Children... How many is a good number?

United States
May 4, 2007 2:41pm CST
My husband and I decided that we only wanted one child. I do and I don't want another baby. I love my daughter and I would do anything for her, but I don't think I want anymore kids. All of our friends keep telling us we need to have more. Is there really something wrong with only wanting one kid?
3 people like this
15 responses
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
4 May 07
lol yes!! I am an only child and while i have a close relationship with my parents, i worry about them as they get older (i am 45 and my dad is turning 70 this year and my mom next year...when they get old, i am it...there is no one else to take care of them... also, i hate being an only child...i see my hubby and other friends with their relationships with their sibs and still (yes even now) wish i had a sib...i still feel ripped off!! (my parents tried for 12 years after i was born, but nothin happened - so its not their fault)... lots of other only children that i have talked to also hated/hate being an only child.... we had two girls (more than one but we are not outnumbered by kids lol)...we also know a family with 9 kids! lol
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 07
thank you for your honesty. The more and more i think about it I think we really should. But he hated aving a sibling, so I don't know.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
4 May 07
well while it is tough while they are young, i am glad we had two...our daughters are almost 14 years apart...so they don't really fight a whole lot :-) good luck!
1 person likes this
@wahmoftwo (1298)
• United States
4 May 07
That is a good point about caring for aging parents but there is so much help out there now. I can't see having a child just for that.
1 person likes this
@student7 (1002)
• United States
4 May 07
I have two and it is perfect for us. We (my husband and I) can look after one. I feel that our family is complete with two. I was an only child and in fact that I was extremely lonely with no siblings. It is solely your decision to have one child. Don't let your friends hassle you about having another.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 07
See my husband was an only child for 5 years and when his brother came along he hated it. He said that his mom was struggle to just keep a roof over their heads. And me , My sister is a year a month and a day younger than me. We bicker, but I love her and could not imagine life without her. we are also military and I think that it is important for her to have a sibling, because of the uprooting. Also we are very good finacially. any advice on how to maybe change his mind?
1 person likes this
@wahmoftwo (1298)
• United States
4 May 07
My kids are five years apart and they get alon great... every situation is different :)
1 person likes this
@chiw31 (1)
• Indonesia
5 May 07
according me, ideal number of children was 2. it's not too difficult to decide what kind of education, also the cost...
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 07
I was raised as an only child, I say it this way because my sister was placed for adoption before I was born but we found each other about 12 years ago. I would see my friends with their siblings and be very jealous. Granted they fought a lot but when when someone would pick on one of them hey were there to protect and defend even it meant getting into a fist-fight. I feel like I missed out on something very important but I am not the worse for wear. My mom always made me feel special and did a lot with me, so it wasn't the lack of attention, just the closeness I wish I could have had. I feel blessed that I get a second chance in life, so to speak, to have a sibling and have a chance to bond with her. Granted we can never be as close as we coud have if we would have grown up together but it is a lot better than the empty feeling I use to get when watching my friends and their siblings. But it is a very personal decission as to how many children you want to have. You should not let your friends and family decide this for you. They are not the ones that have to raise and support the children. If you feel you can only raise one child, then you should only have one. Each person is different in how they feel. I know people who never want any children, some that only want 1, others want 2 and then you have me, I have had a total of 6, 5 of my children have lived. I would never have been happy with just 1 but like I said, it is a personal choice.
@wahmoftwo (1298)
• United States
4 May 07
No. There is nothing wrong with it. Just make sure you get her involved with lots of family/friends her own age and have lots of activities so she won't be bored. I am an only child. I needed more social interaction. I think I struggle with handling myself socialy now due to lack of experience as a child. I know that isn't true of all only children though. Why would you have another child just to appease others? If you change your mind that's ok, but if you don't that's ok too :) Best wishes.
1 person likes this
@diillu (5130)
4 May 07
There is nothing wrong about having just a one child but if you have two child then your child will have a friend in family. Usually a single child feels quite alone in thier childhood..i just think so. Just one of my friend is only a single child of her parents and this was her experience. But i never felt so since we are three children in my family.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22909)
• China
7 May 07
There is nothing wrong to want only one child. Life is yours to choose. I am a father of a 15-year-old boy. Quite a few times I have been discussing with my wife whether it is a good idea to have another child of ours. Sometimes when I decide to get one more, my wife says No. Once she said to me,"Now I'll give you the chance to have another baby."But when I was given the chance, I hesitated. So you see, sometimes it is my wife and sometimes it is her husband--me that hesitates about this. And then we let the best time of our life slip by. We are now middleaged. It won't be three years before my son goes to college and that will need lot of money and we will have to prepare enough money for him. To me, it seems better to have two children than one in a family. My suggestion is: if you both have decided to have just one child, that is great, for you don't have to share your energy on another, but if you want to have another one, it is better earlier than late or better young than old. What do you think?
