i'm not invited to my friend's wedding

Indonesia
May 14, 2007 12:16pm CST
i'm pretty sad today..i have my friend's wedding in 4 weeks and i'm 100%certain i'm not invited.i'm a woman and he's a man but we have been friends for 10 yrs-strictly platonic.he was one of my closest friends.ever since i found out he was engaged-6 months ago he has stopped talking to me,hang out w/me,even online-he's there everyday but never messages me,i messaged him few weeks ago and he wasn't talkative. i was under impression we were great friends and would always be friends.i miss him.i know his soon to be wife does not like me and she was not friendly to me.so is this common for a male friend to not invite his female friends to his wedding and then act like they don't exist?? i'm hurt by the whole thing,why was i even friends with him to begin with?seems like a waste of time.
6 people like this
35 responses
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
15 May 07
You say the soon to be wife doesn't like you...that may be the problem. He may have felt he had to pick between you two. Keeping you as a friend would have caused problems with the soon to be wife. I'd say move along and let it be his loss. It doesn't sound like she's a very nice person. LIVE IN PEACE
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 May 07
yes, i agree with twoey that this guy is not worth at all keeping as a friend. it is obvious that the reason why he is keeping his distance is the soon to be wife. if he has fought for your friendship with this woman, then he is not interested in keeping your friendship if the wife to be does not approve of it.
15 May 07
Even i do agree with both of them coz if he would have been a true frend he would put you before his wanna be wife coz i guess he knew you before she even came into his life i guess if he's not taking any initiative you should just barge into his wedding and say surprise whether his wife likes it or not i mean how can you give up on your 10years frendship just congratulate them wish them good luck and get back i think i would have done the same...ino it sounds a li'l wierd and stupid but instead a getting hurt you should just do it or else just give up on ur friendship and make no more close friends wat say?? Just suggesting n saying wat i feel should be done rest all is upon you...
• Indonesia
15 May 07
i have to agree with u guys..i can't consider him as one of my best friends anymore,and it's not because i want to.well,i think i just drop my wedding present in his parents house.it also as a goodbye gift from me.everything that started well must be end well :))at least for me.thanks for all responses!!
@Aspenn (30)
• United States
14 May 07
I'm truly sorry you are having to go through this. He is not a waste of time, I'm assuming. Many people are blinded by love, and they will do anything to keep that love. So many relationships have the jealousy seed embedded deep within. This is not true love. You cannot base a marriage on false love and jealousy. It will tear them apart. A man or woman should never tell their SO who their friends can be. This is a controlling and unloving behavior. Unfortunately, I'm sure your friend thinks he is doing the right thing by abiding by his fiances rules and ignoring you, a great friend he's had for many years. Through time, their jealousy will come to the surface and they will realize that they need to take a step back and work on their relationship, friends included, or that they simply just aren't right for each other. I'm sorry you aren't invited, but the main problem seems to be just that his fiance doesn't want you speaking with him. I hope that this can become resolved in due time. If he does come around, do not shun him. Sometimes it takes time to see the error of our ways, but that does not mean that we aren't sorry or didn't think that what we were doing at the time was right. Blessings.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
15 May 07
following my heart i don't think i can forgive him at this moment,but i hope time will heal so i can accept him as my friend IF someday he does come around :)thanks a lot for ur response.i really appreciate it :)
@whywiki (6070)
• Canada
14 May 07
Don't worry, if he is dumping friends for a woman chances are the marriage won't work. Sounds like she is the problem and probably controlling and manipulative. Hopefully he will wake up to this fact and lose her before he alienates all his friends. Hopefully you will be invited to his second wedding.
