What would you do if......

United States
May 13, 2007 8:17pm CST
Ok two weeks ago i had a major problem and i asked my mother for a little help. I ran out of money a few days befor payday and i also ran out of diaper's for my 7 month old and pull ups for my 2 year old so i called my mother up on the phone for help. I asked her if i could barrow $20 so that i could buy this stuff for her grandchildren and she said yes that i could as long as i got the money back to her. I'm good on my word and i promised my mother that she would get it back. Well my husbands car needed insuranceput back on it because with out this he would have not just his license taken away but if he was cought driving they would take the car as well. So we had to pay for that out of his paycheck and we had to get car parts as well. I tried to explain this to my mother that when it rains it poors. So she called me about 4 days after payday and asked me why i havn't gotten the money to her yet and i tried to tell her this stuff and she didn't want to hear it. She told me over the phone "I'm not asking for the money i'm demanding it". I was very upset over this because it was for her grandchildren. Here's the question. Would you have acted like this with your son/daughter if they needed the money to get a few things that your grandchildren needed knowing that you would get the money back as soon as was possable? You would not call them have through a big fit over $20?
8 people like this
23 responses
@puma_nz (999)
• New Zealand
14 May 07
Oh you poor thing.. No I would NOT have reacted the way your Mother did and I doubt that I would even ask for the money back either especially knowing that its for my Moko's (GrandChildren) Tell your Mother to get a grip there are worse things in life than worrying about a meazley $20.. sorry to say but it sounds to me like theres nothing more important that freaking money to your Mum. That SUCKS! I have 4 Children and I would NEVER tell them to pay my money back. Ever..
6 people like this
• United States
14 May 07
I do the best that i can with what i have. I'm trying very hard to give to my children what i never got. Love from my parents. My grandmother killed a little inside my heart when she passed away. She may have been a drunk at times but she was the only one that showed me real love. if ever there was a problem i went to my gram and she would help me with what ever the problem was. When she passed i vowed that my children wouldn't live the way that i did. So now i soend as much time with them as i can and i have to say that it's really a lot of joy just to see what they can do. My daughter (2 year old) is working really hard on the potty training and if the person above wants to judge me like my mother has then so be it. I'm better then that and the person still got a postive rating. I know and see with my children that i am doing the right thing. My 7 month old sat on his own for more then 2 minutes today for the first time. It's the little things that my kids do that tell me that i'm doing a great job with them no matter what and it's always "Mom i didn't get my hug and kiss tonight and would you come up and tuck me into bed for the night". This is what i do every night with them because they ask me and i check on them every night after their dreams take them flying away and i just look at them and want to cry for the wonderful gifts that god has given me to guide and love for ever. My mom will get the money but my kids have to come first.
3 people like this
@puma_nz (999)
• New Zealand
14 May 07
Yup but then she wouldnt have given it if she needed it aye???
4 people like this
@judyt00 (3497)
• Canada
14 May 07
Did you ever consider that her mom has no money either, and needs that money back?
2 people like this
@tammyr (5946)
• Etowah, Tennessee
14 May 07
You said she said she needed it back, Did you tell her you would pay her back on that day, or as soon as you could? I realize you plan to pay her back, but if you gave her a day you could pay it back and could not do so on that day, You should at least let her know. That part is a little unclear... Did you call her on pay day and tell her about the car? or did you tell her about it when you borrowed it? I have loaned my son money and had to wait an extra week for it and I did not get mad. He doesn't even have kids, but needed it for important things. If I REALLY needed it back on a specific day, I tell him when he borrowed it, so he knows that I need it then. I thing a lot of this is a miss understanding maybe. And in a year it will be forgotten, so there is no need in her getting nasty about it, but a loan should be paid back when you say it will be paid back.
4 people like this
• United States
14 May 07
This i understand and i always payback when i say that i will. I plained on her getting the money back on payday or the day after and when i talked to her i told her what was wrong with the car and that we needed car parts. my husband get's paid every other week. We are always waiting for our taxes to get back and we where hopping that it would be this past week which it's sad to say that it wasn't. I told her that as soon as i got the money i would give it to her. I was very sorry that i was late on the payment i didn't mean for it to happen. This is the first time that she let me barrow money in 3 years. I've always had this problem of her houndding me if i barrow anything. She knows how tight the money is right now and i'm trying to get back into the work force to get back on our feet but it's been hard. She was trying to fight with me over the phone while my children where in the house at the time. I told her that i was not going to fight in front of the kids and that we would talk about it later and hung up. I don't think that i hung up first i think that she did befor me because i said that the children didn't need to hear it.
