Other siblings in the closet

@kitkat1 (1227)
Canada
May 17, 2007 12:10am CST
If you have a child with someone and you do not stay together and that person has children with someone else do you tell that child about the other siblings that they have? I know of cases where the children never new that they had other brothers and sisters and some even ended up marrying them because of the parents silence only to find out after the fact and that is tragic. Do you know of this to happen and how would you feel if this happened to you? How would you feel about your parents for keeping you in the dark about it?
2 people like this
7 responses
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
17 May 07
I would tell my daughter if her dad had kids with someone else. They would be her half- sister/brother- I would want her to know and be able to see them. I do not know anyone who is in this case- I would think that the correct thing to do would be tell them. Wouldn’t they know anyway- as long as they knew who their dad was- they would know if he had more kids? I can’t imagine finding out my sig. other was my brother- YUK! That is terrible!
• Canada
17 May 07
I believe its wrong to keep children in the dark of other siblings they have. When they are old enough to understand tell them of their "lost" siblings and then let the children make the decision if they want to meet the "lost" sibling or not.
1 person likes this
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
17 May 07
I can't understand why you wouldn't enlighten your children as to all their siblings existences. What reasons could you possibly have not to? Even if their Dad (or mother) does not want anything more to do with them, it is wise to tell children the truth, as lies always come out in the end.
1 person likes this
@Lifez2short (4969)
• United States
17 May 07
My kids have 2 older sisters from my husbands previews relationship. And yes they know about them. They have come over to our house plenty of times and I'm sure my kids love them just as much as they love each other. I dont think it is a good idea to keep them from knowing the siblings.
1 person likes this
@KissThis (3006)
• United States
17 May 07
My parents had a total of nine children. My dad had one before he got together with my mom. My mom had two before my dad. They had six children together. They made sure we all knew about one another. My two sons are adopted. I have been honest witht them about this from the start. Their biological parents each had two other children with someone else. So in reality my sons have four other siblings. They all know about one another. My sons visit with two of the four. The other two are in to some things that I don't want my boys to be around. As a aprent I don't believe in lieing to my children about anything. A nice open relationship works well for us.
1 person likes this
@youdontsay (3503)
• United States
17 May 07
I imagine it would depend on the circumstances. I'd wonder why the past relationship was kept as a secret and that reason would help determine if the children would know. But I think eventually it would be important for them to have the opportunity to know each other if it did no harm to those involved. This could be imporant not only for emotional reasons but also for health reasons. Someday they might need to find a matching organ donor or to know the medical history of the other to know their own health risks.
@tinamwhite (3255)
• United States
17 May 07
I guess that would depend upon the child's relationship with the missing parent, for me, at least while they were young....if the missing parent was active in the childs life and they were going to be around the sibling...then of course, I would explain it to them......if not, I would wait until they were old enough to understand and then yes, I would tell them....I see nothing to be gained by not telling them and lots to be risked if they found out in another way....like their trust in you! If you are experiencing this...then it will be a difficult decision....and one that you will have to make and live with the consequences of your decision.. Good luck!! I am sure you will decide the best thing for your child...