kids sharing a room

Canada
May 16, 2007 10:58am CST
i have a friend who has two kids 2 years apart. 10 and 8. they sleep in the same room and in the same double bed. they have 2 other spare rooms in the house. she wants them to be close. would you do this. i think there are other ways of getting your kids to get along and feel close to each other but i think kids are going to want a place of their own and a place to go have quiet alone time in their own rooms. would you do this. this woman also dresses her kids alike and gives them everything the same. i think she wanted twins.
12 people like this
32 responses
@stephcjh (32328)
• United States
16 May 07
Are the two kids she has the same gender? I believe if I had the room for each of them tohave their own room, then that is what I would do. I think everyone needs their own space and privacy and they have to learn to take care of their own room and be responsible. I think there are alot of other ways to get your kids to bond also. I don't think I would dress my kids the same unless that is what they had chose themselves. Maybe she did want twins.
• Canada
16 May 07
yes they are both girls. they dress the same their hair is the same, their toys are the same. she buys two of everything for each girl.
2 people like this
@KissThis (3008)
• United States
16 May 07
I have never heard of someone doing anything like this. I mean I know siblings share bedrooms I did with my sister when I was growing up. But I never heard of a parent buying their daughters matching clothes all of the time. I had a few outfits that matched my sisters but that was mainly for family photos or because we were going to a large get together and it made it easier to spot us. I have to admit that when I but toys I do try to buy most of them in sets of threes because it cuts down on the fights amongest the children. I have to agree with you it sounds like she wanted twins.
3 people like this
• United States
16 May 07
I have two girls who are 11 and 8 and they have to share a room, they each have thier own twin bed. If I had the choice I would most definitely seperate them because what you said is true, kids need thier own space. My girls get along pretty well except when it comes to their room. Being together all the time is not good for them, they don't have time to get away from each other. It seems like they are deliberately trying to puch each others' buttons, especially when they are doing something in their room together, like cleaning up. Don't get me wrong, they do have good times too. Many times I catch them being silly after the lights have gone out, you know how girls get "night-time giggle fits". I think it is best for all children to have a room of thier own whenever possible; hopefully soon we will be able to provide that for all three of our kids.
3 people like this
@ebsharer (5518)
• United States
16 May 07
I don't see any thing wrong with them being in the same room, BUT I do see some thing wrong with them sleeping in the same bed. Siblings don't have to sleep together to be close. If I were you I would have to comment to her, But comment wisely. You say that she has other bedrooms are they a mess? Maybe you could suggest helping her clean up one of rooms. See what she says. Good luck.
2 people like this
• Canada
16 May 07
no the other rooms are clean and one allready has a bed in it. she really doesn't want to seperate them.
• United States
17 May 07
If I had the extra rooms I would not make them share a bedroom. She may want it but that might not be what they want and even if they don't mind it now soon they will want their own rooms. As for dressing them the same that's kind of weird if they aren't twins but even then would you still dress 10 year or 8 year olds the same? I wouldn't.
2 people like this
@cher913 (25893)
• Canada
16 May 07
sounds like she did lol...... when my girls were younger, they shared a room and we used the other bedroom as a play room...then we had a border (a friend of the family living here) but as the girls have gotten older, they have needed their own room, just for peace n quiet and a place of their own (to decorate as their own too!) i think the 10 year old will be wanting their own room soon! btw my daughters are 10 & 14 and i wouldnt think they would want to share...they are fairly close already but have diverse interests...so i dont think its really fair to ask them to share, especially if we have the room that they dont have to.
2 people like this
@camar_lyn (1028)
• Singapore
16 May 07
Hi, my boys are 3 and 5. i didn't want twins but i try to dress them alike. i don't know why exactly. Maybe subconsciously i wanted them to be spotted at once that they are brothers? LOL But i don't do everything matchy-matchy for my 2 boys. As for the rooms, maybe she had other plans for those rooms. My boys sleep in the same room. They have bunk beds and they love it. We do have 2 spare rooms that we use for our office & study, and the other we use it as a guest room. When my parents or in laws come to stay overnight.
@micaella (396)
• Philippines
16 May 07
I think for me, Its just becoz your friend dont want to hear any argument from the girls especially asking about jealousy....thou dressing them in same kind is HORRABLE!!! Sleeping in same bed with ur kid is not really a big prob its part of bonding with your kids too, my husband and I and so my two kids loved to sleep together in our living room if we had a great time watchin tv thou they have their own rooms, but sleeping together with ur kids should not be a daily routeen they really need to have a privacy on their own space....
2 people like this
16 May 07
I have two boys 10/7. They use to sleep in the same room up until a couple of years ago. The reason I separated them was that it was getting more and more difficult to put them to sleep and my older son was getting to the point that he required his own privacy. Too much wrestling, talking, fighting, goofing off. They would go to bed later and later. Eventually my older son wanted his own space, his own desk to work at, and have his younger brother keep out of his "stuff". We went as far as buying him a locker type bed stand with an attached lock to keep his "stuff" safe. We also thought our younger boy should have his own space to find his own way/personality. Often times he would copy his older brother. We wanted him to find himself, his likes/dislikes, his own hobbies, grow into himself. It was the best decision we've made. My older son has his own "domain". His own place to think, read, share with friends. The thought of them not being close did not occur in our decision making. They remain close, best of friends but now have their own space for their own thoughts,interest/hobbies and personality. I also feel your friend should allow her kids to dress themselves and make their own clothing decisions. Unless, of course the kids wanted to wear the same clothes. That would be THEIR decision. It's time to step back.
