My son is so flamboyant. I wonder if I should encourage him to tone it down?

Ireland
May 1, 2007 5:27am CST
Lately, my son has really gotten into acting and it is bringing out his extremely flamboyant nature. It seems as though he thinks he is on stage all the time, and is always performing for an audience whether we want to be performed for or not. His performance art teacher told him with most if her students she has to draw them out and into their characters, but with him, he is one of the few people to 'overact'. Last week he was chosen for three different parts and one of them is Adam Ant! Can you get any more flamboyant than that? Yesterday, he informed me he and a group of friends have just started a band and will have their first practice session this Friday. If this does well also, I think we are really going to have a monster on our hands. I wonder if this kid is going to go on to be famous, and we should just let him go for it, or if we should try to get him to tone it down a little? Sometimes I feel like I am living with Jack Sparrow! What would you do? Do you know any kids like this? Is he destined for succes or just to drive his family crazy with his antics?
11 people like this
15 responses
• Singapore
1 May 07
If you feel his flamboyant side is not desirable, then have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him so. Otherwise, what's the issue? If this is making him popular and likable, why not? ;-)
2 people like this
• Ireland
1 May 07
Wizzy, his flamboyant side probably is desirable to him and maybe whoever his groupies are, but living under the same roof with him can get a bit trying. Can you imagine living with Prince, or Axel Rose, or Liza Minelli? Combine the three and you get this character. God help me and preserve us as we go through his teenaged years! I think we are in for a wild ride! Yes, he is popular and likable. The bloom has blossomed :-)
1 person likes this
• Singapore
1 May 07
When you get tired of his rattling, just stuff a sock into his mouth. :P
2 people like this
• Ireland
1 May 07
Unless he is looking at his own reflection in the mirror I doubt he would even notice!
@drakan291 (818)
• Ireland
6 May 07
Tell your son to stop being so flamboyant in public. I know what happens to kids when they do this. They end up having thier school copies thrown into toilets. And they end up making thier living in some place like mylot. Only kidding! Encourage him!
2 people like this
• Ireland
7 May 07
Thanks for the ever comic advice. I would hate to see him walked like a dog across a school yard, that is for cert!
@II2aTee (2560)
• United States
1 May 07
This is a toughy, and I'm really glad you brought this up. I am reminded of my own childhood. My mother recognized very early my flamboyant tendencies, and she kindly and gently did her best to subdue that behavior. She by no means snuffed my inner fire, but she was worried that those kind of actions would make me a target for ridicule in school (and thusly, later on in life). She would see me gesture with my wrist, or see watch me stick my pinky in the air when I ate or drank, and she would quietly make me put it down. Now that I'm 24, I often thank her for doing that. I am gay (I am by no means saying your son will be gay - I know PLENTY of straight men who are just as outgoing and "off the wall" as any gay person I know) and I needed every advantage I could get to survive if I wanted to live the life I was supposed to. I am gay, but take pride in being "normal". Many gay people I know are so femanine acting, its actually kind of embarrasing to gay men like myself who try to show society that gay people can actually blend in and live normal lives. If my mother hadn't supressed that femanine behaviour I would have had alot more difficulty fitting in, making friends, and moving up in the world. Could I have been some famous actor? Perhaps. But I know that wasnt my calling. All you should do as a mother is make sure your son is safe and happy. If that boy was meant to be famous, hunny, there is nothing in this world you can do to move him from that course. If he wants it bad enough, it will happen, no matter what you do. Good luck. PS. You sound like one hell of a mother. Your son is very lucky - make sure you remind him of that all the time!
2 people like this
• Ireland
1 May 07
What great points you have brought up! I have a cousin who was also very flamboyant but as you say in a very feminie way. He did indeed grow up to be gay and I think we all knew he would from the time he was very small. No one really tried to surpress anyhthing, either we would just get on with it or sit there with our eyes agog over his antics, depending on what he was doing. I don't actually think my son is gay, although when he was younger I figured he probably was. As he has gotten older, it really doesn't appear to be that way, he is just over the top with everything. He is also really competitive, so maybe that is part of it, making sure he stands out all the time. He is soooo vain. I don't doubt if he puts his mind to it, and wants to be famous he will get himself noticed enough to at least get his foot in the door. Thanks for your thoughts, and I'll have to remind the little putz how lucky he is to have me to sew up his costumes and attach all his rhinestones!
