Child support imposed on single parents?

@xfahctor (14128)
Lancaster, New Hampshire
May 6, 2007 9:46am CST
Let me start this one by saying flat out 'm not apposed to child support in general. That being said, if someone is already a single father, and a second marrige that resulted in another child ends, shjould that father as well be made to pay support? I am a single father, I have 2 teen daughters, one of wich is still young and under my full time custody. My second marrige ended, my ex wife moving over a thousand miles away with my son. My first marrige ended with me retaining my daughters and I never once asked for a dime of support from here. Still wouldnt today. I have obligations here now to my daughters, I have children to take care of and yet my seond ex is persuing child support for my son. In a meeting with a state rep from the child support enforcement division in my syate looked me right in the eye and told me that me being a single parent is not even figured into the equation of child support. I didnt choose to be a single parent, my first ex left on her own, walked out on me and my daughters for what she thought would be a better life. My second wife Chose to leave with my son and be a single mother of her own choice. Your thoughts?
10 people like this
25 responses
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
6 May 07
xfahctor, I understand your view, but the support division is right, no matter how many children you have you have to support them. Though they don't take in affect that you are a single parent, they should use the child support worksheets, which does take in account your dependents that you have custody of. The sad part about it though, if you don't want to be screwed you need to go get your own lawyer, that does the worksheet for you. The support enforcement offices around the country will screw you any chance they get. In my opinion though, you need to go after your daughters mother for support, just like you have to support all your children, so does the mother. Even if you don't need it or want it. Get it anyways, put it in trust funds for your daughters. Good luck this isn't easy, I know from personal experience myself, though I have custody of all of my children. I don't get any support on two of the children. I have done fine, till recently, then my daughter got sick, now I could really use the money from that support now. It has been rough. You never know what is going to happen to your family and that being said, that is the main reason why you need to get a support order on your first wife.
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
6 May 07
I'm guessing I'm not going to be too popular here but I look at it this way your choice for divorce or not you were involved in the creation of this child and thus should be responsible for him. I'm sorry, I know this stinks and believe me, I know the struggles of raising children alone - when I divorced 15 years ago I had 4 ranging in age from 15 down to 6 months.
@sellj75 (208)
• United States
6 May 07
Regardless of how many children you have and where they live, you have an obligation to support them. It is not your children's fault for what happened between you and your former spouses. It takes both parents to make the children, and both parents are responsible for taking care of them, even if they are not living under your roof. I understand it would be hard, but you have to realize that your son is just as much your responsibility as your daughters that live with you.
3 people like this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
6 May 07
I never thought of it this way. I do believe that child support is a must. I think whoever has the child full time should get some kind of support from the other parent. Even in a situation like yours. I know it's hard, but it's life.
3 people like this
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
6 May 07
While I think that this is going to be a hardship on you it is a chance that you took with having another child. I believe that every man and women should help support the children that they bring in to this world. Whether the child lives with them or not. However the court should take in to account that you are rasing two children on your own when they set the child support amount that you will have to pay.
3 people like this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
6 May 07
I think if you are a parent, regardless of the situation, you should pay support if you don't have custody. Even though the mother left on her own, your child needs to eat and be taken care of. My friend had his wife go crazy and leave and he still pays even though he has another child from his first marriage. Eventually he's getting custody of the second child because the mother is crazy, I'm sure you know how courts like to take their sweet time with this!
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
6 May 07
I don't think you should have to pay her child support, i think she's just being selfish in this, trying to take from your daughter. I really do think the courts should take into play the child or children that you already have with you, it's just really sad that they don't. Out here, after 3 children, you don't have to pay child support to any others you have out in the world, i know this because a friend of mine is going through this with her husband, they are taking 70% of everything he makes right now for child support, but now that they are expecting another baby, they won't have to pay any more once it's born. I hope that there's something that you can do, but sometimes government is worthless... I wish you luck hun...
@xfahctor (14128)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
6 May 07
good to see SOMEONE on my side...lol....thanx hon :) i thank everyone else for their input anyways
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 07
Yeah you evil man.. how dare you not want to help pay child support for a child who already has far better living conditions than your own, that you won't get to see but maybe once every few years.. big bad evil creature. Sheesh. It's always the mans fault no matter what. You know what's really messed up about 'child support' is when the woman leaves the relationship of her own accord, abandons the kids on the father and then never HAS to pay child support legally because she doesn't have a job of her own and got remarried. Yes, if you bring a child into the world then you have to help take care of the child. However, when the mother takes that child a thousand miles away (effectively eliminating any REAL capacity to see his own freaking son because of his budgetting issues..) it is his fault for not being able to help as much. This kind of reasoning rather sickens me. There's principle.. a father must help pay for his kids... and then there is reality.. the son i'll never see is living better than my daughters financially and the mother STILL wants 20 percent of my gross monthly income. He'd certainly pay far more if they WERE living together.. yes. However, she chose to leave, take his son beyond his ability to even watch him grow up and then demand he help support him despite the fact he never gets to see him. Then on top of that fifty females want to jump down HIS throat for simply not having extra cash, in the extent she needs now that she is a thousand miles away.
1 person likes this
• Canada
29 May 07
i agree with you silver, all the way, if what your getting at is what i think it is. women should step up at the same time as the man, and if she has it in her to be such a &^%&^$^%#$^& to take the child and then run, hoping to drain every ounce of cash and happiness out of the man then she deserves to rot in hell.
