teen daughter and boys

United States
May 15, 2007 4:50am CST
My teen is 14 ,will be 15 in August.And She has talked to a few boys, and a couple of them she has asked to go out with to see a movie or out to eat.And I haven't let her.I have asked that she has the boy over for a few hours and sit and watch tv or a movie here and let me get to know him just a little bit.So I can size him up and see if I feel that trust or if I feel the creep factor.And she refused to let them come over.She acts so private and all about these boys ,that I wonder do they have five heads or five eyes?She has said that I would embarass her ,and I promised I wouldn't.But no go yet.Why is she like this? When I had my first love,I couldn't wait til he came over, just to sit in our swing and hold my hand.Am I wrong or right with this dating thing.?
1 person likes this
15 responses
@Betso221 (1702)
• India
16 May 07
I feel there is a time when you got to send your daughter with guys out for a movie or wherever cause the guys are really smart now they are not teens enymore, There is a right age when u should send them with these guys, when you feel that your kid is big enough to go out with these kids and have some fun. This is not the rite time.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
16 May 07
I think you are right. You have the right to advice your daughter about what is wrong and right. According to her age she is not legally mature. So, she has to act upon your advice. In other word it is also good for her. That she should learn from your experience.
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@raeine (89)
• Philippines
16 May 07
you're right you must be able to get along and trust the boys who ask your daughter before you allow her to date.. i have introduced my boyfriend lately i quite feel that my mom was going to embarrass me but well she didn't.. i got nervous when she asked my boyfriend if he love me and my boyfriend answered it and all of her questions it's such a relief that she trusts us now..
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@alilswt (388)
• United States
15 May 07
it is an all new experiences for her she will get more comfortable with having boys over but just as it takes time for you to get used to it will prob. take at least 1 experience with you meeting a boy for her to be ok i suggest driving her to the movies and walking her to the boy and introducing your self to him (my mom told the first boy i dated to take care of me and smiled) if all goes well she should be relieved that it went so well and so will you then just pick her up the same way you dropped her off you have to trust in her and believe in the way you raised her give her a little room if you feel uncomfortable about the boy do not let her see him again
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@cher913 (25893)
• Canada
15 May 07
ya i hear ya...i am on the edge of the whole dating scene (my daughter turned 14 on sunday) and we won't let her date but she stands outside talking to her latest crush...it seems to be the day and age that we live in now...parents are just too embarrasing!!
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@rhinoboy (2129)
15 May 07
I don't think we can rule our children by our own expeeriences. Things move on and are surely very different now. Perhaps you could encourage her to bring a few friends over (male and female) so they can spend some time around you without it being as pressurised as a one-on-one thing. My daughter is only a baby, but I already dread the day she starts with boys. I think I'll have to put her into a convent or just scare the bejeezus out of any boy who gets near her.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 07
Well I'm a 16 year old boy and from what I can tell so far about me and if I had a gf what I would do I don't think I'd bring her home until after a few dates.My mom would embaress me so much and even though she says she wouldn't she would trust me it's called the "Parent Factor" :P
• United States
16 May 07
Sweetie, I was just saying, if you REALLY,REALLY liked a girl and wanted to take her out on a date, would you be man enough to meet her parents or in my case ,me a 1 parent family? Would you be willing to go and sit on the sofa, and speak to me like a young man and let me know you will have her home by curfew and if I wasn't comfy with you taking her out just yet, would you be happy to sit and watch movies and pop popcorn here at my home with that great girl you want to keep seeing ,just for a date of two, til I'd get the idea your a great guy.You see, a daughter to a parent is special, they are treasures we don't want to see grow up.And when we have to we want whoever has to be with them, to treat them like they are special too, and we have to see it to believe it, and that is a real Parent Factor.Just think about it all, if you ever run into a parent that wants to meet you first, do it, and smile ,just be yourself and show them politely how much you like their baby girl.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
16 May 07
Lets face it! You and your daughter are not best friends! she doesn't trust you and you don't trust her. This is sad! Why are you so untrusting? why is she? Why not spend some time with her, and get to know her better! Your not going to have another daughter like her, and she will grow up so fast! This is your fault so get used to it! Girls have been known to get pregnant just for spite! Do you want to ruin her life completely? The other alternative is to put her on the pill and kiss her good-bye....
• United States
16 May 07
We are friends,I do trust her, just not boys.And yes I do know how girls get pg. ,I did when I was 16, I got pg with her. We spend alot of time together, we have a bond, we have been through heck and back together.She has seen me beaten,and I have fought to keep her from being beaten.We have fought the right to stay together, and we have won! So no way in _ _ _ _ will I just kiss her goodbye.I just want any boy who thinks he's good enough to drive my baby anywheres to come here and ask me if he can, let me see if he is a good fellow and I trust her judgement to a point, but she is new to the scene, and I want her to learn a few things first.I truely want her to to live alittle before getting into boys and all.And she knows this and understands this.That is why she has went on dates, but chaparoned ones.With me far away but close enough to handle something that maybe she can't.We have signals if she can't handle something or just needs me, she shows this and I come to her.I have some as well.She has saved me too.So with this I ain't never going to get used to it, it's all new ,will be to the day of her having her own family.
