Do you talk about the good things or the bad things in your life??

@vega83 (6342)
Bahrain
May 16, 2007 12:57pm CST
Complain, complain, complain, that's all some people like to do. It's almost like if you take that away, they'd have nothing to talk about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining here, I'm just trying to figure out what makes people talk and focus on only the bad things in their life, when they can talk just as much about the good in their lives. i think it's almost like people bond over grief, I guess. I just like to talk about good things, or have a discussion about "nothing", just like that Seinfeld, "nothing". I think complaining and carrying on about it, especially if a situation cannot be solved is just pointless. Of course I'm all for talking about issues and sorting them out, but sometimes it's like some people make a habit out of it, and it becomes their sole topic of conversation, even though there might be a lot of good things going on in their lives. It's weird, but that's the way it is. So what kind are you? Do you like to talk about the good things in your life? Or do you focus on the bad?
8 people like this
39 responses
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
16 May 07
Many times the bad things come as a result of people feeling like victims. There is great bonding with victimhood. Everybody can complain in the same manner about how they have been wronged. Thus, they don't have to accept responsibility for their lives. This is very common. I have given up that mentality altogether. I only want to focus on the good things and not let the bad things create the feeling that it is someone elses fault. Yes, there are times for complaining, mainly when the service does not equal the cost or vice-versa. But complaining about life in general does nothing to help improve it.
3 people like this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
27 May 07
I like your answer. It is true, people really leave don't think twice before victimizing themselves, how they've been wronged and how they've been victimized. In most cases, especially in relationship conversations, I've found that if I go into the whole topic a little deeper, there's usually no victims, but hurtful acts from both sides, but that's just an example. I guess if we give all the bad things in our life so much importance, we just magnify their impact on us emotionally and that's not not good for anyone. It's almost like giving control to the negativity in your life, and being governed by it. And like you I believe that if complaining won't improve anything, then don't do it.
• India
16 May 07
Well i usually never talk about the bad things in my life. If there is anything good going on in my life i mention it but i still dont make a big deal out of it.
2 people like this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
16 May 07
I'm kind of the same, I mean I have nothing against people who would like to open up to me about something bad in their lives, but for me it does good to have a short memory span on the bad things and remembering all the good in my life.
1 person likes this
17 May 07
intelligent mans don't talk bad thing in their mind, you might hear some sweet words and that good for your feeling,,,
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
I agree with you
• Philippines
16 May 07
when i talk about my life, i talk about both the good things and the bad things that has happened to me and to the family. these two things are entertwined and there is no way that these two can ever be separated. just as the good times are appreciated because there are bad times, too. without the other how will you be able to appreciate one?
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
16 May 07
You made a really good point, one cannot exist without the other. If you wanna know what wet feels like you gotta know what dry feels like too. But I'm talking about compulsive complainers, and you don't sound like one to me. I mean sure, talk about good times and bad, but don't overdo the bad, that's what I meant...
1 person likes this
16 May 07
I fidn that a lot of people in this country seem to just talk about negative things all the time and spend a lot of time complaining. I find it ubs off on me too and before I know it I'm moaning as well and have got myself into a really bad mood. I much prefer a nice happy positive conversation but they seem really rare these days.
2 people like this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
16 May 07
Yeah, I guess you understood what I was talking about, venting is a completely different thing, and complaining is in a whole other league. Sometimes stuff like that does rub off on us, but thank God for my short memory span, I always seem to remember the good stuff and hardly ever remember the bad. And I still don't let the moaning become a habit of mine, no way.... Sometimes my friends ask me, doesn't anything go wrong in your life? I say, of course it does, it's impossible not to happen. I just don't see the point in talking about it, and making it a big deal...
1 person likes this
• India
16 May 07
Somebody wise once said thus: "If you want to talk, talk about yourself, or talk about God. The former leads to self-awareness while the latter leads to divine awareness. Talking about anything else is a waste of time." While I can't say that I subscribe completely to this thought, there is a lot of sense to it. There is no point in talking about the good things that are happening to you. People either think that you are boasting about yourself, or they just feel that you are trying to make them jealous. Worse, they might actually become jealous!!!! Neither do I believe in talking about all the bad things that have happened to me. Everyone has their own share of woes and I really hate to add to it, unless I'm feeling really down and am looking for a shoulder to lean on or a patient ear.
