So sick of everything, but, especially the verbal abuse!!!!

Canada
May 8, 2007 7:49am CST
I am currently a stay @ home mom to my two very beauitful boys and I am currently pregnant with my third. My hubby is a recovering alcoholic and a verbal abuser.. This morning while I was attending to our youngest, and somewhat talking under my breathe that I was tired, he proceeded to yell at me, calling me a greedy little biotch and a whiner because I was just saying that I was a little tired, and I should not be because I am a stay at home mom and I do not do anything according to his standards. We live in an apartment, and I am sure that I am going to get a call this afternoon about our noise level..What the hell I am I to do? I am sick of waking up every morning in tears, and I am sick of going to bed in tears...
4 people like this
20 responses
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
8 May 07
Hi Saskmommy I feel so bad for you. It sounds like you are so unhappy. I think you should call someone in your family or one of your friends and get out of that house now. Because your happy and it doesnt sound like its going to get any better. See if someone can put you up for awhile. And the best of luck to you.
• United States
8 May 07
You are a beautiful person, you are doing God's work. He is just jealous that you stay home but bet ya any money he couldn't do the same if he was home. It is not an easy job. I will vouch for that. While I am home with the kids, I sure don't eat bon-bon's and watch soaps all day. I am sure you don't either. Ever need to talk, beetch, scream, cry or vent feel free to email me. Be Strong, Stay Strong, God picked you for your childrens mother for a good reason ----You are SPECIAL!!!! Don't forget that.
2 people like this
@xfahctor (14111)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
8 May 07
Get out of it now. This is the same as physical abuse and hurts the same. As far as the kids go is this what you want them growing up seeing? From the sounds of things he's not just a recovering verbal abuser, he is still doing it. And how long will it be before it escalates to physical abuse? the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. For your sake and the childrens sake, if he isn't interested in working on his issues, you need to leave now.
• United States
8 May 07
You need to get out of ther NOW! You can't let him treat you like that, it always starts with verbal abuse and then later it will turn physical. If you care enough about yourself and your kids, you will leave. Don't be afraid to go to a family or friend's home. Don't allow this man to beg you to come back, because he probably would. You need to be safe, as much as you love him, he needs to take care of himself and get well. You're strong, so prove it. Don't be afraid to get out of that type of situation.
2 people like this
• United States
9 May 07
You don't need us to tell you ,you need to leave .You already know you need to leave.Did You watch Oprah today ,because she had a show pretaining to you and other women going through this same situation. Pack your bag and your kids bags and go . Better yet leave that there and just get your kids and leave,and please stop having kids by him ,your only gonna continue the cycle.
1 person likes this
@BGBabe (78)
• United States
9 May 07
Wow, so sorry to hear this, I've been in your situation. Unfortunately, it took me 10 years to wisen up and finally leave him. Sometimes mental abuse is worse than physical abuse, I had both. It's definitely NOT a good situation to stay in, especially when you have children. That was always my excuse for staying with him, was that it was for the children's sake. WHICH in reality WAS just an excuse, because after I finally did leave him, I realized that the children would have been better off had I left when, or soon after the abuse started. It's hard to give advice to someone in a similiar situation not knowing all the details. But, know this, your children seeing their mother going through any kind of abuse IS NOT good for them. I can give you proof~~~my 18 year old son said to me at Christmas time when he came to visit~~"MaMa, I don't wanna be like Daddy". THIS BROKE MY HEART INTO PIECES. All I could think to say was, honey, you don't have to be, just make up your mind not to be. I now realize what I said to him, may have easier to say, than for him to do, being that he was subjected to so many years of seeing his mother abused. I hope this was of some help to you.
• Philippines
9 May 07
I have read about men like your husband. According to that article, the more you stay silent about the abuse and the longer you allow him to treat you the way he does, the more he will continue doing so. It is like bad habit. The more you ignore it, the more it will eat you up. It is not fair that you should continue to live with this kind of man --- for your sake and your children. You have to make sure you will not lose your self-respect and your dignity as a person. This kind of environment is not healthy for the children as well. Research shows that how children live when they are adults oftentimes reflect the kind of environment they were exposed to when they are children. It may either be the life that is opposite from what they have witnessed or the same kind of life their parents led. This may not apply to everyone but one example is like this...if a child has a dominant mother and a passive father, he is more likely to be attracted to dominant women and will soon have a dominant wife...another example...if a son lived with a father that abuses his mother, he may become like his father when he grows up or he will be totally different from his father with a hatred against abuse. Spare yourself and your children. It is difficult having to face this problem all by yourself but your children depends on you. Be strong and fight for your right to respect, love and a good life.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 May 07
I agree. Get out now. It will get worse. The only other option is if he'll agree to counseling. But honestly, most of the time that doesn't work. If you are concerned about the noise level...then it's already crossed the line. For your sake and your children...you need to get a better life for you! Good Luck
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 May 07
I agree with a the people here who say leave as i am against abuse of any kind and if you cannot leave lock him out abuse in any form is wrong and in some of the provinces there are programs to help wiht it couselling for both, and finacual aid.
