how do you know when it's time to forgive?

Philippines
May 11, 2007 12:27am CST
in my case, my bf leaves me when i'm still pregnant with our baby..it was hard for me to move on because the pain that i can feel really kills me..that i cried everynight, that i'm thinking of bad things to end up my life..fortunately, my family was there for me to support and give care..and after almost 3yrs of suffering, i already moved on and i can say that it's the time that i already forgive that guy..i have my own life with my child and i'm happy with my new boyfriend.. so guys, do share to me your experience of forgiving a person..thanks in advance..:)
18 people like this
52 responses
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
11 May 07
I do not know when it is time to forgive because it is dependent on individual. I only know the time you have forgiven is when you no longer feel pain when you think of him or see him. I admire you to have the guts to bring up his child as it would be a constant reminder of what the father has done to you. Indeed you are lucky to have full support from your family and your new bf. I wish you well.
• Philippines
15 May 07
thnks for that..God Bless
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
11 May 07
Hi Cherrie, Well I do think that it is always wise to learn to forgive someone as my ex husband left and went back to his country and left me to bring up 3 of my children, I have learnt to forgive him as he is the one that lost out on the life of his children and they do respect him but not love him like they love me so that makes it easier for me to forgive him and I have since married and have other children to my present husband and have been married for 26 years now.
2 people like this
• Philippines
15 May 07
that's life kathy...have a peaceful life..thnaks:)
@derek_a (10902)
11 May 07
Forgiveness is not something that can be forced, but it is more like a state of mind that comes about when you have closure on an incident. It is almost impossible to explain, but we know when we have forgiven. We know when it makes no difference any more. As a therapist, I explain to my clients that they need to just focus on the desire to forgive and then let it come. Focus on the person that has wronged you and allow your feelings to come to the surface. The ask yourself "am I willing to forgive?" You will know when the answer is yes, and you will have closure, move on with your life and heal. It doesn't mean that you would want to be best of friends with your bf, but having forgiven him, you can move on. Be patient with yourself. And forgive yourself too, if you find you blame yourself, as this can often be the case.. My thoughts go out to you.. :-)
• Philippines
15 May 07
yes, forgiveness can be forced..it is only time will heal..thanks:)
1 person likes this
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
11 May 07
For me forgiving is grace and is the start of healing. I actually prayed that I can forgive because it is not easy and one day I just woke up and realize that everything is okey and that I no longer have anger in my heart. Forgiving doesnt mean forgetting. But it means letting go what holds you in the past and the willingness to move on. I sets its own time and one can never actually force it.
2 people like this
• Philippines
15 May 07
i do agree..forgiving really makes our mind peaceful..thanks:)
1 person likes this
@miryam (6510)
• Italy
11 May 07
When I devorded, I'm know that I forgive 10 yesrs of my live....no good I0m lost more time
2 people like this
• Philippines
15 May 07
thanks:)
1 person likes this
• Singapore
11 May 07
You are very magnanimous. If I was a lady and in your shoes, I do not think I can ever forgive such a spineless guy. I will accept my condition and fate, as you have so successfully done but I do not think I can forgive him.
2 people like this
• Philippines
13 May 07
it's better to forgive to have peace of mind..thanks:)
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
11 May 07
Only you will know when its time cherriemae, everyone is different. Some may take longer than others and some may get over it the instant he is out of their lives. Everyone reacts differently and I'm happy to hear that you have finally gotten over him, and now enjoying your life with your newborn and new boyfriend.
2 people like this
• Philippines
13 May 07
yes, i already moved on..thanks..:)
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6769)
• Defiance, Ohio
15 May 07
I am glad you were finally able to forgive your boyfriend and are happy now. I tend to forgive anyone who has done me wrong. I have no other choice. If I don't I become a bitter person inside. I have forgiven my stepmother for all the years of abuse I had to endure by her. I know it couldn't of been easy raising three girls that were not your own.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
18 May 07
I can never forgive x for stealing my boys and putting them up for adoption!!!! Took me and dauhter 27 years to find them again but we did. But I cant forgive I just dont think about him if I can help it
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 May 07
that's how sad girl..well, time can heal all the pain and i hope that one day you will be able to forgive him..thanks..