• Indonesia
14 May 07
oh,i love u!!! lolz.joke.i have the same thought also today just i'm afraid to mention it in here,but u said it!! i don't mind AT ALL he's getting married just i hope w/different woman.maybe i have 2nd chance to attend his (2nd)wedding :)) thanks for making me smile :))
1 person likes this
@nurhoney (1123)
• Philippines
14 May 07
You know what I think about this? I think your friend doesnt want to do all those things to you but he doesnt want her soon to be wife to be mad of him about you. Iam sure her wife know about you and all those things you and your friend have been through all these time. She might just be jealous of you that she doesnt want you and her soon to be hubby to still be connected with each other. I know its not fair but your friend just wants to make his soon to be wife not doubtful about him. Its totally not fair in your side coz you have no other intentions or whatsoever but just to be a friend...the thing is the insecurity of the soon to be wife. This is my point of view...I have the same situation where my hubby feels insecure about my guy friends so in my own way, I tried to have a gap with them...my guy friends totally understands it, which I really appreciate much.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
15 May 07
he has an arrogant soon to be wife i suppose or over jealous with no reasons.i don't mind if we are not as close as before coz i know he has another responsibility now,but at least don't cut the friendship at all w/me.i can be a gud friend of both of them if he gives me a chance.but it's ok,he made his own choice.thank u soo much for ur response.
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
14 May 07
I think you need to realise that he is not a friend, a real friend would not act like this. I have male friends and they do not stop talk to me just becase they get a gf. If he was a true friend he would still be and he would have invited u, no matter what. You deserve better friends than this so just try and move on, even if it hurts. He will be the one regretting this later in life.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
14 May 07
we had ups n downs together,that's y i value him as my best friend.i think his soon to be wife has officially put the shackles on him.and u also right,if he's a real friend he would make an effort to assure his fiancee that me and him are strictly good platonic friends.i think i have to slap my own butt and say,move on girl :)) thanks for your response
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2667)
• United States
14 May 07
I can really see were you are coming from. It sounds like your friends future wife is jealeous of you. Your friend probably wants you there but his fiance probably has a problem with it so that is why he has not invited you. Hang in there, if he is a true friend then it will all work out and he will come around. But if the worse happens and he is not a true friend then it is probably best you find out now instead investing any more time and feelings to just get hurt worse down the road. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
14 May 07
u're right..it sucks,but there is not much i can do about it.i guess his fiancee has control over him.i feel better now after read several comments in here :) thanks alot for your comment :))
1 person likes this
@bindishah (2062)
• India
14 May 07
I dont think its fair of him to treat you this way.I have loads of friends who are guys and they have never treated me like this. Friendhip is in its own place and love in its own. He should think of a way of striking a balnce between you and his wife rather than ignoring you.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
14 May 07
yeah,i think he choose his love relationship over their friends..i never did that to any of my friends.but it's ok,it will heal soon,the pain :) thanks a lot for your response
1 person likes this
• United States
14 May 07
You do have to understand that he's getting married so he shouldn't be spending time with you but with his fiance. Things change when 2 people get involved. They don't hang out with their friends as much as they use to. It's just the way it is. However, I don't understand why he couldn't invite you to the wedding. There's no harm in that. Sounds to me like she probably asked him not to invite you. That's kinda childish. Just forgetta bout it and find new friends.
1 person likes this
• India
17 May 07
Hey may be he is behaving such because of some other reaon and not just because he is getting married!! Yuo talk to him and clear it out before his marriage yaar... and be friends with his wife too...!!
• Indonesia
17 May 07
well,i'm pretty sure that i never done any mistakes to him or his future wife.he's my hubby's best man on my wedding and he's one of my best friends since 10 years ago..don't u think i deserve to be invited..but i'm ok now:) we all have ups and downs in our life.thanks a lot for your comment!
• United States
15 May 07
That is a shame, obviously the soon to be wife has jealousy issues which means she is uncertain of her relationship, sad when that happens perhaps in time she will be accept relationship outside their relationship. Hopefully one day he will come back to you as friends again after things have cooled down on the homefront. Don't be sad for your friend that you can't be in attendance of his wedding, just be happy for him no matter where you are, that is what friends are for.
• Indonesia
16 May 07
i'm happy for him that's why i want to be invited :)) but i have many supporting posts from friends in myLot and it make me feel i can through this.thanks a lot for your support!