2 people like this
@tammyr (5946)
• Etowah, Tennessee
14 May 07
Now that I know a little more about the situation, I think I should say that you are right she is just over-reacting. Your kids are far more important than her partying. She should be happy to help you when you are having a rough time. Thank God for mothers like you. Bless you.
3 people like this
@Lavera1 (896)
• United States
14 May 07
Well I know or I think I know how you feel about that,Jamiel because I have three children of my own. I loan money to them also and if they can not pay me back I do not call them out and ball them out.
3 people like this
• United States
15 May 07
I know a lot of parents are not like this. My grandmother never was. She always let me barrow the money and she always got it back. Out of the kids barrowing money i was the only one that she would allow. To me my gram was a great person. Granted she had her every few months when i couldn't go visit her because she was to drunk to remember. But all in all she was pretty cool towards me.
1 person likes this
@sweetsue (758)
• Philippines
14 May 07
As far as I am concern and I believe I really am, I would not act like the way your mother did to you. Considering that $20 bucks, that isn't a big money at all. I will just wait for my daughter to pay me if she has enough money though she had promised a date to pay me. It will be ok if she'll pay but if not heck is not a big deal, after all I am her mom and she's my daughter. My grandchildren are precious and so if they need that little help from grandma why should I deprive it?
3 people like this
• United States
15 May 07
If i could help her in anyway i would in a flash. It's hard watching her act like fool just because of the drinking and partying almost every night at her house. I have my hands tied and don't know what to do.
1 person likes this
@sweetsue (758)
• Philippines
15 May 07
I see, too bad to know that your mom is having that a bit bad habit. That maybe the reason why she's taking things a little far with petty things. I just hope you can help her out with her drinking habit. Goodluck!
2 people like this
@sweetsue (758)
• Philippines
16 May 07
It seems that things are a bit helpless with regards to your mom. In any case, I hope she will soon realize what she's been doing. Godbless!
@dlkuku (1935)
• United States
14 May 07
I can't believe your mother acted like that over $20.00. I have already given my kids way more money than that, and never asked or expected it back. I'm their mom, if they can't ask me for help when they need it, then I wouldn't be a very good mom. Sometimes things happen, and I have been in the position where I had to ask for help too from time to time. I wouldn't want my grandchildren or even my children to go without if I have it to give it.
• United States
14 May 07
Thank you dlkuku for understanding me. If i didn't need the help at the time then i never would have asked. It's been really bad luck at my house. I can't seem to stay afloat with the bills and everything. It's hard and falling on hard times once in a while don't help when some one is nagging for what is owed to them after just a few days.
2 people like this
@msjigga (864)
• United States
14 May 07
Absolutely NOT! Your Mom sound like my Mom. I am currently am unemployeed a single Mom of two no income no child support since January. No money since income tax (January). I asked my Mom if I could borrow $10 to pick up a few items from the store. She said no because she had to get her nails done. My Grandman had a stroke I went to the hospital to see her and took my children and my Mom was there also she complained about my daugthers shoes being scuffed and my baby not wearing any shoes. I had asked for money weeks ago to buy my children some more shoes. My reponse to her that takes money she started screaming at me I dont know what the He!! you do with money. I have been off work since January have not received any child support since January, no one helps me. She started comparing me to herself when I was a kid. My Grandma always helped my Mom without any problem or questions.I practically lived with my grandma.I cant even get my Mom to watch my kids while I go to work or look for work. She is the reason why I dont have a job she got me fired I was on probation at a job that does not like to hire single Moms. My kids daycare was closed for Martin Luther King holiday my Mom agreed to watch both of my kids she took my 5 yr old to church with her she was supppose to come back that night and pick up my baby but she did not. Not only did she not come to pick my baby up she called my job that she knew I was not at requesting to talk to me. so I was let go. Sorry for the long response but I can relate I have an unreasonable Mom also.