@PsychoDude (2018)
• Netherlands
6 May 07
If she walks out on you by her own choice and wants to take the kid along I'd definitely agree on it being your own choice whether or not you would support the child. If you would bring it to court you might actually win, at least here the entire story of dads always having to come up for it is no longer true at all times.
2 people like this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
6 May 07
Like the above person said, regardless of the situation, you still have to pay child support. Doesn't matter if one parent walked out on their own or not. And the court wont be on his side with this one because they inforce child support to the T!
2 people like this
• United States
7 May 07
PsychoDude - how does this make him any less of the father? The law is the law and he's got to help pay for the food/clothes/education of his offspring! End of discussion.
2 people like this
• United States
7 May 07
Let understand the logic, u never asked for support, so bc u were too stupid, she should be stupid 2? Since she moved away w/ ur son, u are no longer the biological father and should not be financially responsible for this person u brough into the world. Give me a break! How dare u try to get out of supporting u son because boo hoo, I'm a single parent, whan whan whan! U disgust me.
2 people like this
• United States
7 May 07
At times, I think that the child support system is so unfair. If you want my honest opinion, I think she just took your son across the country to keep him away from you AND to keep you paying child support. I understand your frustration, but your son has every much a right to being supported as your two daughters. I think that if you are opposed to paying her support, fight for custody. He is just as much your son as he is your ex's.
2 people like this
@vanities (11401)
• Davao, Philippines
7 May 07
Its in the law i guess, that its always the father who will give child support to their children in times of situation like this, not the other way around..whatever reasons it maybe..
• United States
7 May 07
I know this may not be something you want hear but coming from a once single mom and I was a single mom for 5 years because my kids dad just didn't want to help me financially or wasn't there emotionally much less physically. No I have never even seen a dime from for child support I don't want none neither my husband now takes care of us and they call him dad, but I still think that just because she left by choice and no matter how far they are from you does not take from your financial responsibility. I would definalty try to find out what rights you may have or can pursue as far as her moving so far away from you. I know if some states if you are paying child support and seeing the child reguarly and the judge thinks you should be part of the child's life she may not be able to move that far away. So talk to the state rep that you are meeting with and find out what rights you do have.
2 people like this
• United States
7 May 07
I say that you should have to pay child support on your child if your child does not live with you. Unless, you sign over all rights to that child. The reason I say this is because, that is your child and your responsibility. It's not the child's fault that his mom left. So, why should he suffer? This is just my opinion.
2 people like this
@leeesa (885)
• United States
7 May 07
I think you are confusing "supporting your son" with "giving money to the ex" Your son deserves the support of both parents, regardless of who walked out or how far away they moved. Laws are changing to make child support fair to everyone. Some states are taking into consideration the income of both parents and basing payments on that. I would seek professional advice. Look for an attorney that supports the rights of fathers.
2 people like this
@Stiletto (4584)
6 May 07
My thoughts? Of course you should pay child support for your son! It doesn't matter what his mother has done he's still your son and half your responsibility. As for being a single parent and having other kids I just don't see why you think that should absolve you from paying child support for your other child. Yes you have obligations to your daughters but you have the same obligations to your son as well.
2 people like this
@KissThis (3006)
• United States
6 May 07
In this situation I feel for you. While I do believe that each parent should contribute to the expenses of rasing their child I also think that it should be based on what a parent can afford. She knew how rough it would be on you and your daughter. She should have been willing to take only what child support she needed to help take care of your son. I am a single parent raising three children on my own. I do not recieve any child support for my children. And in part that is my own fault because I never asked for child support. I knew my daughters biological father couldn't afford to pay child support so I never asked.
2 people like this
@34momma (13893)
• United States
7 May 07
i hear where you are coming from, but you still have to take care of your son. rather she chose to live on her own or not. he is still your child and you have to support him. because you chose not to take the mother of your daughters to court for support doesn't me that you are not entitled to it. you should have done so.
• Canada
6 May 07
Child support is for the children so i belive it should be paid. Obviously you wanted to have all the children you have or did for reason you felt were right at the time. I belive if you wanted the children you should be responsible for them. This is probally not what you wanted to hear but were i live support is doen First family first the second family second Basicallt support for first family will came first adn will be based on total earnings the second family second adn based on earnign after support for first family taken off. I iwsh you the best of luck with it.
1 person likes this
• Canada
7 May 07
I say you should be paying child support, but I think the courts should take into consideration that she took your child and moved far away. She shouldn't be allowed to do that, and should have to make sure you can see him. By paying air fare, or something. But you should still pay support. Just as your children's mother should pay support. Even if you don't want to use it you could save it for them to go to school with or something.
@xfahctor (14128)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
7 May 07
in addition to the child support. she is also convinced i should be paying the cost of visitation or at least half. in my financial situation, even half is impossible so I have been effectivly locked out of my son's life.
• Canada
7 May 07
That's wrong in so many ways. I believe she should be able to move where she wants, but she should make the provisions for you to see your son. Whether that means flying you out there, or flying him to you. Once you have a baby with someone you are tied to them. Like it or not, and you can't just up and move and take a child away from one of their parents!
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
28 May 07
Well, I have to say that I agree that you should have to pay support on your son. It doesn't matter that he isn't in your custody and it isn't his fault that your first wife left you with 2 girls. He is still your responsibility. If his mom left, she felt that she had reason too but that doesn't effect that he is yours and it isn't his fault that mom left and took him. Be a man and support all of your children!