For Better or Worse...
May 7, 2007 10:33am CST
...Until it gets so bad I can't stand it. This is the way many people go into marriage and live their married lives. If the going gets too tough they seem to think divorce fixes everything. I have to say I don't agree. I am divorced, and I remarried another man, so I am not speaking from any high horse here. I am far from perfect. I don't think a woman should stay with a man who is abusing her or vice versa (yes, it happens). I don't think a man should stay with a woman who cheats on him and vice versa. What I am saying is that too many couples get married thinking that if it doesn't work they will divorce, just that easily. I have seen many discussions on here where readers advise each other to leave their spouses because of disagreements. Sometimes I have threatened to leave my present husband because of the way he spoils his son to the point of detriment for all of us, or the way he takes it for granted that I will be his maid, his cook, his mistress. All in all, though, I am very pleased with hubby. He is as honest as any man you will find these days. He is gentle and loving and dynamite behind closed doors. Truth is, if I left him every time he ticked me off a bit, I would have been gone long ago. We sit down and try to talk things out. Sometimes it takes more than one sitting. We take time to care for each other, emotionally and physically. Above all, I believe I should TRY to solve our disagreements as husband and wife. My parents were married for over 30 years, till my Dad died. I was married to my first hubby for fifteen years because I kept trying. I have been married to my second hubby for only 4.5 years, but so far life is good overall. I want to keep going... I love him. I know he loves me. For Better or Worse... I will put up with our kids, our mothers, our financial problems, and I don't have any intention of quitting.
8 May 07
It's a good thing that you mentionned you were already divorced, because some people could've thought you didn't know what you were talking about, but you've experienced it. And like you said, when you're the only one trying for 15 years, you do leave at some point, it's only normal. Me and hubby too have little disagreements once in a while, mainly about him being so lazy around the house, but i wouldn't change him for anything in the world. He is my rock, my sunshine, the love of my life, and i pray to God we will always share this love and understanding between us. The key element here is communication. SOme people don't know how, and end up divorcing, or like you, are alone trying to save the relationship. Marriage is not what it used to be, it's sad. When i got married, some people asked me: Why are you getting married? You guys already live together? To which i answered, i love this man, he is the love of my life, and i don't just want to share an appartement and a bed with him, i want to share my life with him, build a family with him, and grow old with him. Of course you can do all that, without getting married, but i still think there's a difference between being someone's long time girlfriend and being someone's wife.
9 May 07
I agree with you about the difference between girlfriend and wife. My present husband was raised by solid Christian parents, too, yet he is all the time questioning what difference it makes in a relationship just because you stood in front of a minister and said a few words. Sometimes I think he is kidding and sometimes I think he is really lost over this.
• United States
7 May 07
I agree- I’m not married to my sig. other but I may as well be- We’ve lived together for 7+ years and we own a home together plus a lot of other things. I think to myself a lot when things don’t go the way I plan- I could just up and leave- But I don’t – we talk things out also. Leaving or divorce is an easy way out- Love and relationships take a lot of work but they are so worth it! I think people need to work harder and try to solve problems instead of just giving up- I agree cheating and abuse are easy answers- I’d get out also. But most other things can be fixed if the 2 parties are willing to fix it. My parents have been married for 36 years- It’s not perfect- It never has been—but it works and they both love each other dearly!
9 May 07
You are a rare breed. I would have stayed married to my ex if I had not been copiously counseled to get out because I had the same kind of upbringing by the same kind of parents as you. I was willing to stay and be hurt in the name of trying to work it out. Now I look back on our joint counseling and think how unresponsive he was... He had longsuffering loving parents as well, but apparently that is not a guarantee.
• United States
7 May 07
I totally agree. Too many people go into a marriage thinking if it doesn't work out I'll just get a divorce. I have seen too many friends go in thinking that way and they usually do. I have been with my husband for 4 years 3 of which we have been married. There are times that I just want to go away for things he does and I am sure he feels the same way about me but we have God in our marriage and we love each other so we want to make it work.