2 people like this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
16 May 07
First of all, I am glad to hear that they are the same gender. When they were little or on special occasions, dressing them alike would be cute, but not on a daily basis. I think that these kids would probably like to be seen as an individual and the mother is preventing this. I agree with you that they should have seperate rooms~ or even seperate beds! Kids need their own space to go and chill out. The girls are probably really close right now, but wait till the teen years hit the older one and she has a little sister in her way.
2 people like this
• India
16 May 07
Its a very nice thing to do as it will increase the bonding between two of them and none of them will feel neglected by getting the same importance
2 people like this
@creematee (2810)
• United States
16 May 07
I don't see anything wrong with the girls sharing a room. Yes, they will become close, and studies have shown that kids sharing a room learn to share other things better when they are grown up and leave the house. They will learn to deal with college roommates better, and even a spouse! Now, that is just my humble opinion. As far as dressing them the same and giving them like toys... that's going a bit too far. they need to have some individuality. Even if they were twins, they can't do that 100% all the time! YIKES
2 people like this
@carlaabt (3506)
• United States
16 May 07
I think that if I have kids close together in age, I will have them share a room when they are small. They will each have their own beds, though. We've been looking at houses. We're thinking about getting a 3 bedroom, but because we live so far from home, we would probably leave the third room set up as a guest room. So if we had another baby, he or she would be rooming with Elliott for a while. I think it's fine. I shared a room with my little sister until I was in high school. We are closer than any other siblings I know. We live 1000 miles apart, but we still talk at least 5 days a week. Usually everyday. We did fight when we were kids, but we don't anymore.
2 people like this
@diillu (5128)
16 May 07
i think this totally works if not then it at least worked for me and my sister. My mum placed us together in a same room just like your friend did..but we have two beds in a room..but she didn't give us same clother and all..LOL..yea seems like she wanted a twin instead.And they must look like twins in same clothes.. The reason for mum to place us in same room was that...being together we wouldn't be scared to sleep at night..and we got along..but when we grow up mum gave us separate room. But it helped alot on being so close...
• United States
16 May 07
Are the kids complaining? I don't see a problem with sharing rooms. Quite a few families, including mine, don't have a choice. I think they're more likely to balk at being dressed alike than having to share a room. My girls would.
1 person likes this
• Canada
17 May 07
i'm not really saying it's bad to share a room. i'm just thinking if they have the space and want to be seperated the mom still won't seperate them just because she wants them together. and the sharing the same bed is a little much to me.
• United States
17 May 07
Do the kids want separate rooms? If they were mine, I'd let them make the decision. (I'd let them choose their own clothes, too). But it's possible they are happy sharing.
@Ravenladyj (22940)
• United States
17 May 07
Okay I was all for it for the first couple of sentences simply becuase my kids (my daughter is 12 and my son is 13 1/2) like to share a room and I have no problem with that...They each have their own room mind you but sometimes she'll take her mattress into his room and other times he'll take his into hers and even other times still they'll both drag them into my room LOL..I know WHY they are like that and I understand it so its not an issue for me at all and I actually think its been good for them due to the reasons behind it.... then I read the rest of the post adn the whole dressing them the same and giving them the same things seems odd to me...I mean even if i had twins I wouldnt do that because they are still individuals ya know..so the fact that they ARENT twins and she's doing that...that seems really odd to me and in all honesty, damaging possibly too.....She isnt recognizing their individuality and thats never a good thing IMO...
1 person likes this
@fengbo (731)
• China
17 May 07
everyone needs enough space especially kids,they are in leading strings.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 May 07
I don't find anything wrong with this. If the girls don't mind sharing a space it's not a problem. Now if they were able to have their own room it they desired. Then she still had them sleep together. This would be where the problem would begin. I have 2 bedrooms myself and one daughter. Then we also have Megan. I have a big living room with a long couch and on the other wall is a twin mattress stacked like a day bed. I sleep on the bed,karisma sleeps on a mattress and Megan sleeps one th couch. No one sleeps in the full size bed. This is because they all want to be close to me. The girls are sisters they may not mind the close ness. Your friend is keeping her family close as well.
1 person likes this
@natalie1981 (2000)
• Singapore
17 May 07
I've always shared a room with my sister. I think it's because with eight children. I don't think we would have a big enough house for each of house to have our own rooms. And yes, me and my sister are a lot closer to each other. We always talk and comfort each other. But I don't think this is the only solution for your kids to be close. I have a friend who shares a room with her sister but they HATE each others guts. They wouldn't even acknowledge each other as sisters. So I think that there are other ways for your kids to be close...Oh, and never show them that you're favoring one over the other because that would definitely create some rivalry between them.
@anonymili (3138)
17 May 07
When I was growing up, I shared a room with my younger brother until I was about 8 and he was 4, after that my parents could afford a 3 bedroomed house so we had our own rooms and always did after that. I don't think it's good to force kids to share a room when you have other rooms available, it doesn't really achieve ANYTHING. Your friend has other rooms spare so I can't see why she doesn't put one of them in there. Unless she can't face the prospect of tidying up another room? I don't really get it. :)