Do you tell others about your problems?

Do you tell others about your problems? - A picture of a sad lady shedding tears.
Singapore
May 2, 2007 1:09pm CST
I am not talking about online friends here. I am talking about real people in your real lives, be they family or friends. When you have a problem, do you tell them? If you say you never had any problems, then you are either lying or lying. Yes, lying or lying. Period. It doesn't matter how you deal with your problems - be it in an optimistic manner or not. If you have a problem, do you talk to people about it? It may be of any nature - health, finance, relationship, school, anything. Do you tell? From my 6 years of experience, I have learned that telling people about your problems does not really change anything. Most of the time, it doesn't help you. But to those people whom you confided in, they will often feel pained for your sake. I am talking about your loved ones and close friends whom you share your problems with. If you have a problem and keep it to yourself, you are the only one suffering. But if you have a problem and you tell it to a loved one, two people are suffering. That's why I refrain from telling others about my problems. If I love them, why should I burden them unnecessarily? Everyone has problems enough to handle; I don't need to add on to what they are already shouldering. Are you like me in this aspect? Or do you typically broadcast your problems to anyone who could hear? Or... ? Do share your thoughts.
58 people like this
174 responses
@emisle (3824)
• Ireland
2 May 07
I don't tell my problems to others, mainly because I'm good at dealing with them myself. I do have people that I can talk too though, and it's nice to have that option. I also like others to confide in me as I know that it makes them feel better to know they have someone who they can relax around..:)
8 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
Wow, that's cool. So you are a great problem solver.
1 person likes this
@emisle (3824)
• Ireland
3 May 07
well not so much that, as the fact that I'm a good listener and non-judgemental..:)
2 people like this
@anonymili (3138)
2 May 07
There's a saying which goes "A trouble shared is a trouble halved!" Well as you say, it's not really, it's a trouble doubled because now someone is also worrying about it. I tend to keep a lot of my fears and worries close to my own chest, i.e. I don't share with others my deepest concerns, but there are people whom I care about who I feel able to share some of my troubles with because sometimes they can make suggestions as to how to make things easier or lessen the load. I'm not saying it's always the case and I'm not saying I would always take the advice but at the end of the day, if you trust and have respect for other people's opinions, why should you not go to them in times of need sometimes? More often I find people come to me with their troubles and I give my advice - whether they like it or not and whether they take that advice or not is up to them. Sometimes, of course, I cannot make a suggestion to help people out, in those cases I would be just a shoulder to cry on and it does make some people feel better when they share a problem with someone else. Many guys find it difficult to share their troubles, whereas women generally find it easier to share. I'm not saying who's right or wrong but it's down to individuals as to how they choose to cope - by either keeping it inside till things get better or keeping it inside until they reach the point of explosion, or share troubles and hopefully someone can help you or just make soothing noises... :)
• Singapore
3 May 07
tsk tsk - You are in the running for best response!
Yea..
@rodeotexas (1154)
• United States
2 May 07
I usually keep my problems to myself that way I don't have to deal with telling someone and them asking tons of questions and stuff.
6 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
You are pretty private too.
1 person likes this
• Kottayam, India
4 May 07
Sharing your burden with some one who appreciate you.Some of your friends can bring suggestion
• Singapore
5 May 07
Not that easy to find people who can appreciate you..
1 person likes this
@crazy1 (480)
• New Zealand
2 May 07
Theres an old saying in my family, 'a problem shared is a problem halved.' Some times it helps to talk about it.
6 people like this
• Philippines
3 May 07
I agree with you. There are problem you can't solved alone and you need to get help. I have these problem once at work where I can't make the program work. The deadline is approaching pass and I have not figured out how to make it work. Eventually by asking and telling, you found someone who knows the problem and provided a solution. My friends also tell their problem to me and I'm not burden by it. If I can help, I help, but by just listening to them you already provided some kind of help. It lessen their burden.
• Singapore
3 May 07
If you feel that someone can help you with your problem, then fair enough. But otherwise? I would think that a problem shared will become a problem doubled.
1 person likes this
@crazy1 (480)
• New Zealand
3 May 07
I aggree lordwarwizard, but then talking to the right person at the right time helps, theres little point in talking about a problem with some one who hasn't been there and done that.
1 person likes this
@lenapoo (674)
• United States
2 May 07
I rarely tell people in real life about my problems because people talk to much and are very judgemental. So most of the time if I have a problem I usually just talk to someone online that I don't know or either just try and forget about it.
6 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
You are right in that. If you tell your problems to the wrong person, the next thing you know, everyone knows about them.
1 person likes this
3 May 07
if there is nothing they can help us,it`s unnessesary to tell our famliys.or close friends. everyone should confront the difficulities by themselves. nobody can help you except yourselves.