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
19 May 07
been over 45 years ago dont think it will happen thats one thing I dont think any mom can forgive
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
8 Jun 07
I had a boyfriend who walked out on me when I was pregnant with his child too and it does hurt. However, after a while,I realized that I was much better off without him and that I got the best part of the relationship as I had a wonderful child out of it and he had really nothing. I was only able to forgive him a few years ago,but I have moved on and I am happily married to a wonderful man now who has since adopted that child and they get along great. Just decide that you are best to move on and that forgiving him will help you not be as stressed about things.
• Philippines
21 Jun 07
wow..that's great that the man really love you and your child..things may change when the right time will come..and forgiving a person is a big plus to make you happy and have a peace of mind...thanks for the wonderful experience you shared carol..have a great day..
@kharen (1488)
• Philippines
8 Jun 07
that's a rally dumbing and bad experience.. that was very brave of you and intelligent to have trusted your family when that damn man left you.. we can't really tell how bad a person can be.. and i've realized that you musn't trust anyone more than your family and also most of all God himself..it was just recently when i've realized that people can be so evil even if they don't look like they can be very evil... well, it's really up to you if you'd forgive him.. good luck in raising your child and in your new relationship..hope it would last and that you wouldn't hurt anymore like how you were before..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
with that experience friend, i can say that i become more tough to face another problems in my life..that's life more surprises to come and we didn't know the future..thanks for the response friend and have great day...
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
I don't think there is a timeline or time frame in forgiveness. God never give us time when we do ask for forgivenes, with sincere heart of course..so I think It is what we should do too. But as humans, as most of you will say it is hard for us to forgive specially if we're still hurting..I believe forgiving will start the process of healing, so forgive right away and be healed soon.
• Philippines
8 Jun 07
yes, i agree with you..it's only our mind who tell not to forgive but in the end we still forgive the person..thanks friend..
@Lydia1901 (16354)
• United States
15 May 07
I am sorry about what you went through. I really know what you went through because that happened to me 3 months ago. My husband left me for this woman without talking to her first about how she felt about him. After the girl finds out what he was doing just for her, she told him how she felt. She said her feelings were platonic and isn't in love with him at all just like he imagined. He put me through hell and I even left him. I moved on with my life and never were going to forgive him for what he did to me. The pain was too much for me to endure but after a week without me, he called and asked to get together to talk about us. I still love him and I drove for 10 hours just to be with him. Things are great between us now and I am not sure if he'll ever do it again. But, if he does I know what to do because it was really easy for me after a week to move on. I cried every single day that we were apart and I think that helped me get all that hatred that I had for him out of my system and I moved on quickly. So, I am so glad that things worked out for you in the end without that guy who left you. You are a strong woman and can overcome anything. Stay strong always.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 May 07
that's great girl..sometimes, we can feel pain and hate our love one..but little by little we can forgive them because we love them..thanks for sharing..
• United States
12 May 07
I know that forgiveness can be hard - but it is also healing. We can't read in to the minds of others and hence, we cannot understand their actions. It is easy to say to ourselves, "if it was me, I would do it this way..." but other people are not us - and each of us marches to the beat of a different drummer. I am glad to hear you find the opportunity to forgive. I can say honestly that I forgive and forget as soon as possible, because I find that my anger hurts me more than it hurts anyone else - so I don't like to keep it.
• Philippines
9 Jun 07
that's great decision my friend..you have a good heart..thanks for the response..