• United States
14 May 07
Hunny i know the feeling. This is how my mom works as well. What makes me angerer then i already am is that after she sold a house for $14,000 she let my sister barrow $300 and never said anything to her about money at all and didn't get it back until 6 months later. My sister was working and so was her boyfriend and she was and still is brining home paychecks that are close to $700 a week. It took her 6 months to return the $300 where as i asked for $20 and it's only going to take a week or two longer then i thought to get it back to her and already she's yelling at me infront of the kids on the phone. Don't worrie about the long response. Those are good.
3 people like this
@msjigga (864)
• United States
14 May 07
I am an only child, My Mom tends to help my cousin or her friends who already have money. I had futon in my livingroom for along time. I wanted to buy a couch but could not afford to at that time. My Mother won the lottery she got rid of her leather livingroom suit which she only had for 2 years, she told me she was getting rid of the livingroom suit she knew that I wanted a couch instead of the futon. She did not even offer me the livinroom suit she gave it my cousin to put in her GAME ROOM! I know that was her couch she could do what ever she wants with her furniture, buy my cousin has a nice big house with nice furniture throughout her whole intire house her gameroom was the only room without alot furniture.My cousin has everything she is a psycologist. she makes atleast $100 per hour. She tends to do for people she think she can get back from not people who truly need help. I was a little upset because if my cousin really wanted more furniture she would went to the furniture store and brought furnitue. Now her gameroom looks alittle cluttered. My Mom called her and offered her the furniture.She did not ask or buy it from my Mom.
3 people like this
@icequeen (2840)
• Canada
14 May 07
I am a mother myself. If my son called to borrow money..his father and I would be only to happy to lend him the money...especially if it was for his kids. I don't know why your mother acted like that? Have you borrowed from her before? Have you always paid her back? I can't say...because I don't know the details...but perhaps you should find someone else to borrow from....in the future.
2 people like this
@pinklilly (3443)
• Australia
2 Jun 07
There's probably more to it on her part but I wouldn't act like that in fact I probably would have gone to the shop and brought her what she needed and more..... I often ask my mum for help and she does if she can she struggles too, but she would always help her children first and I would do the same....
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jun 07
This is just how i feel about my children. I would do everything for them no matter what that is. They are my flesh and blood and for what my mother did it was unspeakable. I can't believe that she called me two days after i barrowed it to start demanding it. The day that she call i could tell that she was partying and i really didn't have any money on me. I'm out of work and my husband had all of his paycheck into his checking account. He wasn't home to get the money to me. I had a lot of things going on at that time and she knew it. She was more upset i think because i told her that i wasn't going to argue over the phone with her in front of my children. She slamed the phone down when i told her that one. thank you for your thoughts on this matter.
@judyt00 (3497)
• Canada
14 May 07
You should have paid your mother back before you bought groceries or paid the full amount on the insurance. How can you run out of money and diapers when you know how much thepay is going to be and how many diapers you use? Sounds to me like you need to learn how to budget. By the way, if your kid is in pullups, toilet train them or put them back in diapers which are cheaper.
2 people like this
@puma_nz (999)
• New Zealand
14 May 07
Flippin heck your a Judgemental person arent ya??? Telling her how to Budget and raise her kids... state of you mannn! I spose your all perfect in everyway huh?
4 people like this
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
14 May 07
I think you are way too harsh and have aparently never been in a bad financial situation. Sometimes there just isn't enough money, even for food!! Give her a break....we all need one sometimes!!!
3 people like this
• United States
14 May 07
ok judy here's a question for you to ask your self. if you have to drive 45 minutes away to work and you have no car insurance then what do you do? My mother is a drunk and i have 4 children that i am supporting on 1 income. My husband needs the car to get back and forth to work if we could have only paid 1/2 of the insurance then that would have been ok but they take the payments right out of his checking account as soon as they can just to get there money and if my husband has no car to get back and forth to work then we have NO MONEY to support our children at all. Every thing was ok until i lost my job due to cercomstances 2 months ago. I'm sorry that you feel like money is the only thing in this world that really matters. I could understand if it was $200 but not $20.