• United States
15 May 07
I think his future wife sees you as a threat and has probably forbid him from speaking to you. It's sad that some women feel they need to tighten the reins like this. But there may be things that you do not know, maybe he has given her reason to distrust him. I would suggest that you send them a card congratulating them, show that you are the better person and let it go for now. Maybe after they are married and she feels more secure in their relationship she will loosen the reins and you can be friends again.
• Indonesia
16 May 07
infact,i already bought wedding gift for them several days ago,thought will drop it in his parents house. i'm still upset but it will over:) thanks for your response!
@panicdude (457)
• Philippines
15 May 07
i don't think he should treat you this way. and you said he was one of your closest friends. why would he act like this? try to talk to him about this and tell him that you're hurt by the whole thing. i also don't think that your friendship was a waste of time. if he still doesn't talk to you and he still avoids you, that's the time when you should think if your friendship is a waste of time.
• Indonesia
16 May 07
she must be has put the shackles on him successfully.talking w/him is worthless because he has his wedding soon,he must be will choose that first.silence is golden,heeeeh..thanks for ur comment!
@easyzheng (666)
• China
15 May 07
Now the point here is as you says here, his girlfriend doesn't like you(I don't know the reason). I agree that the man doesn't invite you to his wedding if he knows his would-be wife doesn't like you. After all, it is his wife who is going to live a life-long life with him and he should value her more than you. And in order to avoid embarrassment, it's wise for you and him not to get in close touch with each other.
• Indonesia
16 May 07
i also don't know the reason.i was very supportive when he told me about her.i even let him to borrowed my car many times when he wanted to go to her house.if i know this will happen i'll put a rent price on my car :)). joke. thanks for ur advice,i also have no attention anymore to contact him :)
@sweetsue (759)
• Philippines
15 May 07
Certainly this is very unfair and hurtful on your part. But I believe this is his only remedy to keep you and him away from any trouble. For sure, his soon to be wife won't be please to see you on their wedding day because in the very first place she doesn't like you. Maybe he was advised by his soon to be wife not to invite you at all. But I guess, being your friend he is oblige to tell you the reason why he's doing that or maybe he doesn't want you to get hurt upon hearing those words from him. Sure it is painful but you can no longer do something about that. I just hope you'll get over on this thing soon. Goodluck!
• Indonesia
17 May 07
well we have the same friends so he knows surely that i will know about his wedding.but at this time it's not about my feeling that he cares but his wedding.what a heartless friend.. thanks a lot for your wish,i'm sure i can get over it :))
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
15 May 07
Oh dear, that's really sad. I guess his wife views you as a threat. The fact that you really want to be at the wedding shows how much you value the friendship. Well, if he cannot stand up to his wife and decide which friends are important enough to him to want to have at his wedding, then perhaps you are better off not having him as a friend. Cos the value to the friendship is not mutual. Actually if i were his wife, I wouldn't object. After all, it's her wedding to him, and what better occasion to declare that he's taken? So I recommend that you move on...
• Indonesia
16 May 07
thanks square..u're very sweet :) yes i will move on,there's nothing i can do about that.. thanks a lot for ur supporting comment!
• Philippines
15 May 07
It was not a waste of time. Just think of the treasured moments you have share together. A lot of things can happen in 4weeks time. But you have to understand him. It might be his wife's request not to invite you, since you were close and she might be jealous of you. I am a jealous person so i understand the situation of the wife to be, try to fit in her shoes, it will be her most awaited day and she wouldn't want to ruin it by seeing you there. I totally feel for you, just keep in mind that is was his choice and not yours. Be happy for him and wish him all the best even if he don't want you there, that is what friends do. Cheer up.
• Indonesia
15 May 07
it is no harm to invite me to their wedding.i wont bring bombs or whatsoever.i just want2see my best friend wedding.ill sit in the back row if she want to.. thank u4ur input:)
• United States
15 May 07
I would be offended by his behavior. What a jerk! Though, I suspect that it may have to do with his fiancee/future wife. If you were very close friends and you saw a lot of each other, maybe she became jealous of you and gave her future husband some kind of ultimatum. I think it's awful for any woman to make their husband or boyfriend give up friendships in favor of a relationship, but I suspect that he may have sacrificed your friendship for his marriage. You should talk to him about it -- shoot him an e-mail saying exactly how you feel, that you're hurt, and you thought you guys were great friends, and you're really disappointed in how he is acting.