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
27 May 07
Well, I guess since life is a mixture of ups and downs, it's only logical that our conversations would be filled with both good and bad things. But I'm mainly talking about the compulsive complainers, who seem to enjoy talking about every itty bitty little thing that's going wrong instead of concentrating on the better things in life. Complaining is just a waste of time. And talking about good things doesn't have to be boasting or showing off, not always.
@alpine_007 (1469)
• Pakistan
16 May 07
i talk about both the things good and bad which are happening in my life
2 people like this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
27 May 07
Well, that's pretty straight forward and to the point.
@annieroos (1845)
• United States
16 May 07
I love to talk about the good things in my life.. but sometimes it just helps to talk about the bad things.. Like venting or just wanting to talk about it.. I don't dwell on the bad.. sometimes its just good to talk about it.. I will not just put it out there to just anyone usually if i have to, its someone i know a good friend or family.. other then that i keep it to myself.. As far as the good stuff i will put it out there cause talking about great things make me happy.. Just like me becoming a grandma again in July.. Yay.. and its another girl.. :)
2 people like this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
16 May 07
oh wow, congratulations.... grammy!! Hope you don't mind me calling you grams, why would you, you love it... Yeah, I do understand what you mean, about venting, but some people don't just talk about bad things to vent, fine, you can vent talking to a best friend, but it's different when people keep repeating the same sob story over and over again, even if it's way in the past. It's amazing how much bad stuff people choose to remember, and none of the good. Congrats, again...
1 person likes this
@Dumpertaker (1187)
1 Jun 07
I will not talk about the negative unless I can turn it into a positive. for example, my father had done some no so nice things to me when I was a child, but I turn my experiences into support for others who have been abused, I can listen and sometimes understand what they have been through. That aside, talk about the good, bring sunshine into other's lives...it is a good deed for the day.
1 person likes this
8 Jun 07
Also, it means a good thing comes from something bad...bonus!
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
1 Jun 07
yeah, bringing sunshine into other's live, that brings sunshine into our lives too.
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
8 Jun 07
Yeah, double bonus! 8]
@lols189 (4742)
30 Jul 07
i like to talk about the good things in my life as it is better to leave the bad things behind and forget about them
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
31 Jul 07
Yeah, forget them and move on. That's exactly what I say too.
@nowment (1757)
• United States
21 May 07
It does seem as if many people only can talk about the negative things, or if they are trying to be amusing do so about the mocking things. For some it is a way of getting attention, that whole people giving sympathy thing. For some reason we don't tend to hang out and rejoice with the people around us, we are so busy with what ever might be going on in our own lives, and then when something is going wrong people give us some kind of attention, and so people begin to form a pattern of woe is me, or complain about the bad things, since it is something many have in common, and so people focus on that. Some times it is due the the 'excitement' of the bad things. Look at the news, they create a sensationalism over tragedies, but rarely do you see people creating a sensation over something positive. I have heard people say why complain no one will listen, yet it often seems as if with out the negative things going on in their lives creating the dramas, they really don't seem to have anything going on. Ok so maybe there is more to discuss if you go on and on about how unfair or unjust, or how wronged you have been, when the discussion of I won ten dollars on a scratch off ticket, ends with that comment. It seems almost as if people are conditioned to discuss what is wrong. How often do parents send their kids out to play, or kids bring home some kind of picture, or school work and parents spend 5 minutes telling how good it is. But when a kid does something wrong, then parents spend hours either talking it over with them, or giving them some kind of attention that lasts longer over the less than positive things happening in their lives. It seems were being taught from childhood that the negative whether it is being bad, or something going wrong, to upset us or make us angry or sad is what is going to get us the attention we crave from other people. It would be an interesting experiement to both watch and count how many times your friends discuss something negative or positive, and to then only on your part discuss positive things go a week, or heck even a day with out complaining about anything. When I got involved with the man I am with now, I made a point of keeping a list of the things he did during each day that I appreciated about him, and then telling him at some point like every couple of days, or once a week, sometimes it was the small things, sometimes there were bigger gestures, but if you look for the good you can find it. It kept our relationship from being about what was wrong, and focusing on what was right with it. so that when there was something we needed to talk about working on together, we had a lot of positive to really balance it out and make the effort worth while.
