Divorce

United States
May 2, 2007 10:22pm CST
I swore as a chld to never get a divorce. I saw my parents divorce and then I saw my mom divorce my step dad. It was hard onme. But I know my marriage is over. It is done. I have 3 kids. Been married for almost 7 years. I am just wondering if anyone else feels like they should stay together for thier kids sake? Is it better to stay together, not get along and fight. Or is it better for my kids to just walk away? To not fight, to be friends?
3 people like this
14 responses
@biwasaki (1745)
• United States
3 May 07
Honestly, I think if you really feel that it's over I think the best thing to do would be to get a divorce. I mean, if you're not happy how can you possibly make your kids happy? You might argue with your husband and then end up taking out your frustration on your kids. The end result, no one is happy. I think it's much better to just end it with your husband and be friends with him, rather than have your children see you arguing all the time.
• United States
3 May 07
I hope maybe we can try 1 more time and then if it falls apart again, it will be over
1 person likes this
@biwasaki (1745)
• United States
3 May 07
I think that is a wise choice to give it more time. I hope it works out for the best. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
3 May 07
me too.. i swore that i never get divorce as i've already saw my parents doing it.. and i do know how it actually affect the child.. but .. can i really predict the future? while in your case.. i do feel sorry you.. i believe it's not really that easy to accept the fact right? the one that is going to have the biggest impact from this divorce is neither you or your husband.. but your kids.. i understand how your kids are going to pass their coming days... it's not going to be easy at all.. and i think if i can really do something about it.. i would have done it.. i'm sorry i can't do anything to help you... if the love is no longer there.. can you still stay together?
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 07
We still love each other, but we are just fighting.
@kumar27 (129)
• India
3 May 07
compromising life for the sake of children-stay -together instead of divrocing is a great idea. be cool and friendly to eachother and never to fight
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 07
I just don't know how to not fight.
@eanna13 (133)
• United States
3 May 07
My parents stayed together for the sake of the kids. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and just laying in bed and listening to them fight. I wished for YEARS that they would just get a divorce. I was miserable! by the time I was a teen they had just stopped talking, I can't tell you everything I got away with because of that, but I know if they were talking I wouldn't have done half the things I did. I have now been married for 10 years, and I know if my relationship ever got that bad I would get a divorce, I don't want my daughter growing up like I did!
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 07
I felt horrible listening to my mom and step dad fighting. It was as bad as the divorce.
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
3 May 07
My parents stayed together for the sake of the kids and let me tell you, my life and my sister's life would have been much happier if they had divorced. I grew up in home that was mentally, verbally and emotionally abusive. My mother could have left but didn't because she thought it was better to stay and try to work it out. Now, 37 years later, my mother and father HATE each other. I don't mean that they just don't get along, I mean they HATE each other. My sister married a man that is very good to her, but extremely controlling. She is not even allowed to stay at my house overnight because he doesn't like not having her at their house. He controls every penny that comes into their home. I married a man who is sometimes so much like my father I want to strangle him. The only difference is that my husband actually tries to be a better husband when I point out how upset he is making me. Staying together for the sake of the kids can do more damage than just getting the divorce. I believe that every marriage that can be saved, should be, but sometimes the relationship is just not worth saving. If you truly believe that there is no hope in saving your relationship, then you need to walk away.
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 07
It was so hard growing up without a dad, but I really want to work things out, I don't want hubby to miss a second of his kids growing up.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
3 May 07
Divorce is a nasty thing to say or even the thought of it. I think everyone deserves one more chance. If the war is getting intense don't get the children as your witnesses in this unpleasant situation. They will grow up ubnormally. Compromise is the word but if he abuses your trust yet again, don't stand by him. There are many successful single parent out there and there even have association to cater for single parent. Your judgement is crucial for the welbeing of your children. No one is in the position to help you to decide as its only you who is in this situation who can decide the best thing for yourself and the future of your children.
