How do you handle arguments?

how do you handle arguments? - arguments
@heatspine (1141)
Philippines
May 4, 2007 9:11pm CST
How do you handle arguments? Are you the type who flares out and releases everything in words as form of expression? Or do plates come flying out whenever there are heated discussions? Or are you simply the one who gives the cold shoulder treatment?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@Dana5881 (609)
• United States
5 May 07
Here are some techniques for handling arguments, given by my therapist: 1. If something was told to you in confidence by your spouse or partner, then do not use it as a weapon in the heat of an argument. When couples do this, they are betraying the trust that their loved one has placed in them. This makes it harder and harder for your partner to feel emotionally safe within the relationship. 2. Remind yourself that you have the right to be upset and that it is ok to be angry. Do not feel guilty about having these emotions. Many people grow up to think that it is not healthy to express negative feelings. There is a school of thought out there that preaches to keep your anger inside, not to release it, not to express yourself. However, there are times when anger is indeed legitimate and those times must be recognized and addressed. Once you do this you will find yourself in a better position to show how you truly feel and find a way to change. 3. Make it clear to yourself that although you disagree on something, you are not enemies. Regardless of how much love is within a relationship, there will always be differences that trigger conflict. Fair arguing means that you will not attack each other physically or verbally, ever. There should be no name calling, no cursing, no screaming. Blaming is always off-limits, and above all, never threaten separation or divorce. 4. Do your best to acknowledge your partner’s emotions and perceptions about the problem. The same goes for yourself. Remember that there is no wrong or right way to feel, and there will be times in every relationship and marriage that you will just not agree on some items. It is inevitable. But you should always make it a goal to unravel what is upsetting your partner and show a genuine care for his or her emotions, as well as an awareness of their emotional experience.
1 person likes this
@heatspine (1141)
• Philippines
5 May 07
hi dana5881. thanks for the lengthy reply. the points you've mentioned is very valid. i like no. 3 which you state as both are disagreeing but not enemies. unfortunately, during the heat of the occasion, both parties flare up as if they are the worst enemies.
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
First of all I am not the type of person who argues. I discuss but I dont argue. To argue means you will try to win your side. I always make it a pont to respect what others have to say about something. Maybe they are right but we wont know if we will only focus on ourselves and on what we believe is right.
@KrisNY (7609)
• United States
22 May 07
Well I don't throw plates- If it gets to the point where I think I want to throw plates- I walk away- get my cool and go try to work things out- During arguements- I try to keep my cool- not yell and listen to the other person. Sometimes it works- sometimes it doesn't.
• Canada
9 May 07
Hi heatspine, I am the kind of person who always tries to calmly and rationally talk things out. If I start getting yelled at or start to yell myself then I will walk away so it doesn't escalate anymore. I hate fighting, especially with a loved one.
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
9 May 07
Depending on what I'm argueing about and who with, I tend to be very loud and release everything in words mostly. Its taken me a long time to be a lot more patient, and think before I speak, especially when dealing with my hubby. I have given the cold shoulder now and then, but it usually doesn't last very long! Making up is the fun bit LOL
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
7 May 07
I dont have too many arguments. Sometimes we get into a squabble but we usually back off and shut up. Then discuss it later and it is over.
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
5 May 07
If there's an arguments I would like to sit down and talk abut it because there is no sense breaking anything it sure would cost you more to buy the stuff if you break them LOL. Usually I like to sit down and talk about it or leave it alone.
• Canada
5 May 07
When I am angry everyone around knows this as I am a screecher when I am upset about something and anyone in my path is going to hear about it . I can calm down relatively fast if the person I am angry with doesn't provoke me by laughing or talking back when I am upset . Once I calm down I am fine but don't ever release all the anger I am feeling and can hide what I feel about someone . It doesn't take me long to get my emotions in check so if the person I am upset with is not around , they would never know I was upset with them to begin with . I tend to hold most of what I feel inside until it builds to a breaking point and then it all comes out .
• Philippines
5 May 07
Before, i was really a person who flares out and hurdles anything i grabbed on the floor. But now, with two children and a partner, im now tamer in handling heated arguments. I hurdle angry words but not to the extent of hurdling anything i grab. Sometimes, i just go out and take a walk and come home calmer. That way i spare myself from hurting the ones i love.
@Darkwing (21590)
5 May 07
I try to stay calm and talk things out that way because I don't see the point in getting overheated and losing your voice through shouting and carrying on. Also, I would never throw anything at a person I was angry with, and I would probably be the one to apologise or forgive, whosever fault the argument was. I only like constructive arguments, not destructive ones. Brightest Blessings.