Is this any way to bury someone?

@soccermom (3200)
United States
May 8, 2007 9:45am CST
My Great Great Great Aunbt Ruth died last Friday at the age of 90. She was the oldest living member on my dads side of the family, and was one sharp cookie up until a week before she passed. Here is the problem, she didn't have a ot of money, just about $4000 stashed under her mattress, and that was it, so it was left up to my grandfather to pay the burial expenses. He is not hurting for money, but is a notorious cheapskate. Today is her funeral. He had her cremated and the service is being held in the maintenence shed at the cemetary. That's it. No service at the funeral home, no graveside service, no luncheon afterward, nothing. The only flowers there will be the ones a few family members purchased because he didn't find those necessary either. I am a little upset by the fact that he is burying her like she was a pauper, or some homeless person with no family. SHould I be upset at him? Or just take it for what it is? There is family coming from 1000 miles away for this, and personally I think it is disrespectful to my Aunt Ruth to bury her this way.
12 people like this
15 responses
@Darkwing (21590)
8 May 07
For Your Aunt Ruth - A single red rose, on a tomb.
I wouldn't mention anything. Just take it as one of the lessons of life. It does seem a bit disrespectful to your Aunt Ruth, but there may be some long-standing, underlying reason why your Grandfather skimped on the ceremony? I know that on occasions like burials, past grievances should be forgotten, but that's really between them. It's up to you to make the most of showing your respect to your Aunt Ruth in the best way that you can, despite the surroundings and your Grandad's apparent miserliness. You know, quite often, people who make it to the richer part of this world, are often that way. That's how they keep and make their money, and when it comes down to it, your Grandad still has some life to live this time around, whilst your Aunt has gone to a better place where money is no longer a necessity, so grin and bear it... give her your best in the circumstances and wonder what the fates will have in store for your Grandad, when his time comes to require a respectful burial. This World always finds a balance my friend, and I'm sure you will have the last laugh! My commiserations and brightest blessings to you. x
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
9 May 07
My grandfather and her were very close, he's just cheap. My Uncle Ron had a fit when he saw what was happening and last minute ( I mean people in the maintanence shed last minute) she was moved out to her parents gravesite where she wanted to be buried. It was still rather depressing to see someone so vibrant be put to rest like that.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21590)
9 May 07
Yes, it's very sad, but your Aunt Ruth will understand and forgive him his meanness. Brightest Blessings my friend.
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
8 May 07
I would be a little upset too, knowing that someone who has the money doesn't want to give her the memorial she so deserves. It is sad that that happens within the family. But honestly being upset with him isn't going to make things better or help your Aunt Ruth rest any easier. Just do your best to celebrate her life and enjoy the company of the other family members. I don't know what else to say other than I am sorry for your loss and I wish your grandfather wasn't such a cheapster! It's hard enough to mourn the loss of a loved one, without having to mourn it at a maintenance shed.
3 people like this
@emeraldisle (13158)
• United States
9 May 07
I'm sorry you lost your Great Aunt. I know how hard that can be. As to your Grandfather I doubt he'll change. Saying anything to him won't change how it happened. I think he was wrong as well. The least he should have done was have something afterwards for the family. I can maybe understand not having the service but over all it sounds like he really only cared about himself. This is the time for family to get together, to share their grief and to say goodbye. Your Great Aunt has already gone so it isn't really for her but for all of you. You need that time together. He cheated you all out of that. Perhaps it's beacuse he is a cheapskate or perhaps he had some grudge against her, who knows, but he was wrong to let it go this far. Feel free to be upset with him even tell him how you feel but I doubt he'll understand. Since from what I'm reading here I take it this all ready happened but perhaps you can have a small get together at your house for everyone? A chance to share your memories about her and maybe make up for what he did.
@worldwise1 (14890)
• United States
9 May 07
That is a great idea! Memorial services are being done mor and more these days. A lot of things come into play, such as, who had her power of attorney, did she make her wishes known? It is only reasonable to make sure that family members know of your wishes. I have already told my children what I desire. And I am sorry for your loss. I just lost my sister and mother a few months apart. I know how hard it can be.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 May 07
What happened to the $4,000.00 that is way more than enough to give her a decent respectable cremation ceremony. How could any reputable cemetary allow a "maintenance shed" be allowed to be used for such an event. How shameful!
