help, they only wanted my help when they needed it. I was really let down by this, I finally just stopped offering to help and would intentionally not answer they're phone calls simply because i know they are calling to ask for something. Friends need to know not to take advantage of our friendship, its just not fair to take take take without some giving. I really hate people that want you to give everything for them, and give nothing in return.
• United States
26 Apr 07
Just be real with her/tell her all thats on your mind/and she will realize what she is doing/but you have to put it to her/i was really nice like that too onetime/and i starting stressing out really bad but then i thought why stress out on helping other people when i need to get my straight first/but hope you will figure things out/dont stress out too much its not good for you mind and soul
1 person likes this