Is it necessary to have a baby after being married?

China
May 5, 2007 7:08am CST
My bf and I are getting married this year. I like babies, but my bf doesn't want a baby. Frankly, I don't know whether i want a baby. My friend had a baby last year,but her inlaws look her baby, she still work outside. I feel she doesn't love her baby, but she must have one, because her inlaws and her husband think it is necessary for a married woman. I'm not a patient girl, and my bf often says that i am a baby. I admit that i'm not mature. You can tell from the question I asked. I think few women at my age don't know her choice about having a baby. Now I am very confused. Please give me your opinion.
11 people like this
38 responses
@mememama (3077)
• United States
5 May 07
It's not necessary, if you are having second thoughts about having a baby, go on birth control to prevent it. I think it's neat to spend some time alone as a married couple to have a solid foundation. Babies put a lot of stress on a marriage and you need a good relationship first before conceiving.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
5 May 07
Some people are too immature but once they have their baby, they really grow up. You have to prepare yourself, besides all over the world, girls are having kids in their teens and they suddenly grow up. Babies are a gift from God not a burden.
2 people like this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
6 May 07
I never said it was a burden!
@Calais (10905)
• Australia
6 May 07
No there is no law saying that you HAVE to have a baby. You just do what you and your partner want to do, its no one elses business. There is no point at all bringing a child into this world , and it would be wrong, especially from what you wrote. Dont worry about what anyone says, you's just live your life how you want to.
2 people like this
@sharon_ (1171)
• United States
8 May 07
Well said!!
@Calais (10905)
• Australia
8 May 07
Thank you. Thats what I believe in.
• United States
5 May 07
I'm 24, I got with my husband when I was 20, a little young according to everyone in my family, I didn't have my baby until I was 22. All I can really say is that only you can really decide when you are ready to be a mom, don't let inlaws pressure you, You should take the time after marriage to do things with your husband like traveling, and other things you might not be able to do once you have a baby. Not everyone has the convenience of family close by to babysit if you want to go somewhere. To be honest, I personally don't like being without my son, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Every moment that I spend with him is precious.
2 people like this
• China
6 May 07
You are a happy mom. Where are you from? I think you married too early(20).But I can feel you are happy from your words. I hope I were in your age.
2 people like this
• United States
6 May 07
I'm from Florida. Yeah I was a little young when I settled down, there have been times when I would love to hurt my husband, but I love him.
@PsychoDude (2018)
• Netherlands
5 May 07
There are quite a lot of women which don't get a baby till the age of around 40 these days, so time enough to think it over still as well I'd say. And I definitely don't think it's necessary to have a baby after getting married.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
5 May 07
That is, if when you are around 40 you are able to have a baby. By that time, it may be too late. So here you are waiting until you are mature enough because your husband thinks, at twenty or so, you are still a child. Then you reach 39 or 40, you try, and you go to the doctor and he says it is too late. You cannot adopt an infant because you and your husband's ages are past the ideal age. When you get married, you try to have a baby. If you did not find that special someone until you are in your late twenties to thirties, even though you tried, if you both are unable to make a baby, and if you are unable to adopt, then at least you tried, but waiting until it is too late is wrong. But marriage means kids.
• China
6 May 07
It is too old for me. When I am 50 my child is only 10, I feel i'm not his/her mom but grandmom.
2 people like this
@angela2006 (1846)
• China
5 May 07
to tell the truth,I think it is necessary to have a child after marriage.thus a family can be a real and completed family.and having a child will bring too much fun to the family.although I am like a baby sometimes,but when I am mature,I will have a child.
2 people like this
• China
6 May 07
Several years I feel very proud of being a mom, but now i'm confused. Once you want to do something, you have to think of a lot. I want to be a good mom, so i have to give him/her a good life and good education. And I must earn enough money.
2 people like this
@webbuff (926)
• Philippines
5 May 07
im sorry to hear that. maybe your bf just want to enjoy your time first as a newlyweds and im sure couple of months or a year you both can plan having a baby. Sit down with him and ask him what is not interesting having a baby. goodluck.
2 people like this
@evelynlyp (788)
• Japan
5 May 07
Being married doesn't mean that you have to have a child. There are some couples who never have children because they don't want any. I'm sure your friend loves her baby but she has to work to earn enough to make sure that the baby can have a better future. She could be working to save up for the child's education fees. My sister is like her. She works while my mom takes care of her daughther. She's the main breadwinner of the family. She's working to save up for her child's education. Have a child only when you feel you can't be a responsible mother. Don't ever do something just because everyone else is doing it. It may seem to be that you must have a baby but in reality you have a choice.
2 people like this
@dixits (104)
• India
5 May 07
I think it is their own wish to have baby or not. i think it is necessary to have baby after marriage because u can fulfill ur and urs wifes dreams and see ur baby after u get old and they will look after u when u get old
2 people like this
• United States
6 May 07
It should be your and your husbands' decision whether or not to have a baby. Maybe you should wait awhile after you are married and have time to get settled in with each other, then have the discussion again. I do not think that all married people should have to have babies, if they choose not to for whatever reason, that is their choice. If they do decide to have a baby, then again that is their choice, I don't think that they should let their friends and families pressure them into doing something they do not want. That is where a lot of children end up getting hurt, whether the marraige will not last through the strain of pressure. I think that you and your husband will know if and when the time is right for you. And, I am sure that your friend does love her child, I myself also had to go back to work when my son was a baby. I did not have a choice then because I was the bread winner of my family. It depends on peoples money choices whether the mother can stay at home or have to go back to work, but working mothers do not love their children any less than non-working mothers, or at least this is the way that I feel.
