Getting up in the middle of the night

United States
April 27, 2007 8:46am CST
I am a SAHM and yes I do consider a full time job. Lately my husband refuses to get up if our youngest gets up in the middle of the night. He states that he is tired and has to get up for work in the morning. I feel as though he is forgetting that I also have to get up for work in the morning, and it is usually before he has to get up. I clean all day, do pre-school work with my 4 year old, change diapers and clean up all the messes they make after I have already cleaned and then make supper for when he gets home. With no breaks and normally no lunch either, I am trying to find a way to discuss this with him without him having a tantrum about it. Anyone have any advise on a way to approach this topic??
4 people like this
8 responses
• United States
27 Apr 07
I know so many people are going to get mad at me but I am going to give my 2 cents anyway. As a SAHM/WAHM I feel that that is the job I signed up for, my husband works long hours at a hard and sometimes dangerous job. He needs to get every minute of sleep he can. I have never asked him to get up with one of the kids in the middle of the night even when I was working. If he is tired at his job he could get injured or someone else could. If I am tired during the day no big deal maybe I don't clean the whole house that day just through out a quick vaccumm or something. I think that as a SAHM mom I can adjust my duties alot easier than my husband and that is what I signed up for when I had children.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 07
wow I agree with you soo much. I am a stay at home mom with my own home business and my hubby acts like I dont do any work so I should be the sole caretaker of them even when he is home. How to approach this is a sticky one but if anyone finds a good way let me know too. Until then I guess I'm getting up in the middle of the night! Amanda www.workathomeunited.com/anix80
1 person likes this
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
27 Apr 07
I don't think I am the best one to answer this becouse I have a full time job and come home clean the house and take care of three kids and have never asked my husband to do anything. Don't get me wrong he does help but only becouse he wants to. I have always done every thing and I guess I always will.
1 person likes this
@wahmoftwo (1298)
• United States
27 Apr 07
Maybe you could take turns? Maybe he could give you a break on the weekend? You both have a valid point. It is really hard when they aren't sleeping through the night yet. Just remember this too shall pass.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 07
Just tell him that you need to talk to him, simply tell him what is going on and how its making you feel. Don't raise your voice or use angered tones, it would just make things worse. I just suggest a simple conversation between you and your husband, thats what i do and it works everytime.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
27 Apr 07
This is a hard topic to approach with hubbies. Oftentimes they don't understand that you feel this way, or taht you too can be overworked. I think the best idea, is to just talk to him about it. start out by saying, I don't want you to be offended, or get uspet about this, I don't want to fight, I want to talk about this logically, and come to a compromise we can both live with. THat way you don't just take him completley off guard. Try to compromise, You'll get up with the kiddo, 4 nights a week, he'll get up the other 3. (yes, I know, you'll still be getting up more, but not as much right?) Or if that won't fly, he will let you sleep in on his days off, and really sleep in, not bang around the house until you get up, but he'll take the kids, outside to play or to the local park. ALso, one thing my hubby and I do, is once a week, one of us gets a few hours to ourselves, we can do whatever we want for 2 hours, I usually go to the local bookstore, and he takes the kids. The last time we did this, it was around dinner time, I went out, and he had to deal with both kids, and make dinner, when I came home, he was beyond himself with frustration, and asked, is this normal? I said yes, this is what it's like. He was genuinely surprised. I think he didn't even realize what It was like when both kids are fussing, and dinner needs to be made. (: SO, maybe your hubby is envisioning you sitting on the couch all day, not very realistic, but could be what he's thinking. (:
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 07
I feel your pain. My husband is the same way. I have a 2 year lod and a 3 month old. Sleep is non-existent. I've tried talking to him about it but nothings worked so far. Good Luck, I wish I had some good advice.
1 person likes this
@jamie11982 (1659)
• United States
28 Apr 07
I know just how you feel. I am going through this with my husband. he won't help with the 6 month old and makes me get him but then tells me the next day that he was up with the baby and i laughed at him. He thinks that because he goes to work 40 hours a week that i do nothing at home. I get up befor him get the oldest ready for school and make sure that everyone has their clothes ready for the day and then i get them out the door and start cleaning and then i put the 5 year old on the bus and cook lunch for the 2 year old and put her down for a nap and then clean some more. I have four children so i do alot of cleaning. my husband seems to think that because i don't go out of the house and work 40 hours to help bring in money i don't do any work at all. But us mother's work 24 hours a day. it don't matter if we are sleeping or not we are always on call. I'm not to sure how you can bring this up to him with out him turning the tables on you and making you feel bad. This is just how my husband acts as well. I don't know what to sugest to you that will not start a fight or anything that will upset the house hold to much.