@jurazg (409)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
15 May 07
I think you are wrong. I think you should let her decide where is she going to be with her boyfriend. If you try to control them yo will just make the situation worse. I know that you don't want your daughter to get in bad group of people, but trust her. If she says that the guy is OK, then believe her. They will be more relaxed if parents are not close. If you insist so much on meting the boy you will just make things worse. She will probably lie you that she is going to cinema with few friends so something. I recommend you to leave her alone in her love, and if she wants an advice help her.
• United States
16 May 07
I have been trusting her, but she does have a lieing problem, why she does this ,I don't know.But it isn't ok to just let her go.After all my parents did and I got pg at 16 with her.I do give her space, I have let her go to the movies with one boy, he met us at the movies and I sat outside and spoke to his mom, we left them alone, they walked to a chinese resturant aftewr the movie ,and then he and his mom brought her home, he walked her to the back door, gave a smooch and hug and I then went to the door to open it, he said good night to us both ,very nice boy, but she is wanting to go alone ,out in a car ,with a boy who is 3 yr.s older than her.She does come and ask me for advice.She does at time likes the fact that I am a young mom, being 32, I am not as old fashioned as alot of moms.But I can't get her to face it, if a boy wants to be trusted with my diamonds and gold, then he needs to try to become a friend to the parent - ME.
@pebang (2)
• Israel
17 May 07
dealing with teenagers is a battle that you can not handle on your on. you really need patieance,wisdom and a great spirit of tolerance to be able to with the battle. i like to encourage that the question you are asking is an every day affairs we see and experiince in teenagers keep showing her you love her ,there is this common saying in africa ,that what an elder sees while seating down a young man can never see while standing you need to just give your self peace,learn to table such situation to god and remind him that the baby he gave you is his property , he has to help the child ,and grant you peace ,to open the eyes of the child to see the danger of the direction she is taking. leave the burden to god and hold your peace. god is a faithfull god,just ask him and you prayers will be answer,you will be glad you deed.cheerup what is your opinion.
@Gemmygirl1 (2871)
• Australia
16 May 07
She's like this coz parents are embarrassing, you don't want your possible boyfriend to meet your Mum especially if you think your Mum will do something to embarrass you - stand in the doorway & watch, ask stupid questions, just always be around & she probably doesn't want you to bust them if they hold hands etc. I'm sure you weren't 14 when you had your first love, things have changed - parents are different these days & to be honest, i was embarrassed by my parents too - always walking in & wanting to talk to my boyfriend, asking him everything. No girl wants her parents to be like that & your daughter is probably the same. It's also not really a big thing for your parents to meet the boyfriend before they've even been out - it could ruin any chance of a relationship if the boyfriend doesn't like the parents or if the parents don't like the boyfriend. She just kinda needs to make sure she likes him enough to bring him home to meet you i think - be a little lenient with her! Maybe let them go out to have something to eat, maybe a lunch on a Saturday or something, not far from your place or have you be around but don't let her see you coz she'll just get embarrassed & wont speak to you again - LOL! Good luck!
@RedRaven (39)
• India
16 May 07
Well when i was in teenage life, my mom and dad never let me out and finally when i gain freedom studying in another town you can imagine my rowdyness.Freedom came with strange award and punishment! Try to sto that history to repeat to your kids.They might need control and guide but ignoring their instinct wants too can make them savage once they fly out of the cage.
• India
16 May 07
i think we wont considered childrens from our own exprenice.YOur exprenience is your faith. Dont think it wil happend to them as like that. Leave them to there way. If they are going in cheap way you can control them otherwise there is no need.Dont make strict restriction for the childrens give them full freedom treatment as a friend.
@Marie2473 (8523)
• Sweden
16 May 07
There was nothing wrong with the guys i hanged out with when i was a teenager and we did not do anything "forbidden" but i still did not bring them home to meet mom =) I only did that when I got older and became serious about a guy, I guess we are all different. My mom was like u, she could not understand why =) I on the other hand felt all grown up and did not want my mom to embarrass me, even though i realise now that she wouldnt have, it was just me beeing a teen =)
@maximax8 (27045)
15 May 07
I can see your concern. The boys are probably nice but your daughter feels too private to let you meet them. Teenagers like independence these days. Some of are sensible but secretive. Maybe you could let her see one of them a few times until she feels comfortable enough to invite him home to meet you? I feel sure that she would do this if she got to know him well as a friend first. My aunt didn't like any of the friends my cousin had. They had quite a clash of personalities. My cousin acted a bit wild because she was not allowed much freedom to go out with her friends. My mum thinks she should have moved areas and let my cousin make new friends. A parent wants their teenager to be safe but if they are too controlling it can have negative effect. I think the answer is to be guiding and understanding, to give flexibility and trust. However the goal is getting the teenager to be more confident that their parent cares about them without being too tough with discipline. I hope it works out well for you.