2 people like this
• United States
3 May 07
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
3 May 07
I stayed with my ex for what I told myself was for the children and I stayed untill they were grown and gone, it changed nothing I had thought may we could grow closer over the years but it didnt happen, so I ended it after 30 years,I am now remaired to my soulmate and very happy.Im not sure if it is good for the kids if they see you fighting all the time and dont get any quality time with both parents what are you really teaching them.
• United States
3 May 07
I am worried I am teaching them that this much fighting is ok
1 person likes this
@bigedshult1 (1613)
• United States
3 May 07
it better to stay togeteher and lear what hapton to your love and work on it together and have a famly that jost quiting an go a way you loved him at one time so think of what he ment ot you then and do some of the thing that you did back then if he is a good man then work with him and find out what it will take for you to get it all wright in your marrage then you will all be happy
2 people like this
• United States
3 May 07
Thanks
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
5 May 07
I would recommend perhaps you try & sort things out - try counselling at LEAST, things can be worked out if you both put in the effort. There's no point in saying it's over if you haven't even thought to try getting professional help. If then, the professional help doesn't get things sorted, then you could try separating or divorce but i wouldn't leave if you've not yet tried anything to resolve the problems. You also don't wanna stay just for the sake of the kids, if they're better off where there's no fighting then go but as i said, don't just leave until you've attempted every last possible avenue of help. Good luck & i hope you guys can work out what's causing you to think it's over coz 7 years really isn't all that long (compared to some)!
• United States
8 May 07
I asked to o counseling and he refuses... I don't think I can work on it for the both of us.
• United States
4 May 07
I would never stay with someone just for the kids sake. I did with my oldest daughter's dad and it made her, and me miserable because all we did was fight and she seen me crying so much. I think it would be better when both of you are happy then the children will be happier.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 07
I agree!
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
3 May 07
You should get God into your life. Start praying seveal times a day, read the Bible, an take yur husband and children to church. This is important. When two people get married, they are no longer two people but one. Stop fighting with your husband and try to get along with him.
• United States
4 May 07
Thanks
@Destiny007 (5820)
• United States
3 May 07
I had to make this decision myself. I also swore I would never get divorced. I hung on for five years after I knew that the marriage had failed in hopes of things turning around. They didn't and I got divorced after 18 years. My son was 15 so the impact on him was not nearly as bad as it would have been if he had been younger. I think trying to stay together just for the sake of the kids is a mistake. Life is too short to have to go through that type of a relationship. If you know the marriage is over and it cannot be saved then it is best to cut your losses and move on.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 07
I have 3 kids and they are very young. The oldest is 6. So I know if we do split or stay, they get the brunt of the impact. Whether I stay or go, it affects them the most.
• United States
3 May 07
I was divorced after 7 years of marriage and had 3 children. It was very very hard to raise them by myself. Even though my ex was their father, he acted like he divorced his children, too. It is very hard physically, emotionally, and financially to be a divorced mother of three. After having said that, I always advise young women who think they would be happier divorced, to think about staying together. Does he physically or mentally abuse you? Does he run around with other women? Does he have a hard time keeping a job? If the answer to those questions is "No", then you need to work on repairing your relationship. Make a list of the things you like about him. After all, you did love him at some time to have married him and had three children with him. Then, make a list of the things you don't like about him. Of the things that you don't like about him, which of them are the worst? Have you talked to him about the things that are making you unhappy? Does he know you are thinking of divorce? If not, maybe a long talk with him could bring about a change. Maybe you could get some marriage or couples counseling, too. I just know that my children have a lot of issues because of my divorce from their father. They are in their 30's now and still feel bad about it.
• United States
4 May 07
I think I am trying to make it work lots more than he is.
• United States
3 May 07
I don't feel parents should stay together for the kids sake. The kids can feel the tension and more often than not the fighting and arguing is done in front of the child or children. That is no good. It is better to sit the children down and explain to them that some time parents can not get along and it has nothing to do with them. That mom and dad will always love them and be there for them. Also the problem was not caused by the children and this should also be explained to them.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 07
We try to not fight in front of my kids, but we live in a small home, so not too many places to go and hide.