What is the Difference Between Standing Up for Yourself and Revenge?

United States
April 28, 2007 5:55pm CST
What is the difference between standing up for yourself and revenge? For example, I have a friend who found out her boyfriend was married after three months of dating. He was busted by his wife and then blamed my friend for being a seductress but he was pursuing her. She started liking him and he turned it around as if she had liked him and was coming after him and he was innocent. My friend wants to do something because she feels as bad as someone walking up and hitting her in the face. She says that she feels like she doesn't have anyone to stand up for her. I told her that she is getting revenge and she disagrees. She says that revenge would be doing something silly like vandalism or stalking. She just wants to set the record straight. So I get what she is saying and I do think that there is a difference between revenge and standing up for yourself. What do you think?
3 people like this
5 responses
@34momma (13896)
• United States
29 Apr 07
yes there is a difference. and tell your friend that the best revenge is to show him that she is doing just fine without him. she doesn't need to set the record straight with his wife or with anyone else. when you know that you have not done anything wrong you don't need to explain yourself to anyone. what you put out there always comes back to you. so this guy will get what is coming to him and she doesn't have to do anything.
• United States
29 Apr 07
there is a difference. revenge would be like if she did something to him like hit his car with a bat, did everything she could to make his wife leave, call his work and get him fired, etc. standing up for herself would be to tell him off. or to go to his house when he and the wife are there and be honest about everything and tell the wife she is sorry she didnt know and that she thinks he is a piece of crap for doing this to her and everyone in his life that was effected by it. then tell her she is sorry and they will never hear from you again but you felt she had the right to know the truth cause you are not like that. i would do it with them both there so he cant come back and say no that wasnt the way it was etc. that and you can watch him freak.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Apr 07
I think if you take revenge with someone it will not correct what are their mistake and what they think about you but if you stand up for yourself and prove that she is wrong then maybe she will say sorry eventually.
1 person likes this
@wachit14 (3601)
• United States
29 Apr 07
There's an ocean of difference between asserting yourself and getting even. Asserting yourself means taking action to do what's in your own best interest. In a situation like this, taking the high road by walking away from a very bad situation would be standing up for one's self. That means completely walking away from this guy and his wife. I know how it feels; I've been there myself. I told the guy off and washed my hands of him without lowering myself and seeking revenge for being the low life liar that he was. The only person she needs to set the record straight with is herself, unless she wants to apologize to this guy's wife for being completely ignorant, otherwise just walk away with your pride intact.
• United States
29 Apr 07
First of all, I love how the man claims that your friend pursuing him would make him an "innocent" victim. He still knew he was married; he made the commitment and then he broke it, he should be the one in trouble, no matter if your friend had know he was married or not or who pursued whom in the first place. I think your friend is right in this case. People are saying bad things about her (that she seduced a married man) when she, in fact, did not know he was married. If she only wants to set the matter straight, that is standing up for herself. If she was trying to break them up out of spite or wrecked his car or something, that would be revenge, because it would be a premeditated act that was designed to make the "victim" suffer as a punishment. In this case though, I think your friend should just forget about this man and his wife. The man sounds like a jerk and isn't going to admit that he lied (even though he know the truth), and the wife will believe whatever she needs to to cope witht the situation. I think your friend should just remove herself from the situation as much as possible. Her real friends will know she isn't like that, and who cares what everyone else thinks, right?