4 people like this
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
14 May 07
I think that is really sad, you weren't using the money for crap it was things that had to be paid for or your situation could get worse. I can't imagine how hard it would be if your hubby got thrown in jail and the car impounded =( That would be terrible and you would really need money then. I can't believe she would throw a fit over $20 for her grandkids, I think that is sad. I know it is hard asking for help when you need things like that. Did she not understand about the insurabce and everything?? I would just say sorry but the money ran out and you will have to pay her with the next check. I hope she wouldn't get so mad at you, it is hard these days with kids and cars and all, it is really overwhelming. I always think if I am willing to lend someone any amount of money I might not ever get it back, no matter who it is so if I lend someone money I don't really expect it back so I wouldn't get upset over it. Try not to get upset over it I totally think your mom should have been more understanding!!
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
14 May 07
Ok, I go through this with my mom sometimes. We get near the end of the month and run out of something or other and my mom will help us out. I ALWAYS make sure rent, electric and phone/internet are paid first thing so if she has to help us with anything it is usually little things. I generally keep track of what I owe her and on payday I catch up as much as I can without cutting us short again. Its not ideal and I hate to have her help us at all but sometimes things happen and you just have to do the best you can. And no I wouldn't have flipped out... LIVE IN PEACE
2 people like this
@gardengrrl (1445)
• United States
14 May 07
It depends on the lender's circumstances. I have a few friends that I would give the shirt off my back, food off my plate, etc. If they need, I will try to help, but I will also be clear with them. If I need the $20 back in order to make it to my next payday, I tell them up front: you must give this back to me as promised. This is my lunch money. If they don't, they get a rasher of stuff from me. Now, if it were grandchildren, I think that's a different thing. We have a 26 year old friend who is as close to a daughter as we'll ever come. We "loaned" her some money to buy her 5 year old girl Christmas presents. Income tax time was the payback date, but then her car broke down and her hours got cut and cash was very short. We didn't ask her for the money and don't intend to. It's not going to hurt our retirement or anything, and we value this relationship too much to strain it over some cash. Besides, she's going to school to be an RN, so I imagine there'll be some moment in the future when that bit of bread cast on the water will roll right back to our shore! =o) =o) =o) As far as buying things for the kids basic needs, I don't understand why there is even a question of payback. These are her grandchildren, and they need this. Should they do without? I'd make a good bet that, when she was a young mother, she got a bit of help from the old folks, in some fashion. Pay her back ASAP, even if that means transferring the debt to someone else. Next time you need something, instead of asking to borrow, tell her, your grandkids need this, can you help us, period. Adding a penny ante debt to your already heavy load is just wrong. My mom worked as a waitress until she was 68 years old, and she never begrudged my sister some help buying stuff for her babies. Shame on Grandma! Some years ago, I had to make the adjustment from earning a decent living to getting by on a disability check. I was clueless! My local Community Center had a lot of free resources, including free financial literacy classes, that really saved me. If you can find the time, check out your local Center and see if they have this. The first one I took was "Saving on a Shoestring Budget", and it opened my eyes to so many ways I could help myself out, it was totally worth the time. The feeling I got when I was able to follow the steps and put together my first budget, and then follow it, was amazing! I slipped up a lot, but I kept trying, and now it's pretty much second nature. I don't live check to check anymore. It took quite a few years, but if I can do it, anyone can! Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 07
Thank you for the advise and you think that same way that i do. I shouldn't have to pay her back because it was for her grandchildren but i almost forgot that to her money is everything. At christmas time she sends her husband to get the presents from a dallor store for the kids. It's always something that small and to big for my children. But to me it's the thought that counts so i don't say anything about it. I smile and try to have a good time. I think that she's a little jelous of my life but i don't know anymore who my mom really is.
• Australia
14 May 07
Hello jamie11982 My mom never do that to me thank God for that, and i would not do that to my child. Still my responsibility to take care of them and support their living. I can't see my family suffering because of they don't have money. But i want to make sure that they will work to get more money. God bless you http://money-athome.blogspot.com http://beautycosmetictips.blogspot.com
2 people like this
• United States
15 May 07
I lost my job in March and i am in the process of looking for a new one. She knew this. My husband works but with everything that is taken out of his paycheck we don't get to much for a family of 6 to live on. So i got a little low with car issues and i asked her if i could barrow it. It's not like she won't get it back at all. I told her that she would get it back asap. She demaneded it NOW. I'm 25 years old she can't demand me anymore like she did when i was a little girl. It's like she don't care. I think tat letting me barrow the 20 was the most that has ever been spent on my children by her.