• United States
7 May 07
Thnak you! I agree we will have another one within a couple of years if we decide, but for now we are happy with her.
• China
7 May 07
Thanks for your response. It is great that you are happy with your little child.
@oldboy46 (2133)
• Australia
7 May 07
Each situation is different .. I have 2 brothers but they are both older than I am .. one I was never close to and the middle one I was .. but this did change for a while when he was a teenager and then left home. The 7 year age difference was huge so I was a bit like an only child .. yes it is lonely sometimes but I did have plenty to keep me occupied. My ex-wife had only one brother .. they were not close at all and still aren't in fact .. she is older and resents him. My ex and I had 2 daughters .. and they cannot stand the sight of each other .. they are just 2 years apart in age. My partner is the oldest of 7 .. and still today the younger ones come to her with all of their problems and issues ... but she is not close to all of them. So there are difference in each situation. She also had 2 children but they are very close .. despite the fact that there is a 5 year age difference between them. You should only have a child if you are both ready to accept a second one .. and if you can afford to clothe, feed and educate all of the children that you have. You are still young .. you do have plenty of time to adjust and make a decision as to what you both want to do. Generally if you handle things right .. your children will be close .. when the new baby arrives make the older one feel important .. special and able to help with the new baby and so on. I have seen families where as each new child arrives .. the older one is pushed aside .. this is why they resent the new arrival.
• United States
7 May 07
Thank you. That is a new prespective. I wanted to start early and don't want my children too far apart in the event we want another, but I think now we are just fine with one. We will see in a year or two if we can afford another child, because what I want to avoid is not being able to give them BOTH what they need. I will make sure I don't push the oldest away if have another thanks!
@skbadhan (881)
• India
5 May 07
we don't have childrens yet but we have decieded to go for one child only so that we can provide him/her everything in a better way. there are my friends who have even 4-5 brother sisters but now i feel if we can fullfill all derise of our child in this expensive world thats too be worth for us
• United States
5 May 07
I don't believe that because I have 3 kids and they have everything they need not everything they want because I don't think you should give kids everything that they want then they expect to always have it. Also me and my husband have decided that our kids will be paying for their own college studies have shown more kids drop out when parents pay for their college than the ones that don't, yes we will be here to help them while they do it and they can even stay at home and still go to school if they want but I won't give my kids everything they want. My kids to have a lot more than most kids their age though and it is because we reward them for things they do and things they accomplish in school.
@stella1989 (2277)
• India
5 May 07
Yes according to me there is a little problem in having only one kid...! Being just a single daughter of the parents she will become more demanding as her every demand will be fullfilled as you will say she is just the one child yours..!And you don't have any other one to take care of...!! She will never share any of her thing to any one as no brothers and sister...!! So having "two" children is a good option than one..And also not more than that...!! So "Two" is a good number..!!
• United States
5 May 07
I see what you are saying, but I do not feel that she deserves "everything" because she is the only child. I understand that sharing may be a issue but i feel if she interacts with others her age it will help with that.
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2871)
• Australia
6 May 07
Nope, you just have as many or as few kids as you want, i would recommend another child just for your daughter's growing up with a sibling & friend. I can understand your husband not liking having a sibling but 5 years apart is a fairly large gap - which could be the reason they don't get along, think about it - how would you like to be the only one to get all the attentions for 5 years only to stop getting the attention due to a new baby? I would suggest you should tell you hubby all your reasons for having another child, let him know if you have them closer together then they're less likely to bicker as much as he & his sibling did. Go out & speak to only children that you know of (that are adults now) & see how they felt growing up, i'm sure it was a lonely time for them without anyone to play with! Good luck :)
• United States
5 May 07
I don't think nothing is wrong with you about wanting just one but you might really want to rethink it bcuz I used to feel the same way. I used to think there is no way I can give so much love to another baby but I can I had my son and my oldest daughter and my son are so close they don't fight but maybe once a week if that and now I have a daughter and I want one more. I think you should have one more because there is so much you can share with siblings that you can't share with a friend or cousin or mom or dad. Me and my sisters are so close and I am glad that I have them.
@bstao5 (33)
• United States
5 May 07
I think 3 is a well rounded number only because i have 3 i think it just depends on you and your situation and how you fell it should totally be your decision to have more kids or not to dont be pressured into it by anyone.
@nandans (1161)
• India
5 May 07
depends upon person to person and their thinking. Also depend on the financial position.. If you can afford easily in the education of 2-3 children and you both decide to have then go for it..
• United States
5 May 07
there is nothing wrong with that, as for me personally i have 2 little girls and they are extremely close to each other and i am so happy i have 2 kids, my youngest is 14 months old when she reaches about 4 years old i will start thinking about having another baby. so i think for me 3-4 kids is ideal but every person is different, every situation is different, what works for one family may not work for another family use your best judgement and it is a decision between you and your husband nobody else's decision :)