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
29 May 07
Well, when you started telling me about that guy, I thought you were gonna say that all he did was complain. But I was wronged. Now that's a smart individual. I guess in conversations where complaining is the main subject, you don't really get to know a person at all, except maybe, that he/she is a complainer. It's only in topics not relating to us, but, say, a bigger picture, and our individual takes on that, is when we get to see and know what a person is really like. And those conversations are so refreshing and insightful. So, sounds like you did have a good time there. That's cool!
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
27 May 07
Yeah, now that's the way to do it. Especially in a relationship. People do tend to bond over the whole sympathy thing, but unfortunately that makes people like me to look like the insensitive type, ha ha, especially since I don't hold back on my honest opinions when people complain to me. I always end up telling them, there are people around the world who don't have the basic necessities of life, and you're complaining about how your boyfriend didn't notice your new haircut. It's absurd. Funnily enough, those people don't really talk to me much now, they do still talk but it's like their main topic of conversation, "things that are bad with my life" isn't an option any more, so they do have to make a more serious attempt at trying to make regular conversations.
@nowment (1757)
• United States
28 May 07
I understand what you are saying about regular conversations and how some do not have something to say if they don't have something to either complain about, or bad mouth or mock others. We were at a bbq over the weekend, and there is a guy there who is currently unemployed and looking for a new job, he is 28, sharing expenses with a roomate for his apartment because funds are so tight, etc, he had wanted to be settled and have kids in his life by now, but instead he is divorced. But that is not what we talked about if any of those topics were mentioned they were done so in passing. Instead we spent hours talking about spirituality, religion, philosophy, history, and mythology. I wasn't there to complain about what I might have had issues with in my life, nor was he, it was a party we went to have a good time. Once we discovered that we both had read so many similar topics the conversation just flowed. It was so great to be around a group of people who were laughing about just having a good time, and talking about something other than what is wrong with life and the world.
1 person likes this
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
6 Jul 07
I try to focus on the good in my life. I will admit I have been known to complain and whine at times, but I think we all do it once in a while. I dread getting old though. Every single old person (60+) that I know talks about one thing all day long with anyone who will listen and that is their medical problems. Let me tell you, there are some things I could have gone my entire life not knowing. My granny and mother in law talk about their health problems all the time. I swear sometimes it's like they are having a contest to see who can come up with the most health issues. Then they start comparing their medicines and the dosage amounts. It can drive a person nuts. I am going to make my son promise that if I ever start doing that, to bop me a good one on the head. :)
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
6 Jul 07
ha ha, yeah, I guess old ones are same everywhere, they do talk about their medical problems all the time, even if they don't mean to complain about them. I guess they know a lot about medicine when they grow older, at least as much as any general physician would know, ha ha
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
6 Jul 07
I use to be very negative and did not understand why my sister would rag on me, now I know. It is draining being around people who constantly complain about everything. I know someone who always finds a reason to complain no matter how good the circumstances are.
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
6 Jul 07
Yeah, it can be draining, and pretty soon if you're around a complainer for a long time, chances are you won't feel so good about your life either. I try to rub off on people in the opposite way, whenever someone starts to complain, I show them the bright side in whatever it is, and then the complaining becomes less and less, until it becomes non-existent, and then you'll find us, having a laugh about nothing.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
9 Jun 07
Yes I know those kinds of people you were describing, and I called those "mourning people". I have a friend like that and all she does is just focusing on every single bad things about her life and most of the time we find that the bad things don't really seem so bad. To be frank, I am tired of talking to her sometimes and I don't want to hang around with people with so much negative thoughts on their heads. I myself would rather focus on the goodies happen in life or basically non-sense laughable stuff. I do talk about bad things in my life with my friends but after I finish the stories, I would turn them into jokes that me and my friends could laugh off and move onto the next topics. I do think daily life maintenance is hard enough and we should all focus on the positive things happen in our lives, just to make us feel easier.