2 people like this
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
2 May 07
I am introvert person and prefer to resolve my problems allone, if i can.Sometimes theese are not actually problems. Just emotions i need to release. But when i need a real help, i share with them and i am sad if they refuse.They usually dont refuse-i never abuse with this. Rated :-)
6 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
Glad that you have someone to talk to. ;-)
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 May 07
I am the kind of person that usually deals with my problems myself, but it's good to know that I have good friends, family, and of course a hubby that I can confide in. Usually though it is problems my hubby and I go through together (parenting or financial problems). I don't want to burden other people as you have said but sometimes it does help to get it out.
4 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
Good to hear that you can take care of most things yourself. ;-)
• Malaysia
3 May 07
I'm a quiet and shy person. I never share my problems or feelings with others! Even with my family. I prefer to keep it to myself and solve them. I guess I fell ashame telling people about my problems. Besides, like you said, they also couldn't change anything or solve it for me. I don't want to bug them with my woes.
3 people like this
• Philippines
3 May 07
there are problems which can be solved by asking for help from others. there are also problems which will be solved with better rationale if we ask for the opinion of others. some frineds and relatives can shed light on some matters in life. i am saying this, per my experience in life. i have been through so much already. now, i can very well say, that i had managed to hurdle all my problems at good enough levels with the able help coming from my mother, other relatives and some good friends.
2 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
myLot is the place for you then. You are sort of anonymous like everyone else.
@Melody1 (968)
• India
3 May 07
Like you,I too feel that telling your loved ones about your isn't going to help you much but instead they'll be worried too.But there are some problems that can be overcome by taking other's help.In that case I do try to share my problem with the concerned person. Sometimes we keep our problems to ourselves only and worry too much.In this case I feel we should confide to atleast one of my friends to ease out my stress.Sometimes i like to write it in my diary and this helps me in venting out my tension.
3 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
So you keep a diary too. :)
@unishwetabh (1032)
• India
3 May 07
No....most of the time I dont tell anyone about my problems. Not even to my close friends or not even to my parents. I dont know why but I am like this only. Sometimes i feel that I should be able to solve my problems by myself as i am big enough and should not depend on others. But then i also feel that its sometimes better to take help.
3 people like this
@PsychoDude (2018)
• Netherlands
2 May 07
I guess I'll be lying... but if I'd ask myself, have I ever had any serious problems? I'd say no. And not serious stuff I won't really call a problem. When I actually look at the points you list in example: Health, my biggest problem with that has been chicken pox at the age of 4 or so Finance, no problems there, my parents are helping me out there to get through my studies for now, so the problems will have to wait a bit before they come up :P. Relationship, sometimes a little down, but I am always really optimistic so I don't tend to recognize it as a problem. So usually it is my girlfriend talking about it to me then rather than the way around. School, has been going pretty laid back so far, never had a single year yet in which I was worried of not making it and that negative grade on that rare occasions I don't see as a problem since I'll have the chance to fix it anyways. It is always hard to come up with something when people ask you for the latest problem I had, many people can come with the loss of a loved one, grades going bad, etc but for some reason I never had to cope with any of that yet. I never had someone in my family or someone I knew dying when I was alive, I never had any problems going on with my school and I usually can't come up with anything more severe than my computer having crashed, the electricity having suffered from a blackout, the bus having been late, whatsoever. But I'd say those are more frustrations which last a couple of hours rather than a problem. Perhaps I must have come across something more serious once in my life, but definitely hasn't made enough of an impact on me that I actually recall it. I guess if I'd really be having problems with something though I'd talk about, probably with my girlfriend or some close friends at college. Even if it wouldn't really help, just to have shared it I suppose.
2 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
tsk tsk - You are in the running for best response!
You are incredible. Are you for sale? LOL:P
• Netherlands
3 May 07
Wanna buy me? ;) What's your offer :P.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
4 May 07
2 bucks. Deal?
@xParanoiax (6999)
• United States
22 May 07
It depends on the nature of the problem. Family? More often than not telling them would create more problems than solving the problem I started out with originally anyway. Or else it'd give unessary critisism -- I'm harder on myself than anyone else. I do NOT need help on the critisizing and telling about how my ideas are foolish, front. Strangers? I hardly trust my FAMILY, why would I trust a stranger? If I don't think it'll hurt, I might put it across rhetorically. A friend..someone I've known a long time and trust indefinitely..yeah, I'd tell them. But for the most part, I keep my 'issues' to myself, talkin' about them only if they're REALLY bothering me, or else if I hit a snag on solving the problem with no answer in sight. But for the most part I
2 people like this
• United States
22 May 07
Wow..mylot cut off the last bit of my response..O_O the finish of that reponse is: "But for the most part I stick to myself. Talkin' to folks only when the problem is really bugging me or else if I hit a snag at finding the solution -- with no answers in sight."