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
9 May 07
I wanna know what happened to the money too! I'm not saying my grandpa did anything he shouldn't have, but I am curious. I'm sure my mom will find out.
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
8 May 07
that's really friggen sad, i would have a lot to say about it, hell money is money, it's not like your taking it to the grave with you, so when it comes to something like this, spend it properly, geesh! I don't care if this guy wanted to pay for it, or had to pay for it, the thing is, he is paying for it, and the least he could do is show her the respect she deserves and give her a nice decent burial. That just upsets me to no end. Me personally, i want to be cremated, i don't want a service or anything, if they want to have a luncheon or party or god only knows, that's up to everyone, but that's me. I just can't believe that he'd be so cold hearetd as to have that kind of service for her, it's really saddening...
• Canada
8 May 07
oh hun, my mind's not with me today, i'm so sorry for your loss... Sometimes these things can be hard... i hope you can stay strong.
1 person likes this
@citygirl (1083)
• Canada
9 May 07
I agree with you one hundred percent. If he didn't want to give her a proper burial then he should have stayed out of it and let the city bury her, they would have done a better job that is for sure. I have seen people who were penniless on welfare get a better burial than that ,by the city or government. Is he keeping the 4000 dollars? because it sure doesn't cost that much to cremate a person. Shame on him.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
9 May 07
I am sad to know about this. I think you should not be upset at him because the deceased is a Great Great Great Aunt which means she has live for 3 generations so she may have other childrens who discuss eith your grandfather to keep it simple. It is much better than another country's burial method which I heard from my father. He told me that if the government heard about his citizens going to die, they will send people to the house and carry the person who is on his last breath away. In addition, the family members of the deceased do not know where it is buried and the body is taken to which location. There is no chance for them to pray and perform rituals ceremony. After the incident, no news are heard from anybody. This happens in the ancient times.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 May 07
It seems like many of the "older" generation don't want a lot of fuss when they die. If she had a will or had bought a burial plot, then her wishes would have been carried out, I suppose. Perhaps they had discussed this and she told him to do it this way? This sad situation is a reminder to us all-- do we know what our parents wishes are? I for one do not, and unfortunately it's a morbid thing to ask them about!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
8 May 07
You have every right to be upset there is no doubt about that It is awful that this is all she is getting I mean what a way to let her go that is terrible it really is
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
17 May 07
should of had a veiwing before the cremation I did . then my son took some of the ashes back to Tenn to be buried between his mom and dad and it was all less than $3,000 . I have rest of ashes ina beautiful cherry wood box that will be my URN to. DId he get her an URN?
@maainim (70)
• Israel
9 May 07
I totally agree with your point
@okn0tok (569)
• United States
9 May 07
YOU could always arrange to host an after service party in your home for her. Have everyone bring something and then they can enjoy her memory in a better atmosphere than a shed. Sorry for your loss.
@Gumball (793)
• United States
9 May 07
Having her cremated wasn't so bad (both my parents were - caskets are ridiculously high priced, some cost more than a car) but to have the service in the maintenance shed is unbelievably insensitive of him. Is there an actual grave or is there a niche for the urn to be placed in? If there's a niche, maybe the service could be switched to there. Just as cheap (from his viewpoint) but at least a little more dignified for the rest of the mourners.
@Mamaof2 (574)
• Canada
9 May 07
Altho it is disrespectful...I would jus bite my tounge. Chances are you are not going to be the only one feeling this way. We had something similar happen with my husbands Uncle who recently passed. All the brothers and sisters were worried about saving money and such. To me, it is not the money aspect of it...it is honouring and respecting the life of a loved one. Butto be truthfully honest, I think it may just be one of those things we have to suck up (so to speak) altho we dont necessarily agree...unfortunatley!
• United States
8 May 07
Yea I would use this as a lesson for the future. Give her flowers every holiday and on her birthday. tell her things, and just let her know that she is loved.