Tearing others down

@dlkuku (1936)
United States
May 11, 2007 5:54am CST
Why do some people feel a need to tear others down? Yesterday at work, I had a bad day, and couldn't wait to get home just to have a good cry. I try not to let things bother me, but some days it's just hard to let things roll off your back. I have this boss who seems to want to just demean me and make me feel stupid every time I turn around. She says things in such a way that if I complain about it to someone else, they would not understand what I am talking about. For instance, I am trying really hard to learn this job, I've been there for just over a month, and have learned a lot. But most of my hours have been on the closing shift, and I only had two days training on the opening shift. This week, they put me on, by myself to do the opening with only two days training, which I feel was definately not enough time to learn everything. Yesterday, I went in for 5:30 am, and it was my job to remove outdated stock from the floor and restock. The manager came in a few hours later, and I was doing just fine till then. We have to make a list of what is needed on the floor, then go into the freezer to pull whatever we need. She made the list and I then took it and started pulling the products, when I was done, she said, 'Well, I better go and check to see if you got everything.' I was in the middle of doing something else, and a few minutes later I went into the freezer and she had a cart of about 20 cases of things she said I missed and she scolded me. I didn't say a word, just took the stuff out of the freezer and started ticketing it, but the thing is, as I went through the stuff and marked it off the list, there were only TWO items on the list, the rest wasn't on there. If we needed it, it should have been on there, then when I went to stock it, there was no room for a lot of the stuff that she had pulled. She does stuff like this all the time to me, and it's subtle but makes me feel demeaned and belittled. I don't know if she feels threatened by me, since I have years of management experience, or if she feels insecure around me or what, but I am getting sick of it. My husband told me to just quit if it's that bad, but it would really hurt us financially if I do. I don't make a huge amount of money but it helps. I just don't understand why people feel a need to do this kind of stuff, it isn't encouraging me to do a good job or even try. I was a boss for many years and always tried to be helpful and encouraging to my employees, and many of them looked up to me and would even come to me with their personal problems. I can't see myself ever discussing anything personal with this woman.
2 people like this
11 responses
@peaceful (3286)
• United States
11 May 07
With an evil old bat like that in your life, it's a very good thing that you know a lot of good people who won't tear you down, but are bent on building you up! :) The way I see it, she' living a life filled with resentment and fear, and that's what she has to live with every day, and compared to what you have to live with, ie: your sweetness and generosity, a family that loves you, excellent writing talent and perhaps a couple of award-winning novels built-in, I'd say that she will always come up short in the "I love my life department"! You have a lot more to offer, and you are well on your way to a level in Life that will allow you to offer what you've got to an appreciative world... Don't let this hide-bound hag stand in your way, save your tears for your Pulitzer Prize acceptance speech! :) http://www.dlkuku.youaremighty.com
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
11 May 07
Peaceful, thank you for that, that was great!
1 person likes this
@peaceful (3286)
• United States
11 May 07
My pleasure and you deserve it! Did you ever find out where the good places to go walking are down there in Mt. Airy?
2 people like this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
11 May 07
No, I haven't really had the time, although it's a nice town to walk through. I really miss walking in the woods though.
1 person likes this
@mlgb_24 (638)
11 May 07
that's really awful! everywhere you go, there would be somebody at work that is not really worth your time and respect. probably she's insecured or for whatever reasons she may have, she shouldn't be rude at all. if it is really getting that bad, just find some other jobs. if you're working with your boss everyday, that would be a total stress to you and you would always go home fed up - do you think it's worth it? it's hard to avoid that person because by the way you described, the boss is a fault-finder and will really pull you down. not worth it my dear.
2 people like this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
11 May 07
The days she's not there, or she is off somewhere else, I don't mind the job or the other people I work with, so not every day is stressful. I put applications in all over the place before I got this job, I don't know where else to apply. I am hoping to move out of that department, which would be a shame, because I really like the job itself, and my co-workers, she is the only thing that makes it bad.
1 person likes this
@peaceful (3286)
• United States
11 May 07
My business is to get people jobs, so try this: http://www.tinyurl.com/profk and maybe you'll get lucky, anyway it's free and you'll see local jobs listings coming into your email, so no more running around. Let the work come to you... Many Blessings! :)
1 person likes this
@diillu (5130)
11 May 07
For some people it's just their need to make someone bad..so that they can feel superior and they can feel that they are perfect... I think she is too threstened by your management experience so she is just telling you and showing your mistaked around so that she can feel herself better than you. If you quit than as you told you can have a financial problem and your manager would be very very happy. So, I know it will take you alot of courage and loads more of patience but I wold suggest not to leave your work. Now you are just in a training period..work hard..and wait for a nice time. Obviosly your time would also come..every coin has two face..don't worry and don't loose hope and most of all don't let her win.
2 people like this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
11 May 07
Yes, I agree, I am trying to get into another department, but I have to wait for an opening.
