How Long would you put up with this,Your husband coming home late or not at all?

United States
May 19, 2007 4:17pm CST
My husband owns his own Business and sets his own hours. He leaves the house no later that 8:00 am. He does Auto Glass for a living and it takes him about 45 minutes to an hour to do one. For months he has been coming home after 10:00pm at night, It gets dark here now at around 6:30 pm. 10:00 is the earliest! Sometimes he doesn't make an appearence until 11:00, 12:00 am? I told him No more and the nigh before last he walked in at 12:30am. I wouldn't talk to him and while I usually have his dinner waiting for him, That night I gave his to the dogs and went to bed. He only called me once yesterday. And he just yelled at me like I am the one who is in trouble. He left me no cash so I couldn't even go to the store. Also he never showed up I made dinner, Got m7y son ready for bed, watched 2 movies, so on...... I tried calling his cell for hours... He never answered. Then I finally fell asleep at 3:00am. I woke up this morning and found his asleep in my sons bed. I had a Voicemail on the house phone that said he his work Van had broke down and he worked on it for hours and finally fell asleep in it on the side of the freeway. Now according to him he slept all night in the van but, he is still asleep now and its 2:15 in the afternoon here! What would you do? What should I do? I wanna kick hiss a$$!
6 people like this
20 responses
@limcyjain (3516)
• India
19 May 07
If your husband owns a business then according to me there are no working hours of business. One may need to work too late in the night too to fulfil demands relating to pending orders or quality matters. I think you should check up if he is facing any such problem and if this is true you should be acting in support of him. If there is no reason for his being late then i think you need to talk it out with him neat and clear that these things are not tolerable and that you mean business. INvolve your children in this process too if you think it appropriate. Let them question too why he is late and that they miss him.
2 people like this
@missbaba (10)
• United States
19 May 07
do you believe that he working and fooling around?
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157050)
• United States
19 May 07
Do his paychecks reflect the hours he is supposed to be putting in? Some men love their jobs, or love their families so much they end up neglecting them, thinking that they are providing well. I would have a nice long talk, zeroing in on exactly what you want to change. I would also ask that he make specific time for me and for our son. I would make sure that I had some mad money stashed, so that if either of you is mad, the other still can get the basic necessities. I like the old Ann Landers question: "Would I be better off without him?" If not, you need to both of your work on fixing this, if not for yourselves then for your son.
2 people like this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
19 May 07
I would say that you have a problem, and as how to solve it, it is going to take both of you to get together and sort out what is going on. It appears that both of you are walking around in the dark. so first try to get a bit of light on the situation and deal with it from there, right now you are fighting shadows. Before making demands I would make requests, their much easier to take, and work with. Also you both need to be interested in making this relationship work, so perhaps that might be your first question. This will take work and effort to solve, and only you know what the consequences of a break up will be. so I would personally try to resolve the problems , but that is only my opinion, and you need to have your own. Best of luck.
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
19 May 07
Is he self employed? I'm curious because I deal with a lot of auto glass companies through my insurance agency and it is usually hell to get a hold of any of them past 6pm! I hate to say it but it sounds to me like there is a little more going on. For him to be angry at you is typical behavior of someone who is trying to hide something and is trying to take the focus off the actual issue. Maybe you need to find some time when your child is not around so you can have a talk. Good luck to you!
1 person likes this
@QnAQueen (555)
• United States
20 May 07
i totally agree with you, soccermom! the husband is dispalying pretty suspicious behavior, if you ask me...if he is the one who is always trhying to look angry, i think he is trying to pass blame because he is guilty about something and feels that you may be onto him! this is very suspicious...besides, regardless of what type of business you are in, unless you specifically have to service the night shift to deliver your service, will make you work all hours or the night or day?
2 people like this
@4cuteboys (4099)
• United States
19 May 07
That sounds pretty fishy to me, but since i'm not in your house I can't really make judgements for sure. I know that I would be totally paranoid about it though. It sounds like he has an awful lot of excuses. And if he is refusing to talk to you about it and turns it around on you, it seems as though there is a big problem. I wouldn't put up with it. If he refuses to communicate and refuses to come home, I would leave. At least for a couple of weeks. Do you have friends or a parent you guys can stay with? Like a mini vacation, unless he is still acting up, then I would make it permanant. Good luck to you, I hope you make whatever decision is best for you and your son.
1 person likes this
@4cuteboys (4099)
• United States
20 May 07
I meant to ask, how many kids do you have? Is it just the 7 year old? Do they seem to have any idea with what's going on?
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 07
Something sounds fishy and I wouldn't put up with it. No job is worth putting in that many hours, if that's what he's really doing. I'd be checking under his nails for grease. I'd be looking in his cell phone for strange numbers & calls, or even text messages. Usually when something fowl is going on, the person forgets and leaves a trail because they're to worried about getting caught in their wrong doings. It sounds like he didn't sleep a wink, and why did he feel the need to get in your son's bed? I don't blame you for being upset. Good luck! I hope you get the matter resolved.
