Spare Thy Child,Spoil Thy Rod

United States
May 3, 2007 1:34pm CST
I started spanking my son at a very young age,(around 10 months)and by the time he turned 2 I didn't have to anymore...Now my son is nearly 3 and honestly I think the child is really scared of me Do you think this is good to a childs development to be fearful of his parents and know that each action has consequences
2 people like this
5 responses
• United States
3 May 07
The "rod" that is in the Bible is referring to a STANDARD, a guideline and not a cane or something to inflict pain. The Bible is merely suggesting that you should have standards and guidelines for a child. Otherwise, it is easy for them to stray. But a lot of people take this text out of context. I agree with you that children should learn that their actions have consequences. I'm very strict with my child but I don't believe in just giving him a spanking to discipline him. There are many other ways I can show him discipline and teach him right from wrong. Recently, I taught him how to stop pinching me without resorting to any kind of violence, raised voices, etc. You can read all about it under my postings.
• United States
4 May 07
This is the second person I've heard say that a rod isn't literal in the Bible, and I'm not trying to be contentious, but that is just plain wrong. There are in fact several different verses in the Bible that very specifically refer to using physical punishment with your child with a rod because doing so will quite literally "beat the foolishness" out of them. Please look at these verses: http://cf.blb.org/search/translationResults.cfm?Criteria=rod&version=NKJV&page=2 ..scroll to the bottom where the verses from Proverbs are. Most notable is Proverbs 23:13 and 14: "Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his sould from hell" also in Proverbs 22:15: "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him" Again, I'm not trying to be a Bible-thumper here, but I just get angry when people misquote or misrepresent the word of God. Also, this is to say nothing of the reality that punishment must be done properly and in love, as the new testament teaches and indeed as we have many examples of God doing so throughout the Bible as he talks about punishing his people with a rod of correction because he is their father and loves them.
@mememama (3077)
• United States
4 May 07
amen Teresa ;) If the bible really told me to beat my child, I'd have to rethink the whole Christianity thing since that goes against my maternal instincts to protect him.
• United States
4 May 07
My sister Teresa, I say this with as much love in my voice as possible, but you are not speaking from wisdom, but from self-justification. Everything about your posts, the research, and the hebrew words clearly makes the point that a rod is a stick, and that you should use it on your child when he is being foolish. Why can you not see what is plainly before your eyes? Is God the author of confusion and equivocation? Does the fact that you have quoted scholars to support your point mean you're right? If I were to quote scholars I would have used the exact same texts to come to the exact opposite conclusion as you have. So, again, I say this in love, but you are wrong and are making scripture what you want it to be, not what it is. Frankly, you need a good rodding yourself for attempting to teach false doctrine. The Bible has a lot to say about that as well. Alas, that's all I can say on this topic. I leave the use of common sense in the hands of anyone else who reads here.
• United States
3 May 07
I agree with the others here so far. Yes, children need to learn that every action has a consequence but it's not good for them to fear their parents. You are now going to have to overcome the problems your actions have caused to come between you. Start building trust and love between you right away. A family therapist would help you along. You'll find that children are generally very forgiving if you give them even half a chance. They truly WANT to love and trust us as parents so it can be done!
@mememama (3077)
• United States
3 May 07
I believe that the "rod" in the bible refers to a guide, like a rod was used for wandering sheep. You have to teach your children to do things correctly. I don't think it's good for a child to fear his parents, I think there will be trust issues and he may not always tell you about everything in life. You can teach a child that actions have consequences without using physical discipline. Discipline doesn't mean you need to be physical, you can use time outs, praise when they are being well, loss of privelages, talk to the child. There's a lot of different techniques to use besides spanking. I can't imagine raising a hand to a 10 month old, he was just a baby!
• United States
3 May 07
It was a love tap to the thigh and a stern look into his beautiful eyes
• United States
3 May 07
I do not feel a child should fear their parent, that is completly wrong and will have consequences of its own as the child gets older. Having respect is what you want, not fear.
• United States
4 May 07
Absolutely your children must fear you. They must fear you to the same degree that you fear the law and don't wish to be thrown in prison. After all, you are the only law they know, so it's better that they be afraid of punishment, then suffer the consequences of an unfettered life. Conversely, however, to the same degree that they fear you, they must also have a conviction that you love them. Communication is key in expression love via discipline. Many people have a hard time understanding that discipline is love. It's protection from the bad part of themself that would rather just do whatever/whenever they want. So a rhetorical question for you is this: Is your child 100% confident that you love them? Can they see it in your eyes and hear it when you discipline them? If you are communicating anger to them, then I would say that it's possible you may be doing harm through your discipline along with the good. The other important point is to recognize the personality differences that are already developing in your child by that age. If you tend to be a more stout/calussed personality and are married to a sensitive, easily offended/emotionally hurt spouse, there can be an issue of perception from the child especially if the child gets their personality from the spouse. The key here again is just to remember communication. We can rely on implication or think the child will just "pick up on it." Everything is learned one way or another directly from the parent at this age, making it vital that they know exactly what you are feeling and thinking when you discipline.
• United States
4 May 07
whoops: Correction: "We CAN'T rely on implication..."
• United States
4 May 07
Again, I want to add verbatim my comment above, just to be thorough here. Respect is based on fear. Trust is important but is a different thing altogether. Respecting God is the same as fearing god in the old testament scripture and if you do another word study you will see those two words are synonymous when it comes to our submission to his authority. Let me be clear in saying I don't believe that ALL children will always need a spanking. Some children are born naturally with submissive personalities and only need small corrections. Perhaps your children are naturally well behaved and don't need much correction. But there are many parents out there whose children reach a certain point that they cannot be reasoned with. That is the threshold scripture is referring to when it talks about foolishness being bound up in the heart of a child. Sometimes they get to the point where only physical action upon their body will bring them back to their senses. Obviously it's up to the parent as to when that point has been reached, and again, not all children will even come to that point, especially when it comes to girls. 99% of the time, children can be reasoned with if done properly.