Win a digital camera for the best wedding joke.

Australia
May 13, 2007 12:59am CST
I'm giving away a digital camera for the best wedding joke. My brother is getting married soon & I need some hilarious wedding jokes for the reception. To get some more jokes, I'm offering a link to your website or blog for every entry, and a digital camera for the best entry, as judged by readers of my blog, jokevault.blogspot.com. Conditions of the competition are on my blog & you can have a look at all the entries to date at jokevault.blogspot.com/search/label/wedding%20joke%20competition.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@dixielol (1581)
• United States
14 May 07
What type of wedding jokes are you looking for? Clean ones, jokes about how bad marriage can be? I have a huge list. Im sure one of them would work for you.
• Australia
15 May 07
Generally pretty clean, jokes about how good or bad marriage is, yes. Probably nothing too dirty. Strangely enough the bride's father is a vicar, I'm sure there should be a few jokes to be had there, although some people could get offended too!
@dixielol (1581)
• United States
23 May 07
Humm, maybe one of these will help you out: A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her. He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind-hearted?" The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son." "Why did you make her so good-looking?" "So you could love her, my son." "Why did you make her such a good cook?" "So you could love her, my son." The man thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but ... why did you make her so stupid?" "So she could love you, my son." -------------------------------------------------------- A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel. The only motel in his town has only one room available so they have a minor problem. PRIEST: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the couch and you take the bed. SISTER: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later... SISTER: Father, I'm terribly cold. PRIEST: Okay, I'll get up and get you a blanket from the closet. Ten minutes later... SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold. PRIEST: Okay Sister, I'll get up and get you another blanket. Ten minutes later... SISTER: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night. PRIEST: So you'll be getting your own blanket from now on, then. ------------------------------------------------------- A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once." A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice." After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do." The farmer said, "That's once." -------------------------------------------------------- If love is blind marriage is an eye-opener. -------------------------------------------------------- Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. -------------------------------------------------------- After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it." -------------------------------------------------------- A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire". -------------------------------------------------------- Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. -------------------------------------------------------- A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?" The mom replied, "Because they're happy, dear." Halfway through the wedding the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do men wear black?" -------------------------------------------------------- During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you £100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honour and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal." The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer." -------------------------------------------------------- The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" -------------------------------------------------------- I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions... and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!" -------------------------------------------------------- A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the baker to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." The baker evidently lost the scripture reference, but working from memory, beautifully inscribed on the cake "John 4:18". Imagine the shock of those who looked up the reference to read: "For you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband." said Jesus to the woman of Samaria. -------------------------------------------------------- While waiting to register at a hotel, I overheard the couple ahead of me asking for a room with a king, queen or double bed. The clerk apologized and said that the only rooms available had twin beds. Disappointed, the man remarked, "I don't know. We've been sharing the same bed for 44 years." "Could you possibly put them close together?" the wife asked. Several people nearby smiled, and someone commented, "How romantic." Then the woman finished her request with, "Because if he snores, I want to be able to punch him." -------------------------------------------------------- A husband is advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you are the boss." Of course, the husband takes the doctor's advice. He rushes home, slams the door, shakes his fist in his wife's face, and growls, "From now on, you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs, and lay out my best clothes. Tonight, I'm going out with the boys and you are going to stay at home where you belong. And another thing ... Do you know who's going to comb my hair, adjust my pants, and then tie my bow tie?" "I certainly do," says his wife calmly. "The undertaker." -------------------------------------------------------- Five-year-old Suzie told her mother the story of Snow White which she had heard in school. Prince Charming had kissed her back to life. Suzie concluded: "And do you know what happened then?" "Yes," said the mother, "they lived happily ever after." "No," responded Suzie, with a frown, "...they got married." -------------------------------------------------------- The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side ....You know what?" "What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck." If none of these helps, let me know. I have plenty more....& could use a new camera:)
• Australia
27 May 07
Thanks for all the jokes. There don't seem to be too many people voting for my joke competition, so you will have no problem winning the camera if you get a few friends to vote. Only problem is its not actually brand new, its one I've had for some time, & decided to give away rather than selling on ebay. If you still want it, just get the votes in and I am happy to post it anywhere in the world. When my jokes site builds up a bit more over the next few months, I am intending to give better prizes like a brand new camera, or cash through PayPal. jokevault.blogspot.com
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
15 May 07
Guidelines to a happy marriage (or what men wished their wives understood): If there are two ways to interpret anything I said, and one of them makes you sad or angry, I meant the other meaning. You can either ask me to do something, or tell me how to do it. Not both. If you already know how best to do it, please do it yourself.
• Australia
15 May 07
Thanks for this one, I'll add it to the list. Do you have a blog or website you would like it linked to?
• Singapore
16 May 07
Thanks but it's ok, don't need the link. It's very nice of you to do this! hope the wedding goes well and the guests roll on the floor laughing! Weddings can be very stressful to prepare for, but the memories are for a lifetime! all the best!
@Geomos (323)
• South Africa
15 May 07
Scientists have identified a food which causes grief and suffering years after it has been eaten. It is called wedding cake !!
• Australia
16 May 07
Thanks Geomos, I've added that one too!