• Indonesia
15 May 07
i never though that i will call him a jerk,but in this case i think i will :)) i guess he knows already that he hurt me n i'm afraid if i send him an email n his future wife read it,it'll bring more satisfaction to her.i will act i'm ok w/it.time will heal i believe.thanks4ur support,bless u,hugs.
• United States
15 May 07
This is hard I know but my husband has always said that no guy wants to ever just be friends and I argued with him about it until I seen what he meant. I used to have a lot of guy friends and he had a lot of friends that were girls. Every single one of my "guy friends" have now tried to be with me even though they know I am married. Same with his friends that were girls. They would still try to pusue it further or invite him places and try to get him to go out with just them and I wasn't invited. I have to side for his wife on this one. You never know he may have told his wife something and she may have told him that she don't want you and him talking much less at his wedding and that is his wife and he has to respect her decisions. I had a guy friend for like 2 years before me and my husband had met and everything was fine. My husband didn't even care that I talked to him and then just about 3 weeks ago I had to tell my husband to tell him to stop sending me messages and to stop calling me because he started saying things that he wanted to be with me and so on. He just would not take a hint. Even after my husband told him to stop he still did. He hasn't wrote me for like a week and I'm glad but you have to realize that this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with not just some girl he is taking out on the town. I know if I told my husband I didn't want a certain girl at our wedding he would say ok and repect my decision just as I would for him.
• Indonesia
15 May 07
Placebo-2006 Incheon Pentaport Rock Festival - Bass guitarist Stefan Olsdal from the rock group "Placebo" performs on stage during the 2006 Incheon Pentaport Rock Festival in Incheon
but i know surely that i never did something wrong that can indicate we are more than just a friend.well,nothing i can do but accept it right..thanks for sharing your story :))
@sallyxu126 (1185)
• China
15 May 07
I am sorry to hear that , and don't too upset about that . I think he choose love ,but not friendship , its his own choice . He do the wrong thing and its his loss , he lose a good friend like you . it is a big lose for him , no matter he know it or not . don't too upset , if he don't cherish your friendship, it is not a pity for you . you only lose one who don't cherish friend but he lose a good friend of him. good luck with you.
• Indonesia
15 May 07
sally,u're so sweet :)thanks for tryin2understand my problem.
@shinjiao (1464)
• China
15 May 07
Well,I dislike his indifference.But I think he is under the pressure of his wife.No wife want to share her husband with other women,especially her husband's close friends.That's reasonalbe. I experienced a similar thing 2 weeks ago.I have a best female friend,we have known for each other for 9 years.We are classmates from middle school to high school.His girl friend is also my high school classmate,we are friends too. 2 weeks ago my friends(9 people,including he and his girlfriend) and I enjoyed our holidays in Hebei Province,I think this holiday is really great.We took plenty of pictures there and when I got back home,I received nice messages from him and her.But I was woke up by my cellphone in midnight.I received a message from his girlfriend,but to my surprised the girl sent a wrong reciever--this message should be received by him but indeed I received it.The message said that why he and me looked so closely on the photo.She said she was in doubt about their relationship. Could you imgine what's my feeling after reading this message?I was so shocked!!!A heavy hammer stroke on the heart of mine!!!! I believe that we three can keep a good friendship and honestly I'm innocent.For me,he is just my best female friend,and of course I have no special feeling to him.So how she can maliciously suspect me and her boyfriend??? I'm so upset that I cannot believe she,my friend,can do this to me.Arrrggg.So I think I can understand you.Come on my friend!I'm on your side.
• Indonesia
15 May 07
thanks :)) i think his wife and perhaps ur gf's friend are sound extremely insecure.i would say that trust is a big part of a relationship and unless i was doing something like having an affair with him which TOTALLY never cross my mind,then i see no reason why on earth he would want to call off our friendship.well,forget is the best :)) thanks again for your supportive comments!