1 person likes this
• India
8 May 07
well.... youve gotta just stop caring...... thats i think the only way.... we all know you can never make a drunk man understand things.... its only when he is not drunk.... that you can tell him what all he was doing..... and taking things at heart like this wont help..... you just have make sure that you ignore his remarks..... that would be my advise
1 person likes this
• United States
8 May 07
I wish I had an answer for you. Normally I'd say "grab your kids and hit the door." ...but that's a little hard to do since not many employers are willing to hire the pregnant. I wish you well, hon. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@prestocaro (1254)
• United States
8 May 07
For the sake of your kids, realize that witnessing this kind of abuse will most likely show them that it is 1. OK to verbally abuse women or 2. OK to be verbally abused in general I'm sure you don't want that for them. So try to place their needs in the forefront (as I'm sure you do, as any mother would) and weigh your options. There are a few things you can do to help yourself. 1. Call the National Domestic Violence hotline at: 1-800-799-7233 for a referral to a mental health professional. You need to get some counseling and resources. You need to get some counseling to help you learn how to cope, be more assertive and build your self-esteem. It sounds as though your hubby has tried everything he can to tear down your self esteem. 2.Go to your family doctor or a psychiatrist for an evaluation about your depression and whether you need an antidepressant. You are under a very intense amount of stress! You say you wake and sleep crying! You poor dear. Realize that there may be a biological or psychological basis for this. Also, you say your are tired and sad... Those are two big clues that something is wrong. 3. Take care of yourself and your boys. Remember that your past and present do not make your future! Change is possible if you put your mind and actions towards a change. Maybe take a break, visit family or friends if you can, to clear your head. You will see that away from your husbands insults and cruelties, even for a few days, you feel lighter and better. It sounds as though he tries very hard to make you feel bad, and that is terrible.
• United States
8 May 07
you need to find yourself someone who appreciates what you do, i'm also a stay at home mom taking care of two little ones and one thing i made sure i got straight with my husband when we decided that i will stay at home is to make sure he understand we are equal in the work we do...and you know how i made him realize this...while i was working i made him be a stay at home dad for a couple of months and believe me he is very appreciative in what i do, as for you and your situation just pack your stuff and leave, don't have your children around that if your husband really cares for you and the kids after you leave he will come to realization and change his ways to get his family back and if he doesn't then you already know he doesn't care, especially if he has the nerves to say this in front of your kids because that will give your children the same mind frame that your only important if your bringing money into the home and then your kids can just as well start disrespecting you and thats the last thing you need
1 person likes this
@mari123 (1862)
• China
8 May 07
your hubby is a verbal abuser that don,t understand your hard to attend your children,and you are pregnant ,should more rest,not do anything.do you have a good appetite to eat,i hope you can recover from tears,happy everyday.
1 person likes this
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
8 May 07
You know if you felt that way in highschool what happend?How did you change to someone who allowes this? you need to get out ,dont use the excuse I stay for the kids ,you need to get out for the kids!I agree with the saying an abuser never changes. Its not worth your life,someday he may snap and than its too late do somethig now.
1 person likes this
@thai11 (239)
• United States
8 May 07
Wow..you are a good one and it sucks that your husband doesn't appreciate you. Have you considered working outside the home and putting the kids in daycare? I am not married nor do I have kids so I can't imagine how difficult it would be to leave if you wanted to. No one deserves to be treated like that!!! You do a lot and your kids may not know how lucky they are to have a parent spend a lot of time with them!! I was always in daycare when I was growing up so I was never close with my parents, they never got to know who I really am! As a woman, I know we are strong, don't ever give up the faith in yourself. People only take from us what we allow them to:) You're awesome!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 May 07
You know, perhaps it is time to give him an ultimatum. Either he straightens his act and starts treating you better, or you take your children and leave. i knwo it will be hard, but i am sure there is someone you can go stay with until you ge on your feet...your mother, a sister, a friend? Just someone to help get you out of that situation.
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
16 May 07
This is very painful! You are trapped in this relationship with an abuser. However I believe we are here by Design and not Chance. Nothing ever happens by Chance. Only you can know why you chose this Life! Do you still Love this Man? Try to remain Positive about your life. I'm so happy you Love and Enjoy your "Beautiful Boys!" they are the Light in your Life. Do you have a close friend and confidant? Its helpful to have someone with whom to share your life! You can be thankful your husband is free from his addiction. And happier again that he doesn't beat you up! Hold you head up High and Forge Ahead! Be strong and you will Overcome your problems. Life is what you make It! God Bless You and Yours!
• India
9 May 07
HI Dear, One should not be so domaniting as ur hubby is. The best way is - explain him all ur pains, all the work that u do at home, its not a simple job to keep the home neat and tidy, explain him all the things when he is not drunk, and also explain him his future if he continues drinking much (drinking can lead one to deatch or a dangerous desease). And atall if he's not conveinced, i'll sugget you to break off with him. Hope you dont mind my suggestion. HAve a nice time ahead, and i'll pray god for your bright and peacefull future lif. Bye take care
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
8 May 07
one thing i learned is the wrong thing to do is sit here and try and tell you what to do or how to do it, but i hope you get that my heart is really in the right place hun... Whatever you decide to do, just know that you and your kids have a place wherever you wish it to be, you could even stay here. Your strong, but sometimes, you have to see that strength isn't in where you are, the strength is in finding somewhere else to be. If you want to keep working on it with him, maybe family therapy is in order, but if you don't, then you have options. Don't worry about him, really hun, anyone can find a way to survive. He can go anywhere, there's lots of people that would be willing to help him, but you and those kids don't deserve this abuse. The main thing that worries me is that the kids will see this long enough and then start treating you the same way he is. They'll start to think it's right, that there's nothing wrong with it, and that's the way families are normally run, i'm also a little worried about your pregnancy, this kind of stress is not good for you or that baby.... I know i haven't been around that much, but if you want to talk, just get me on yahoo, that's usually up and running because of the station, and if i'm on msn and you wanna talk nudge me, i'll be here in a second. You can talk to me any time you want, and i know there's tonnes of other friends that would be there for you in a heart beat, don't worry hun, it all works out, you just have to make your choice.