To much to deal with

United States
May 14, 2007 11:26am CST
my so called husband told me he wants to be able to have the freedom to talk and go out with other women. i dont accept this and i dont think i should have to. i can deal with him talking to other females on the phone but not going out with them. he says they are just friends and he should be able to have female friends. i dont mind female friends but to me he is trying to go out on dates with them. if he was going out with them and i am there too then i wouldnt mind but i know thats not what he wants. he is talking to one girl that i really dont like and he says they are just friends but i wouldnt like what he says on the phone to her. now if they are just friends why would i not like what he says to her and why does he call her at night? last night we came in the house after 10pm and the first thing he did was call her. he tells me he doesnt want to be with her but i dont believe that. if she was just a friend you wouldnt call her that late and you wouldnt be saying things to her that i wouldnt like and you wouldnt be trying to go out with her. its pretty obvious that if it came down to it he would choose his so called friendship with her over being married to me. we only been married for a year and 1 month but now i know that us getting married was a mistake. he thinks what he wants to do is not wrong. am i right for calling it a date? am i wrong for saying i dont want him talking or going out with other women? what would you do in this situation? i do love him and want this marriage to work but i dont think i should be coming second to any other women.
3 people like this
11 responses
@nicolecab (923)
• United States
14 May 07
i totally agree with you on this one!! My husband has female friends but they are married and he does not go out and do things alone with them or for that fact doesn't even call them!! if he wanted to go out in a group then that would be a diff story, but if you cant go then that is a big red flag!! if you really want it to work then the both of you need to sit down and talk (prob with someone else there to keep things from getting out of control like a mother/father or a close friend) and let him know how you feel and try to get a real reason out of him behind this behavior. let him know what you dont like or approve of him doing and be very clear on those things so there is no misunderstanding and maybe what ya'll can do to compromise on if they really are just friends (like all going out together). i really think ya'll need to have a very serious talk on the issue though!!
1 person likes this
@UDDERONES (888)
• United States
14 May 07
I would not put up with this either. Of course I say that and one never knows until they are in the situation. But what I would tell him is that he can either go to marriage counseling or if he didn't stop this I was going to file for divorce. Of course I say all this and I don't know how you feel about him. He has to be willing to change for your marriage to work. I know I am going through some times with my husband. Not another woman or anything, but other issues and if he is not willing to change then I don't see the marriage lasting. I will say a prayer for you like I do for my marriage each night. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
14 May 07
There is no way I would go for my guy talking to women and going out with them and calling them on the phone.. thats a bunch of crap.. I would give him what he wants.. a divorce! he is not worth it.. he is to immature to be married and your worth more then that... he should respect the fact that you dont want him talking with them. you are supposed to be his # 1 not anyone else...
1 person likes this
@pinks0da (328)
• Philippines
30 Jun 07
Oh my! how cruel of your husband to do that to you! I'm sorry but I have to say somebody has to teach your husband how to treat and respect his wife. You are right, you should not come second to any other women out there friends or best friends of his. Why on earth does he have to marry you when he still wants to date other women? I think you also have to examine yourself if there's anything that you have done to make him do that. Or talk to him and tell him how you feel on this whole thing he is doing, no shouting no crying... make it an honest and sincere talk. Calling a friend that late for what? was it very important? if he just wanted to say hi then that's a different story! he should not forget that he is married and you are right beside him...Girl, you've got to show him your worth. He has to know what he really wants to spare you from all this agony. Take care!!
@magnet (2087)
• United States
30 Jun 07
Well he should have thought of that before he got married. If I was in the situation I would tell him that I'm not for that and if he wants this marriage to work he need to let go of the woman friends or else. Sounds like you really love him, but does he feel the same way about you and want to work things out. Maybe you guys should consider marriage counseling. If he does not want to give up the woman friend then if I was in the situation I would end the relationship. I don't think married women should have to compete with other women. They should feel secure with their husband. I hope that things will work out for the good.
• United States
25 Jun 07
Have you tried marriage counselling? Sometimes your guy will say things in that type of situation that he wouldn't come out and say to just you. It may be worth checking into.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
18 May 07
Sweetie! I am so sorry to hear this has been ongoing. It must be tearing you up inside. No it is absolutely wrong for him to want any kind of a relationship with another woman, friend or no! I do have male friends, but these were friends I have had for many years. I have no interest in a relationship other than an occasional lunch and most often there are several people there and my husband is welcome to come. He should not be calling other women and he should not be wanting to go out with them alone! These are dates he is planning. I truly hope you leave this relationship. YOu may want it to work, but he certainly doesn't care if it does or doesn't. You deserve so much better than that! There are men out there that can love you and only you, give yourself the opportunity to find that for yourself. Don't give your love and hope to someone who so obviously doesn't deserve it!
@Dixie58 (18)
• United States
17 May 07
I agree to an extent that your husband is immature for trying to talk to this female where you cant hear and it sounds as if he is well sorry making dates and possible already seeing her. But as for men having female friends out side the marriage that is a toughy see my husband is the local santa and very sociable and we can not go grocery shopping with out him getting 5 or 6 hugs from females as he is the huggy bear of our area. but I am secure in my marriage of just 20 years as I know he would never choose to be with his friends over me but hun if your this early in the marriage and doubting your choice I would suggest talking to him tell him your feelings and if he is not supportive and willing to stop what makes you uncomfortable ... I say pack your bags hun and tell him to enjoy his life.
@whywiki (6070)
• Canada
16 May 07
I would leave. It would hurt but I would get over it. No man has the right to make you feel bad on a constant basis. I hope you haven't had children with this man. He seems way too immature for fatherhood. I don't mind my hubby having female friends but he isn't going to be hanging out and calling them on a regular basis. I have male friends too but we don't hang out by ourselves. I think the most healthy thing for your mind is to dump him. Otherwise his head games will drive you batty and ruin any further relationships for you. This man is toxic.
@lisagayle (395)
• United States
15 May 07
That is a load of crap, if he wants to go out with other wemon, he obviously does'nt love you, you may love him, but he jsn't returning that love to you. if I were you I would let him go and have his fun, sounds to me like he needs to grow up, and you need to find happieness.
@pirtlems (245)
• United States
14 May 07
git rit of the worthless S.O.B. he is not worth the headache and the heartaches you will have to put up with.if he loved you he would not need or want another woman.he doesen't want you he just want's your body. you are very attractive and don't need his crap. find a real man who will love you and only you.