1 person likes this
@diillu (5130)
11 May 07
Ohk..best of luck dear..wish you cold get there as fast as possible..
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
11 May 07
I tend to agree with your husband as well. If it is this bad every day and u feel as if there is noone else u can talk to about the situation then u should quit. Sure, you will have a financial problem for a few weeks but I am sur ethat u will find something else. If u are not happy with life then it is just not worth it. I would first try to speak with some other manager arounsd or co-wrkers to see if she is the same with all people or if it is personal against u, and then move on from there
2 people like this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
11 May 07
If it gets really bad, I will see what my options are. As far as finding another job, jobs are really scarce around here, it took me months to find this one. I am leary about talking to my co-workers, because I don't know them all that well and don't really know who to trust. I have found in past experiences, in some cases it's just better to keep your mouth shut.
1 person likes this
@sukumar794 (5047)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
11 May 07
Some people seldom consider others' feelings . At best you can avoid them and ignore such happenings in your workplace. Good luck.
2 people like this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
11 May 07
Well it is hard to avoid her, although I do try! Thanks for commenting.
1 person likes this
@cheenlly (3485)
• Philippines
11 May 07
It sounds like she is insecure. Like you said you had a years of management experience and you know what your doing perhaps she is really threaten by you but anyways you know what your doing so i guess it needs a lot of sacrifice and patience. As long as your doing your job very well, its ok. It will be great challenge for you if you overcome her. She is likely a difficult people and consider a difficult people as Sandpaper. She may scratch you and hurt you. But in the end you will be smooth while she are worn out. I may also leave you this piece: In life, there are people watching our next move, desperately waiting for us to fail, and even praying for us to give up. But don't give a damn! Leave them in their small mindedness. Foiling their wicked hopes just doubles the fun of living and surviving, just keep in mind that failures and difficulties shouldn't scare us because they lead us to breakthroughs and great discoveries about ourselves and the world we live in. Godbless you!
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
11 May 07
Thank you cheenlly, I wish I could give two best responses!
@cheenlly (3485)
• Philippines
11 May 07
Your most welcome my friend.Oh! im happy that you appreciate my respond and i think thats best thing and enough for me. Thanks. Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@jimbomuso (950)
11 May 07
sometimes people make others feel bad to 'patch up' their own shortcomings, see if you can 'ride it out' because the situation should improve over time. If this person continues to upset you or provoke you, confront that person with how they've made you feel in a neutral environment with the support of a friend(witness). I dont know where your posting from but most working law say's you should be able to work without harrasment, bullying or predudice. if the problem continues take the problem further(tribunal? lawyer?),remember that this peron is small minded and petty so act cautiously
1 person likes this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
11 May 07
I know people are like that, but I don't see it as necessary to tear others down to give oneself a boost in self esteem. I am trying to ride it out, but I can only be pushed so far.
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
11 May 07
Hi dlkuku, i can definitely relate to what you are going through. I had a terrible 2nd job. And i also understand that financially tight because i am doing so many other things to help me get multiple streams of income for my kids private education, our holidays, etc.. About tearing other people down, i realise that it happens everywhere. My older boy (5 yrs) was just dismissed from school yesterday and a group of his friends started to tell me how playful my son was during class and he was talking while the teacher was explaining. His friends really thought they did justice by telling me such things. The worst thing of all, their teacher, who is one of the senior teachers in that school did nothing to restrict those tatter tales. She was so oblivious to the whole thing. The best thing i can say to you is, look around for another job if this one tortures you. Try to find as many options available for you. So that you can have the ball in your court and leave whenever you feel like it. Good luck! - Lyn
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
11 May 07
camar_lyn, thanks for responding. I looked for months before I found this job, with so many places closing their doors here, jobs are really hard to come by. My best hope is to change departments.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 May 07
This woman obviously feels threatened by you, and yet at the same time, she seems to enjoy the feeling of power that she has over you. If you feel that she's that bad, then maybe you could try and have a talk with her and find out if there's any particular reason as to why she's singling you out for this behavior. If she just keeps on being mean and belittling you, tell her that if it doesn't stop, you'll go to HER manager and make a formal complaint against her behavior towards you. Employees DO have rights, and they also have the right to exercize those rights if they feel that they're being threatened or belittled by their manager. I wish you luck in sorting this out.
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
12 May 07
There must be a way to report her to the upper management. If it's at all possible, make a note of what happened every day, and if you can, get a proof or witness to support it. Managers think they are in powerful position, but you have been there and you know this is not entirely true. You also know what can hurt the manager's position. I'm sure if you refer to your experiences, you will come up with a solution how to handle this person. Don't open up too much yet, you are new to everyone there. Good luck!
@sunita64 (6474)
• India
12 May 07
Well some people lead miserable lifes at home and that is what they give to other people. So such a person I feel is insecure and hence feel that if they will do the bossing up then only they will get some power over others. To such people I feel really pity and if the things are very bad then I think you should start searching for another job and leave this one whenever you get another.