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
11 Jun 07
I would prefer to have silly funny discussions too, and it's always better to surround yourself with good positive people to maintain that positivity in your life.
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
10 Jun 07
Yeah, sometimes these "mourning people" as you put it, can really drag you down with them...it does get boring after a while listening to their same old problems that are really not problems.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
11 Jun 07
Right and to be frank, I would prefer to listen to non-sense or happy stuff most of the time. Sometimes they mention their problems and it really bothers me and my day. I prefer to be with happy/ positive people more.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
sometimes..when i'm down i use to complain..but when i'm finish complaining i realize that it's not worth it..i just to accept it and move on.. but most of the time i talk about the good things in my life. :)
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
6 Jul 07
Yeah, it's not worth complaining about things. All it does is make you feel worse and just hold on to the bad stuff, it's better to just move on and forget about it.
@sukumar794 (5040)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
10 Jun 07
I would talk about both ..but find that bad things have an edge over the good ones , Good things are very few whereas bad ones are in plenty .
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
10 Jun 07
Yeah, but talking about the bad stuff just keeps it fresh, it's better to just move on..
@golfproo (1839)
• Canada
9 Jun 07
This is a difficult question for me to answer. I think that I certainly was one of those people who always concentrated on the bad. That typically makes other people not want to be around you. I have changed my ways so to speak and am trying only to focus on the positive things in life. Life is much better this way. cheers,
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
10 Jun 07
Yeah, life is better not just for people around you but also for yourself, if you focus on the positive you would feel better too.
@sandwedge (1339)
• Malaysia
10 Jun 07
i talk about good things. the bad things that happens, i will deal with it then not talk about it again. why bother filling our life with bad things. talking about them reminding us about it isn't helping.
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
10 Jun 07
yeah, deal with it and move on, that's the way to go. Talking about it just keeps the wound fresh and doesn't let it heal..
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
it's but natural to talk about the bad things that happen to us but it would not really make us feel good (though some people believe that talking about it would make us feel better). personally, i like to talk about the good things in my life because i believe that by sharing them to other people i could somehow make them feel good and help them see the better things in life.
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
10 Jun 07
Well talking about bad things only helps if you talk to a good friend about finding some solution or if you just need to get it out of your system, but constantly talking about it can be destructive..
• India
10 Jun 07
wel i thnk ppl complain because thy r trying to take out their frustration. wen evr somthng bad hppns ppl feel victimised n become frustrated as y it is hppning to us only n by complaining i feel thy r venting out their frustration. evn i complain somtimes wen i m feeling miserable but mst of the times i try to remain positve abt the hppnings in my life.
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
10 Jun 07
Sure, that's okay once, if you talk it over with a good friend, just to get it out of your system, but some people can make a habit of complaining and that's not cool..
@nhea0327 (20)
• Las Pinas City, Philippines
6 Jul 07
I'm sure a person would rather talk about the good things in his/her life. But, what we don't know is that these good things are results of the bad things that has happened to us. Bad things are like test or exams. What we don't know at first .....we are obliged to know at the end. We tend to remember them somehow by not repeating the bad things that has happened to us in the past. As a result, we get good results. It's not about focusing on the bad stuff...it's just by being able to recover and stand up despite of the bad things you've experienced. Be proud of the bad...for it's made u a stronger and better person as you are now. Keep it cool... Life is so much wonderful ...looking at the bad stuff as an object for success. For example:
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6342)
• Bahrain
6 Jul 07
Yeah, I know what you mean, bad stuff is a part of life, but it's not life itself, you learn from the bad stuff, but don't really achieve much by hanging on to it, but only hanging on to the lesson you got from that particular bad thing. I know, without bad, good wouldn't really be so "good", but talking about the bad too much gives it power to take over your life, and that's not good.