@lisado (1227)
• United States
20 May 07
It sounds to me like something else is going on. He could be cheating or for some reason just doesn't want to come home? He knows it's going to upset you by not coming home, but he is chosing to do so, anyway. Whatever his deal is, I wouldn't tolerate it. It's great that he has his own business and is trying to earn money, but there is no way he is tinting windows that late into the evening. I might even buy the story about his van breaking down if it was a one time thing. Also, if he had a cell, there was no reason he couldn't call you earlier and let you know what was going on. Him not even answering his phone is off. I'd sit him down and calmly ask what is going on. If you show anger, he isn't going to open up. He'll just be on the defensive and you won't get any answers. There HAS to be a reason he isn't coming home. You might have to just take your son and go stay at a friend's house for the night. Don't tell him you are going or where you are going. Let him wonder for a while where you are. Maybe it will wake him up. A married man has no reason to be out late like that with no alibi and no valid reason. My husband did that once (we went to the bar with his friends and didn't tell me) and I raised major hell. It never happened again. It's common courtesy to call and let you know if he is going to be late and when he'll be home. It's part of being a family. Good luck! I hope you are able to get things worked out!
• United States
24 May 07
I am sorry to hear that on top of your recent problems with the dogs attacking your son you are now faced with this. There is one way to find out the truth, if you really really want to know. Go to his work and see what he is doing. I have done this to my own husband before and caught him in lies. It is up to you what you do with your findings.
• Canada
19 May 07
I hate to be the one to ask but everyone is by-passing it... Is there a chance he is cheating? Is there any way to tell if he really is working late? or using it as an excuse? I hate to say it but sounds like an affair
1 person likes this
@dramaqn (1990)
• United States
19 May 07
Well, I can certainly undrstand what you are going through. Myself, I just usually follow my instincts and I don't put up with too much before I go looking for him. But I have a little anger problem. But I'm never wrong. And one time I just had one of my friends follow him in a car he didn't know. I hate liars, and so my whole thing is catching him in a lie. Other than that are you having any other problems? Unfortunately some men aren't too smart when it comes to lying, but if you don't pay attention, you'll never catch him in it. They give clues that they are telling a lie without even realizing it. Do you think you may need to hire and investigator? I hope you get this worked out, because this is a very hurtful thing to go through.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 07
I would love to see some guys respond to this one.
• United States
20 May 07
Ouch, sounds like there is a major problem, but talk it over...... Is he going to a bar before he comes home or something? He certainly sounds like he has enough time away from home to be having an affair. Ask him if he is and tell him why you are wondering. Maybe he is doing paperwork or something else. I hope for your sake and your son's this isn't what it appears. Good Luck.
• United States
20 May 07
Hey hun, very sorry your going through this. My suggestion to you is to scare him. He knows your going to put up with it and that you wont go anywhere so he can pretty much do what he wants with his only reprocussion being no food or getting yelled at. If I was you, I would scare him, leave for a few days, tell him your done, trust me, if you do that and dont give in and if he calls, dont answer..he will be begging for you to come back and he will change. Demand change or your gone, thats what I had to do!
@meljessxena (2315)
• Australia
20 May 07
i think you really need to sit down with him and talk to him especially expressing your feelings. by the sounds of it, sorry but i think he may be betraying you, why would he come home and sleep in his son bed, the last guy i know who did that was my best friend partner and it was because he felt guilty.
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
20 May 07
Wow- this sucks! Could he be out with his buddies instead of working late? Is he bringing home alot of money- to show for all the late nights? The only way to know is to talk about it- but to do this you need to calm down- and sit down and talk- Don't get angry at him- try to stay calm. He will probably not yell at you if you are both calm. Tell him that he can't work this late anymore- Perhaps there is something else going on- I wouldn't jump to conclusions- but throw it out there? Good luck!
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
20 May 07
I wouldn't put up with it at all. I think something else is going on behind all of this and I wouldn't be surprised if he is playing the field, but until you confront him about his late nights, you won't know that for sure.
• United States
19 May 07
Sigh.. that's one of the things i feared the most If I did still try to continue the marriage that I had... I don't want to stay in relationship that I feel so all alone. One of the reasons why we marry is the thought that we love and will have a better half. And in your case you've already married long for you already have a kid? Hmmm.. Please talk to him in a the most modest way you know (that was myself and my ex's fault bfor, we married so immatured though, now we separated but I have no regrets). Have an honest and open communication with him even if it's already so difficult to do, if you don't want the situation to turn worst. Also let your husband realize what he is doing. Good luck!
• United States
20 May 07
Absolutely not. Not to sound harsh but are you sure he isn't having an affair? My husband works alot too but he never leaves me stranded without cash. Never doesn't come home. Never doesn't return or answer calls. He'd better be making a heck of a lot of money with his "night jobs" otherwise he'd be kicked out! Oh and get yourself tested anyway. I have a friend that caught an STD because her husband couldn't keep it in his pants.
• Australia
20 May 07
to me , i have to talk to my husband about that sleeping habit and make adjustment