What should you do when your mother wants

@AnnaB87 (761)
United States
May 2, 2007 10:45pm CST
to control everything in your life and you are married. Mine is constantly wanting to have control over my life and marriage, because she does not have the control she wants she makes things hard for me in many ways. For instance tonight she was running down my husband my kids, me and where we are living, and the circumstances we are living in. And finally I just told her that we are living where God wants us to live at this time, and that she was trying to say she was smarter than God by telling me that I could just go find somewhere else to move. No I can not find somewhere else to move, you have to have enough money to pay the rent on another place, you can not move for free, and today, I have a place to live, I may not tommorrow, but today I do, and I am thankful. And I think it is wrong to judge people because of where they live or what they can afford, I think that is just mean do you agree????
1 person likes this
7 responses
@Caila611 (992)
• United States
3 May 07
My mom was the same way. I had to go to counseling because of it. One thing i learned is that they try to control you because there lives are out of control. I had to learn to voice my oppinion and set boundaries. Once i did that My life and relationship with her became less stressfull and more fullfilling. You have to be nice but be willing to set the boundaries and learn to say no!
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@AnnaB87 (761)
• United States
3 May 07
I think that it is good to have boundries but they can be hard to establish.
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@Caila611 (992)
• United States
3 May 07
Yes it is hard. I had to learn to set them without hurting her feelings. Sometimes it works and sometimes she gets a little out of sorts but she knows what I allow and what I don't. And she does respect me. She still has a thing about me buying our clothes at walmart though. LOL. I laugh it off and ignore her.
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@AnnaB87 (761)
• United States
3 May 07
I have a hard time too, because my mother is offended easily and she can make life hard for me. I wish I could move far away so that I could just talk to her from a distance that way maybe things would be easier. I don't know.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 May 07
Yes I do agree! Mothers just love to nag. My mom nags me about everything. ABout what I wear, what I eat, HOW I eat it, if I'm too skinny, if I've gained weight... She wants to control my life. She says I shouldn't live with my boyfriend and that I need to get married soon. She drives me insane!!! I guess it's the battle of estrogen. Mothers and daughters usually don't get along and I think it's because of the estrogen. Maybe when you have a daughter you'll be the same way too with her. That's what moms do. They NAG. It's their job!
@AnnaB87 (761)
• United States
4 May 07
I have a daughter and I try hard not to nag, I have also told myself that when she is old enough to get married that even if I do not like her choice for a husband she will never know it because I will keep my mouth shut even if I have to bite my lips to do so, I want her to do well, but I do not want to push her away from me as my mother keeps doing by the way she treats me.
@cyrile07 (236)
• Philippines
3 May 07
yes i totally agree, you cant judge a person by their appearances, as long as the family is happy about where they live and can eat full meals aday then there's nothing wrong in what house they live as long as it is a HOME.. meaning there is harmony and joy in the house... just ignore your mom and move on with your lives.. just dont get affected by your mom's behaviour and as long as you love your family and your happy there is nothing wrong... stay happy and have a healthy marriage life :) God bless!!
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@AnnaB87 (761)
• United States
3 May 07
Thank you much,. and I agree appearances are not always what they seem
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
3 May 07
Last I knew there was only one judge, but I think mothers do this because they want the best for there children.No one should be put down for where they live or what they have,I think I might have to tell her if she insist on putting down my husband and children that she was no longer welcome in my home.
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@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
3 May 07
My mom is the same way. I'm having my second child so we have to move a couple of things around our house so both of the kids can have their own rooms. She wants my house to be done how she wants it done. This is my house and I put my table where I want to put my table. Shes always been like that and I did get into it once with her when she kept wanting to feed my daughter cereal when she was only 2 months old. My daughter was doing fine. The doctor said she was a perfect weight why would I feed her something to make her fat. After that she backed down a bit but I don't think it will ever stop. Most of the time I just say yep and do it my own way. I do think its mean when people think bad of you just because you live in a certain place. At least your making it. Good luck
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@AnnaB87 (761)
• United States
3 May 07
I hope your able to get things just as you want them for when the new baby gets here. My mother has said and done some horrible things to me, and I try my level best to not say anything out of line to her, but it is hard, and I really feel bad today. and I wish we were doing better, maybe one day we will but at least tonight I have a place to stay even if it is too small. and it is cramped and I don't have a lot of luxuries others take for granted, And my mother was like that with my kids when they were babies too, she was very upset when I was not bottle feeding. and when I did not agree that they could go stay all night as babies anywhere, I wish I could just move and things would get better, but I don't know what is going to happen, I am depressed a little tonight. Anyway, congradulations on your new baby, I love babies they are so sweet.
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• United States
4 May 07
You know I agree with you actually before me and my husband got married I decided to move to texas and I didn't tell my mom or dad because I knew they would try to stop me and I know I didn't want to be where I was. I know what you mean you do what you have to for your family to take care of them. Don't let her try to bring you down as hard as that it because it's your mom. Just keep praying to god and your prayers will be answered.
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3 May 07
Quit giving her the power to control your life. Your perception that your mother is controlling your life only exists in your mind. As I see it, you have two choices: (a) You can recognize your mother as a person with human qualities and not identify with her attempts to control your life. Identify and labeling her behavior and actions gives it life and power, or (b) set some boundaries and stick to them. Your mother may not agree with them, and you can tell her that's OK. The moment you allow her to penetrate those boundaries you have set then it becomes you allowing your mother to control your life again. You have a part in this too. Try and think about what that is. Good luck. It is as it should be.
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