@Gwapako_28 (2142)
• Philippines
12 May 07
How i wish i can be like you too.My husband abandoned us for almost 4 years now with my 2 kdis.Now,im a single parent of 2.Its hard but i need to move on and be strong no matter what for my kids. Like you, my family was there to support,love & care for me unconditionally.I also almost end my life because of the suffering and the pain i have in my heart. No matter how i tried to forgive all the pain he caused me,but still i have resentment.Though,its too long ago and and ive tried so hard to convince myself to forgive him but i really cant. Maybe only time can tell when can i forgive him for eevrything.
• Philippines
9 Jun 07
it's your own choice girl, sometimes, it's really hard to forgive, it will take time..good luck and have a nice day..
@cheenlly (3483)
• Philippines
12 May 07
yeah i know your suffering girl and you know mine too. As for others to know it took me almost a year to overcome it. At first 6 monts it was really the difficult time like i cant say im so much lifeless. Time pass by as i help myself and people around me, i learn to forget it little by little and just recently this year i finally let it go and forgive the person that hurt me deeply as in totally forgiveness. Of course we cant say that we forget what the person did but you will know when is the time when you no longer feel the pain in your heart and that you already accept what happen and when you already gain back yourself from that lifeless situation and you already have that smile back in your face and you have bring back the life that you used to. Its really a great feeling when you let go of the pain.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jun 07
well said girl..thanks for the response..mwahhh
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
12 May 07
To forgive for me means not to feel the previous aggression and negative feelings to the person who has hurted me.And when i hear his name, this is not a painfull name for me.Yes, i still know that this person is not a good for me and etc, but i dont want to revenge.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jun 07
i do agree with you..the feeling was already gone but still i know what happened before..still in my mind..and same here, i dont want to revenge..thanks..
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
12 May 07
I am not sure what constitutes forgiveness in the eyes of most people. Whatever it is, I do not practice what most people call forgiveness. I will, however, accept restitution. Once that has taken place the matter is no longer at issue. I feel this is a more constructive way of dealing with those events that cause us distress. In your case, it is restitution through his acceptance of his responsibilities toward you, as the mother of his child, and the child that would move this from its present state to one of "grace" and then he would earn some form of forgiveness. I usually suggest that women think very carefully before they forgive this sort of act. To "forgive" will leave you disarmed when it comes to providing for the child, and might lead you to remain in a passive stance the next time you need to truly defend yourself against those who would take advantage of your good nature, or bear some expectations that, as a female, you have fewer rights than they do.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
thanks for the wonderful thoughts friend..have a nice day..
• United States
12 May 07
Forgiving my ex came as a hard thing for me too, in the relationship i was in before.(1989-2005). I am now married and also 6 1/2 months pregnant. I prayed and prayed,read my bible continuously...to get past all those terrible thoughts that made me ache so harshly. the ex told me he had moved on...well i felt so left behind,i couldn't and didn't know how to just move on. I only learned how to move on thru the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.Now i live everyday to glorify Jesus Christ for all he has blessed me with of new life and a life of peace without that old aching heart that hurt so terribly.Isaiah 61:1 to 3 .... He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted... Yes Lord,Yes Lord, Yes Lord!!!Thank You Lord Jesus for your favor!!! Bless those who read and find forgiveness thru you. Etenally belonging to Jesus Christ,Latisha
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
that's good that your relationship with God really bind..all the time we need Him for asking guidance for all of our decisions in life..God Bless you Latisha and thanks for the response..
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
11 May 07
Sand & Stone Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: "Today my best friend slapped me in the face". They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "Today my best friend saved my life". The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now you write on stone, why?" The friend replied, "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away, but when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, where no wind can ever erase it." Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them Hi I know it is so heard to forgive and forget, but as you get a bit older it will become easier as we are able to keep the lesson and lose the pain. I am so happy hou have come through the other side it took a while and you did it and thats what it is all about. I am not sure if I can do this but I posted this saying on a discussion but thought it was very appropiate for you.
• Philippines
4 Jun 07
it's so nice RobinJ..i'm happy for your effort to write that..thanks..have a nice day..
1 person likes this