Before My Husband...

My Daughter and I  - This was taken in Oklahoma a few weeks ago when we went on vacation.
United States
May 18, 2007 8:01pm CST
Kayla is my oldest daughter. She's two. Before I met my husband, and I was with Kayla's biological (sperm donor, as I'd like to call him) father, things weren't very good. Kayla was barely three months old, and he was working out of state. He wouldn't send me enough money to pay the bills, so in the middle of february, my gas got shut off. No heat, no hot water. I was heating water up in the microwave to give her, and myself baths everyday. When he got fired from his job, and came back, I went back to work. His family thought I should stay home with my daughter, so when I went back to work, they refused to watch her. I ended up having to take my three month old daughter to work with me nearly everyday, because my mom lived so far away, she could only watch her once a week. I left soon after. I've been with my husband since Kayla was 5 months old. She is her daddy. Her biological father hasn't seen or talked to her since I left. My husband is currently trying to adopt Kayla, but since my ex went to jail for not paying his child support, he's angry, and may contest the adoption, we may be in for a long fight. Since he's made one child support payment (IN TWO YEARS!), my attorney has to ask his permission. Which, in my opinion, is ridiculous. Before my husband, my daughter and I had it rough. I had her out of wedlock, and I'm not ashamed of that. My only question is how such a beautiful little girl came from such an ugly, hateful man. I guess he was able to do one thing right.
2 responses
@patgalca (14309)
• Orangeville, Ontario
19 May 07
Same story, different twist. LOL! I was pregnant but not sure who the father was. The one that turned out to be the bio dad left me while I was still pregnant, the other guy hung in there as a friend until we could find out the results. He was there for me during childbirth. When we got the results he was hurt and I didn't see him for awhile. In the meantime I had to take bio dad to court for child support. He denied paternity and the court ordered him to take a paternity test. He didn't do it and the court ordered him again. Then he wanted to argue with the 99.5%, or whatever it was. Anyway, I started getting child support after that but he was never a part of my daughter's life. In fact he only saw her once as a baby. Then the other guy came back into my life when my daughter was a year old (her first birthday actually). He saw a different me as a single working mother and we got into a relationship again. Then we had a child together. Bio dad came waltzing in and asked my fiancee to adopt my daughter so he wouldn't have to pay child support anymore. People warned me not to let him adopt her until we actually got married because you never know what could happen. But both guys wanted it done right away so we did it. We'll be married 10 years this summer. My oldest daughter believes her Dad is her biological father. We know we have to tell her the truth at some point but sometimes I wonder why. My husband forgets that she is not biologically his. There are pictures of him holding her in the hospital when she was born. Why is there a need to tell her except for the fact that we may be deceiving her? Telling my daughter the truth would be telling her what a fool I was for a short period of time. She would also learn that she has 3 half sisters out there somewhere and open a whole can of worms. I know bio dad doesn't see his other three daughters either. Can you say "loser"? Good thing my daughter looks like me. *grin* Good luck to you. I hope you get what you want for your daughter's sake as well as your husband's. He sounds like a great man.
@mama4kids (690)
• United States
19 May 07
your story sounds so much like mine!! i had my daughter before i met my husband. i wasnt married to her father. i call him the sperm donor too..lol. we were only together for a short time and i left him and the state we were living in when i was only three months pregnant. i met my husband when my daughter was 3 yrs old. we got married when she was 4 and we had our first child together when she was 6. then a year later, we had another child. then a year later, we had yet another child. so now i have a total of four. my husband treats my daughter as if she is his. he has never acted any other way. he is truely her father in all ways that matter. she calls her biological father her father and my husband her dad. she has an awesome relationship with him and there really was never any competition or jealousy since having the three boys. she has only met her father once and she doesnt remember as she was not even two years old. he calls her maybe once a month or less and just recently i started getting child support regularly. and not enough to raise a child i might add. when i got married, i asked him to sign away his rights so that my hubby could adopt her but i told her father that he can still be a part of her life and i wouldnt have it any other way, unless she decided she didnt want to be a part of his life. he told me no way. we fought about it that one time and i dropped it. i dont want to be the one that takes her out of his life. she is starting to see his true colors and that has to come from her and no one else. she has to be the one to tell him where to go..lol. i wish you luck. i hope it all works out for you guys. it is so great that your husband sounds like mine in the respect that he loves your daughter as his own. that is going to prove to be so important in her life when she gets older and starts to see that it was a great thing that he did, taking on a daughter from another man. i am glad that you found someone like that. i hope it all works out to your liking!!