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
14 May 07
Your mother was being unreasonable. Im sure being short of 20 bucks for a week or two wont kill her. Shes your mother for godsakes. I could understand if you owed her alot of money that she needed back, but car insurance and groceries and diapers are much more important and if she would think rationally shed understand. Sorry dear!! You dont deserve that.
2 people like this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
14 May 07
My mom would never have done this if I asked her for money. She really should understand what situation you are in and try to help you instead of making you more stressed about the whole situation. I am not saying that u shouldnt pay her back, but i am saying that she should see it for what it is and be patient.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 07
I wish that she was as patient as you. But she's not that type of person i guess. It's always something with my mother. If i ask her to come up to visit and have a cup of coffie she can't but if i tell her that i have something up here to give to her she's up here in a flash. It feels like it's always something for nothing when it comes to her. It makes me feel really really bad and used.
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
14 May 07
This sounds pretty harsh to me, I am assuming that $20 to your Mom is not as large an amount as $20 is to you. It is unfortunate that Mom did that to you and your children. As to what you can to help avoid this situation I am not sure, I guess clipping coupons can help a bit, but not much, I remember diapers being very expensive even when my son was little. I guess you have to look how you can cut corners so that you don't have to borrow from your Mom again.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 07
I am always and forever slipping cupons now. I feel like i take all sunday for this. I do use them but clipping cupons couldn't solve the problem of needing car parts and insurance befor paying my mother. She told me that i better give her the money befor i bought food for my children and the house. She has always been bitter towards me. I guess that i should have known befor i asked.
• Australia
14 May 07
I understand how you feel. My son is 16 months old some weeks he uses only a small amount of nappies other weeks he used heaps. So it is hard to judge how many you need. And as for the borrowing money, you should ask if you need help that is what parents are for. I feel that if you could of paid her you would have. Your mother should understand your situation. My partner and i are only living on one income i get a little from centrelink and that just covers it with food and bills. Except when you have 2 weddings in one month then we strugle a bit. But its all a learning experiance. So i think when you can give her $10 to say thankyou and that should make her happy. Good luck with everything.
• United States
15 May 07
My mother has lent me thousands of dollars. She NEVER asks for it. In fact she gets mad when I try paying her back. Over the past few years we have gotten to the point that if we need a loan it is only a bridge loan. She actually cashes a check for me. Waits till the day I tell her the money will be there and deposits it. Then she gets it right away. We have also gotten to the point where we don't need her help and now she gets annoyed if I spend money on her. She actually scolded me for not letting her buy the ingredients to the dinner we made her! As far as what I would do ... well my 16 year old daughter owes me a couple of hundred dollars. I only bust her chops about it when she is getting a bit to greedy. It reins her in. I am in no rush to be paid back and if she never does - oh well. She is my child no matter how old she gets.
1 person likes this
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
14 May 07
There's two sides to every story, and since we are only hearing one side, I am going to assume that this is not the first time you've borrowed money from your mom, otherwise why would she be so adament about getting it back? Maybe she feels that by past experience with either you or other people, she has not ever had her money returned to her. Try to see things from her perspective and do your utmost to pay her back so you can put closure on this and hopefully if the need should arise again, she will not hesitate to lend you money should you need it.
1 person likes this
@beauty_ph (2749)
• Philippines
15 May 07
I think anybody will be expecting from someone if promised. But personally I have the word of honor, I do what I say provided all is well. That's the reason your mom is demanding, she's expecting something from you. Another thing, when I lend money, most of the time I don't listen to when this people promise to pay me specially those who often don't pay back so I won't get upset when tehy can't keep their promise. I guess if I was the one who can't repay the money in time, I would have asked the person before the due time and explain not wait for the person to remind me. Good communication often solves the problem specially money matter.
1 person likes this