@ElicBxn (59922)
• United States
1 May 07
Probably a bit of both on your last question. I'd say let him chew the scenery now while he's young & has fewer consequences for his behavoir. Also, since he's doing it in an acceptable forum, thru school, then he's less likely to go out & start doing it away from where you can keep an eye on him. But what do I know, I've never had any kids, just watched other people's kids & growing up more as an observer than a participant.
2 people like this
• Ireland
1 May 07
You probably have a fairly clear eye then, since you aren't up to your eyeballs in the parenting madness. Can you imagine what it'd be like living with a young David Bowie, or Iggy Pop or someone like that? He is much more over the top than most of his friends. He loves performing, and gets giddy with each new project. It certainly keps things exciting!
1 person likes this
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
7 May 07
I say that he isn't hurting anyone so I would just sit back and enjoy the show. There are worst things he can do. Atleast he is doing things that will entertain everyone. Kids only get to be children for so long. If this was my child I would allow him to continue. Your only young once.
2 people like this
10 May 07
Emma - This isn't her looking as much as she normally does but you can see her hair here.
My kid sister is 12. Once upon a time she was this lovely little blonde haired thing who wore flowery dresses and thought I was amazing. Now she dyes her hair blue-black, buys these fake ear tunnel things to mkae it look like she has massive holes in her ear lobes, stinks jewels to her nose to make it looked pierced and fake magnet studs on her lip, the black eye make up is nearly at her hairline, she wears blood red lipstick, she is in a band, has a friend who goes to a psychiatrist and is totally her own image. I think this is all just part of being 12, she started at big school this year and she is just discovering herself. up until this point she never thought of wearing anything that made a statement and now so has found she is loving it. Just go with it, buy him some stuff that he wants - if you can afford it, appreciate that he has the courage to do it cos there are plently of people who do. DOn't make fun of him cos this is the point that could knock the courage out of him for adult hood but just try and keep him in check of himself.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
10 May 07
If I didn't rib him he would have me in to have myhead examined because he would woner who the imposter is. I am so nice i have even offered my poting shed for the 'band' to practice in, but they have to clean it out and shift things. So far, no takers on that!
1 person likes this
10 May 07
Emma was going to a studio and it only cost 20 pound each a week. That is 40 dollars. Sorry I dont know how to work Euros. I will guess 14 euros. When she started all this my mum says under no circumstances would she be getting a drumkit. Last week she asks for a drum kit! She went to the dancing last week. You know the under 18's and apparently loved it. We take her to concerts and she moans her ears hurt! Lol!"
• Canada
2 May 07
Sounds like you've got Mr. Personality/Rock Star in the making! I think that's absolutely wonderful. If I may offer some advice: don't tamp him down, revel in his creativity, enjoy the show! Yes, I think you may have a future celebrity in your hands. Good thing he's got you to keep him anchored. He sounds like a delightful kid. You are lucky to have him. And of course, he is lucky to have you! Maybe get him to involve the little brother as well, so he doesn't develop a complex. Maybe set aside some special time just for him so the spotlight is not on big brother all the time. It really sounds like life in your house is a lot of fun! Great parenting skills, WP... keep up the good work. :-0
• Ireland
2 May 07
Well, now that he is designing t-shirts, maybe he can put his little brother in charge of marketing for the band. I am sure he will have a job for all of us ;-) And stupid me, I said they cold practice HERE on Friday since the original house fell through for this week. Good god, the neighbours are going to have a cow, but seeing how often I have to listen to them signing 'The Firlds of Athenry', I will remind them of that if they have anything to say about it.