1 person likes this
@sharon_ (1171)
• United States
8 May 07
I totally agree. It isn't easy nowadays to make a living,especially when your just getting started. This young lady and her husband will know whenever the time is right to have a baby...
@kcrysea (196)
• Philippines
6 May 07
Well, for me if im in your position, i wont have a baby not until we're ready. I always tell my bf that if we get married we will have a baby after 3 or 4 years for i wanted to enjoy the 2 of us and earn. Bcoz if you have a baby already after getting married your attention will be divided, i dont know thats just my opinion. I have to make sure that we will have enough earnings before we fully establish a family...
1 person likes this
@Nardz13 (5059)
• New Zealand
6 May 07
Hello wonderful. Well I dont think its necessary to have a child after marriage, it depends on how both partners feel if they are ready for a child then, maybe they just want to be married and have no children, its really up to the couple...
@easyzheng (666)
• China
6 May 07
I know a couple who are my good friends having no child at all all their life. In the first ten years of their marriage, they heard a lot advice about having a baby but they didn't want to. We all felt sorry for them because we thought a family without a kid was not a complete one. But now, after we were exhausted from rasing up the kids, we go on worrying about their study, then their jobs, then their marriage....the childless couple has proved themselves a most happy family as they don't have to worry anything about kids and enjoyed their own life with each and happiness. What I want to say is: if you don't like have a baby, you don't have to, regardless of what other people might think of that.
1 person likes this
@anaweya (41)
• Philippines
6 May 07
Having a baby is never a necessity rather, it is a commitment and a responsibility that a person must make. Because once a person see it as a necessity and not as gift, then more probable than not the love for the baby is lessened.
1 person likes this
@fawcey (928)
• Australia
6 May 07
I have to say that it does seem to be a pressure that is put on a couple as soon as they are married, but it is not something you must or should do. The only ones that can make that choice or have any say are you and your soon to be husband. Having a baby is something you both have to be reay for and both want. It is not something to do if you are on rocky ground with your partner and expect that 'having a baby' will make you closer. It is not about that. It is when you love each other so much and you want to have a child to share in that love. I think if you don't or are not sure at the moment if you want a baby then my advice is don't. It is your choice. You will know the time if you want one, and if you don't then there is nothing wrong with that. I do not think you are immature for asking this either, I think it is a valid question as society seems to have a set way to be and we are made to feel if we do not follow this way then we are wrong or making the wrong choices, but that is not the case. If you and your husband to be are happy and decide not to have children then I see no reason why you should have to. Just remember that what you think and feel are important and it is your right to question and have a say in anything that has an impact on your life. I hope that this helps you and you make the choice that you feel comfertable about and that makes you and you bf happy. That is what matters the most, not what other people say is important or necessary. I wish you and your bf all the best.
• United States
6 May 07
I wanted a baby. I did, but I do not think that it is nessacary. Why? Why should have a child if you really don't want one? i would be more upset with someone for ahvinga childsimply for a tax credit and not becasu ethey really want one. ( I know a few people like that. If you want a kid fine, but if you don't want any that is fine too. Marriage does not equal baby.
1 person likes this
@vokey9472 (1489)
• United States
6 May 07
Having a baby is a HUGE responsibility and is something that should be very carefully considered and talked about. It changes everything. Your entire way of life will change. For my husband and myself, we didn't want a baby. We had talked about it before we even talked about getting married. Once we were married we did everything short of surgery to prevent a baby. We had to argue with our parents about it as they thought we should have child, but we had decided against it. Well, God had other plans for us and we ended up pregnant. We actually discussed abortion when we first found out. We decided to have the baby. That was 5 years ago. I adore my son, but it was hard and it changed our lives completely. If you are not sure, then use birth control. But it is something that you really should think about. If your bf and really does not want children and you think that maybe one day you might want children, you need to talk to your bf about what it may mean to the relationship if you did become pregnant. If you bf thinks that having a baby would end the relationship then you may want to reconsider getting married right now. You don't want to wake up one day and decide that you really want a baby and find that you are married to a man who would really leave you if had one. Having a baby is HUGE but it is so worth it. I can only tell you to think really long and hard about it before making a commitment like marriage to someone who has already decided that they do not want a child ever.
1 person likes this
@sunup13 (420)
• Canada
5 May 07
I don't think anyone has to have a baby if they don't feel it in their hearts. One doesn't necessarily follow the other. Some people get married and never have kids at all and that suits them just fine, others (like myself) do not ever want to be married and I have a daughter. It's all up to you and your fiance what you do. If you feel like you both are not ready, don't have a baby, enjoy your newlywed life!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 May 07
i think this just adds pressure to the marriage and might strain your relationship. There are a lot of things to consider. you need to be practical as well. can you afford it? who willl take care of the baby? Its easy to bear a child but a lot harder to be a good parent. Growing up in a third world country i see a lot of this situation. people hastily deciding to have a kid but cannot handle the responsibility of raising one. besides you said it yourself that your not sure as well.Dont rush.
1 person likes this
@ellijah (244)
• Nigeria
5 May 07
My dear it is very neccesary to have a baby after being married. children are one of the fruits of a successful marriage. Consider the shame u will face not having a baby of years of marriage. It is the children u give birth to that will look after you in time to come when you are aged. Even in the eyes of God the creator, it is his desire that we get married and give birth to children hence He commanded us to go forth and multiply. So it is really neccessary to have a baby after being married. Don't be confused.
• Philippines
5 May 07
it is not necesarrily to have a baby immediately after getting married.It depends on your situation.It also depends if you are prepared physicaly,mentally,financially.You have to consider a lot of things in having a baby.Because having a child is a really big responsibility.Think of your situation and that's the time you think what is the best time to have a child.