2 people like this
• Singapore
22 May 07
Actually, sometimes it might be easier to trust a stranger than family. :P
1 person likes this
@gifana (4838)
• Portugal
8 May 07
about. I live a very simple life, helping others when I can, keeping out of the limelight (except maybe when I have one too many to drink and then I'm the life of the party). It's not that I don't have confidence in any of my friends, believe me. I would much rather listen and put in my two cents for whatever it is worth then to ramble on about something that may concern me. I do, however, share my thoughts with others but I try to make it a point not to talk about me...just on life in general. Another good post, your grace. +
@gifana (4838)
• Portugal
8 May 07
orry your grace, the beginning got chopped off. I think I said something like I don't burden my friends with problems because I don't have any (problems that is). I feel that they have their own lives to contend with have little or no time with my problems to worry about.
2 people like this
• Singapore
9 May 07
Oh yea? So you are saying you are a little carefree lady bouncing around? :P
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60763)
• United States
2 May 07
I do, to a point. Sometimes friends don't know you are hurting & will make s special effort to help you deal with the problem. There's some saying about Pain shared, but I can't think of it - since I can barely stay awake now.
2 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
Are you sacrificing sleep in favor of myLot? Do have a good rest!
@ElicBxn (60763)
• United States
4 May 07
Not missing sleep, more that I have trouble sleeping at the best of times so I'm up & down some nights, & if I'm up, I might just as well be on mylot as any place else. Something about getting old really seems to have gotten my right in the area I've always had trouble with - sleeping.
• United States
2 May 07
I don't usually tell anyone about what all I have been through or am going through unless my situation might help another.
2 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
Quite private too.
• United States
3 May 07
I have to be because everyone is going to have things to deal with in their life. Why dwell on it? Just live it and go through it to see what life is going to throw at you next.
1 person likes this
@ricknkae (1726)
• United States
2 May 07
Yes but if you never tell them your problems they will assume everything goes wonderfully fin ewith you and might fall from higher if they hear about your problems afterwards, and they might have grown worse I found that talking is relieving and if you don't want to "burden" your family with your problems why not go in a chatroom and tell it to total strangers!? I did it and it is very relieving, plus you don't know them so you don't really feel embarrassed to tell them private stuff ... they don't know you , you don't know them ... but sometimes they really can help
2 people like this
• Singapore
3 May 07
I know. But telling it to strangers sometimes just doesn't help. It's different.
@ricknkae (1726)
• United States
6 May 07
but isn t it at least better than keping it all for yourself and tell it to noone?
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
2 May 07
The only time i tell anyone of my in person peers about any problem or issue in my life is when i'm really desperate or something i guess. there's a select few people i talk to about things, and mostly, their in my home, and we talk everything out to figure things out better. I don't tell really anyone else about my problems, because usually things get stretched and spread, making it look like i can't handle my life or something. even when it's about a bill or a fight i've had with a roomie. I try to be positive over everything that happens, because no matter what, everything works out in the end. If someone asks how things are, i tell them the good stuff usually, and then just say everything else'll work out, that way, I'm not lying, just saying what's on my mind.
• Singapore
3 May 07
I know what you are saying. I was like hey, if I confide in you, it means I trust and value you, not because I can't handle my own life. I wouldn't want to look desperate.
• Canada
3 May 07
yeah there's no sense in that, i think that's probably somewhat where my trust issues of most people come from, people just don't get that when you talk to them about something serious, it's because you need to talk to them about it, and trust them enough to hold it in confidence.
1 person likes this
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
22 May 07
It has been one of my problems lately. There is this guy that I share all my problems with. He is my boyfriend/bestfriend. He knows everything about me. All my secrets and stuff. We had this nice relationship. Recently there have been problems between the two of us. Now, I do not have any person to talk to about my problem because he is my problem.
2 people like this
• Singapore
22 May 07
I hope he doesn't betray your confidence...
1 person likes this
• India
22 May 07
No generally i ignore sharing my problems with others. About 5 months ago i was cheated by a person. I relied on him very much and he talked with me in a very frank manner. So, seeing this i told him my problems and my secrets but later on after three or four days he told that all matters and conversations to my family members. After that incidence i stopped sharing my problems with anyone....
• Singapore
22 May 07
Kill all cheaters.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 May 07
i'm a private person too. i feel taht if im going to share my problem to them i will disturb tehm and make them worry. especially when i know they are in crisis too. but soemtimes when i feel taht i can't carry those laods of problem i shared it to them but i never show taht im affected just want them to know taht im on a crisis. and they know me.. i love being alone when it comes to my persoanl life.
2 people like this
• Singapore
22 May 07
Sure, if it works for you. ;-)
1 person likes this