@Kalikala (433)
• United States
2 May 07
My advice? Give it some time. I was a theater person in school, and it was always interesting to watch the kids who were just getting into it transform. For some, it's a matter of coming out of their shells, for others, it's a matter of toning it down a little. Give him some time to find his place. It sounds like he's got a lot of confidence, which is so rare at that age, it would be a shame to damage it! If it's still an issue after a few months, you could reapproach it, but for the time being, I'd just let him be. Hope that helps!
1 person likes this
• Ireland
2 May 07
I guess it is very true, at this age many of his peers don't have the same confidence, although there is hot competition amongst his mates, they are a competitive bunch. I think they are always trying to out do one another and are a very driven group. Mine, however, has such a flair and sense of drama that he injects into EVERYTHING. I swear, he could turn brushing his teeth into a broadway play (or so he thinks). Who knows what the future will have in store!
2 May 07
Well at least its not boring at your house, Lol! he could be out there on the streets hurting people and getting into trouble, but no all he wants is to be an actor, good on him, I wish him every success in the future.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
2 May 07
You're right, it is far from boring! He is curently designing the band's logo and has big plans for tshirts. Of course, he is also a talented artist, so we are off on yet another tangent!
1 May 07
He's playing Adam Ant wow that's so cool. It sounds like you have a real live wire there hun, and a very talented soul too. If he wants to get into acting and performing, that is wonderful. He is obviously a happy kid and it's always good to encourage kids when they are creative. I reckon he will do fine, and with you supporting him he could go all the way to the top
1 person likes this
• Ireland
1 May 07
I think he is going to make a brilliant Adam Ant. He will also be playing Jonas, a monk, and he got the part because he can pull off a wicked Scottish accent. I forget who the other character is, but I am sure he will tell me all about it ;-) He has no, or very little sense of shame so he is a natural performer. I have been embarassing him since the day he was born, so I assume he got any and all sense of shame out of his system. Now, he is getting even!
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
1 May 07
I don't know how old your son is-- but my inclination is to say "try to just grin and bear it," at least for a while. It sounds to me like he has found something he's really passionate about, even IF it is just part of the process of him finding out "who he is." Maybe it'll blow over, maybe it won't-- I just remember having MUCH opposition to pursing ANYthing my parents didn't like, when I was young... as a result of which I was extremely "stodgy" by the time I left home at 18. Most likely, his mates and people he's acting with will keep him in touch with reality-- if he really IS good (you said he has won awards), he'll end up developing his talent; if he's only "a legend in his OWN mind," he'll be brought back down to earth, soon enough. The only thing mom might be able to do is point out that a little humility might not be a bad thing.
• Ireland
1 May 07
Legend in his OWN mind, I love it! I think he is good and he is a legend to himself, but holy moly, dealing with it around the clock can be something else. I catch him checking himself in the kettle reflection. I have to remid him drama is over, w're not on stage right now...iy yi yi!
@KarenO52 (2951)
• United States
1 May 07
Be proud of your son, he's just being himself. A lot of kids are kind of shy and afraid to try things. Your son has a natural advantage being able to perform. He's the kind of person who makes things interesting for the rest of us. Enjoy him, and be there for support and encouragement. Being in a band is also a good thing for young ones. It teaches responsibility, because you have to show up for practice, and learn your parts before hand, and you have to be able to get along with all sorts of people. I'm sure you're a great mom and will do a fine job of guiding him.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
1 May 07
He is not the least shy or nervous of performing. That is somethng that is really good about the school they attend, they get them up and doing public speaking when they are too young to be worried about it, so none of tem seem to be worried about it. This young man of mine is something else, and as you say, he certainly keeps things interesting fot the rest of us!
1 person likes this
@KissThis (3008)
• United States
8 May 07
If this was my son I would stand back and encourage him. As parents we tell children that they can be anything they want to be. So when a child decides they want to try something I think that we should sit back, relax, and watch the show as long as they aren't doing something that is harmful to themselves and others.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
7 May 07
lol - maybe he is destined to be a mixture of both! It seems to be helping his confidence so I would probably leave him be for now - you never know he could be an Alister one of these days!
1 person likes this
• India
2 May 07
Hi There, I think you shouldn't tone him down but channelize his energy into something concrete, he might prove to be an asset
1 person likes this