I never want to be disrespectful, but was I?

@AmbiePam (50385)
United States
May 20, 2007 1:15pm CST
My dad and I were in my car and I was driving him back to his house. He wanted to stop at McDonald's, so I pulled into the drive thru. I wasn't going to get anything, so I asked him what he wanted. Let me preface the remaining discussion by telling you he just got his sugar tested, and he is border line diabetic. Now, as I was saying, I asked him what he wanted and he said two Big Macs. I laughed and said, no really, what do you want? He repeated the order - two Big Macs. I believe that two of those together have about 80 fat grams, plus the starch and sugar. I was appalled. I tried to casually mention something like, that will make your sugar worse, and mom would never forgive you. Totally trying to joke him into changing his order. Well, this made him a little mad. He doesn't like his children telling him what to do, and maybe that is what I was doing. But I am scared for his health. So, after the outburst, I thought, why am I sitting in the drive thru in my car using my gas getting food for a man who wasn't very nice to me just now, and who has no thought to the harm that could come to him, thereby harming my mom as well. What did I do? I pulled out of the drive thru and took him home. He didn't say anything, but he wasn't happy. Now, was I wrong to not get the Big Macs? Was I right, but should have handled it better? I cannot stand people being disrespectful to their parents, so I try not to do it myself. What do you all think?
19 people like this
51 responses
@Norstar (695)
• India
20 May 07
In a way what you did was right at the spur of the moment. But I feel you gave up a bit early. You could have sort of negotiated with him and got him something less harmful. He would have been disappointed that he had a mind to have two Big Macs and he got nothing. You could think about it and I feel you could talk to him about it sometime and buy him something that is not that harmful as two Big Macs.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
20 May 07
The only thing is that Big Macs and ice cream are all he likes at McDonald's. I wouldn't have blinked if he had asked for one Big Mac, but when he said two I just was shocked. Genuinely shocked. They were out of ice cream, but at home my mom was making him a steak. If only more men liked salads. Heck, if only more women liked salads! Once my low fat dressing is gone, I'm done. LOL
3 people like this
@us2owls (1681)
• United States
21 May 07
Well couldn't you have said casually, "Lets make do with one today and see how it affects your sugar." After all he is an adult and should be allowed to make his own decisions.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
31 May 07
I understand it is easy to comment when you don't know the people involved.
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
20 May 07
Now that the incident is over, you aren't doing yourself any favors by kicking yourself over it. It doesn't sound like you yelled at him or cursed him or treated him badly. Maybe your refusal to buy something that is not good for him made a good statement for him, that you are not willing to help him kill himself. I honestly don't see where you were that disrespectful. Sounded more like tough love to me! Sure, we are supposed to honor our parents. Ultimately, I think that is what you did. He may not think so, but your mother probably does.
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
20 May 07
Thanks for the encouragement. I think I would have felt worse had I ordered the food.
3 people like this
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
20 May 07
I think so.
3 people like this
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
20 May 07
To be honest I don't know what I would of done in your situation. My dad is diabetic and has to watch what he eats too and even though I would of said that its not good for him, I probably would of bought it for him because he is my dad. If I didn't I think he would of gotten out of the car and gone in to get it himself LOL. You were not being disrespectful at all, you were being the loving daughter you are and showing concern for his health.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
20 May 07
Thanks. I wish that when situations like this occurred, I could pause life and go ask Jeeves. LOL
3 people like this
@KarenO52 (2951)
• United States
20 May 07
You had good intentions, trying to watch out for your dad's health. It's very hard to try and get your loved ones to follow healthier habits. I have to admit, I'm a big softie, and I would have bought the big macs, even though it's not a good decision healtwise. If you feel bad about it, maybe you could make up for it by getting him a healthy alternative. Diabetes is very hard to deal with. My mom and brothers had the type 2 diabetes, and I'm trying to watch that I don't get it, but sometimes I just go overboard with things I shouldn't have. I think you did the right thing, even though your dad might be a little unhappy with you right now.
4 people like this
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
20 May 07
My mom is buying healthy cook books right and left, trying to think of alternatives for him to eat healthy food, but also tasty food. He has no trouble drinking the right thing. No caffeine, just water, an occasional Fresca, and Orange juice when he thinks he has a cold. Food is harder for him to deal with. I'm the opposite. I can eat OK, but I have trouble staying away from Coke and Frappucinos. Maybe we (my dad and I)can help each other resist temptation! I love water, but I have to give up the soda, I know I should.
2 people like this
• United States
20 May 07
I don't think you were being disrespectful at all. If he is borderline diabetic, and just recently found out about it, it might take him some time to actually follow the new rules about his diet. You were being a loving daughter, trying to make sure he stays healthy. I applaud you.
• United States
20 May 07
If you were my daughter, I would be torked at you too. Holler at him all you want about his health, it'll just push him away. He's a grown man, capable of making his own decisions whether you agree with him or not. Think he agrees with everything you do?
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
20 May 07
Has one of your children got on to you for your eating? That is the only reason I can think of why you would be so hateful. There was no "torking", if that is word. I ask for advice. I have no patience with people who cannot speak to someone, even online, without showing ill temper.
3 people like this
• United States
21 May 07
I meant no ill will or malice in my post. In looking back today and re-reading it, yes, it does look hateful, and for that I sincerely apologize.
1 person likes this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
21 May 07
I do not think you should feel bad, all you tried to do was show concern about his health, something he obviously doesn't do.He is an adult and as one has the right to do as he wishes, but not at your expense. That would be tantamount to taking my granddaughter to McDonald's and letting her order everything she wants. at least in my granddaughters case I have control of the money and the say so on what she orders, and the funny part is when she gees to McDonald's or Wendy's she will order a salad 10 out of 10 times. She would prefer salad over French fries and a burger any day. Smart kid. So in dealing with your Dad I would wait until his sugar level gets back to normal if ever and let him know you are only concerned with his health and leave it at that. You did good.
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
Thanks. I've seen him eat badly for a long time, but the sugar finally did me in. If he had been driving his own car, I would have had no say over it, but I actually think me turning away from McDonald's made him think a little harder. I believe he is starting to think my mom and I are concerned more than just about him dying. But how he might end up living. My dad's greatest fear, he has said, was having to have someone take care of him. Sometimes I think he forgets that fear.
2 people like this
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
20 May 07
I'm sure my parents have no hidden agenda towards me when they were over protective at me. They love me and that is one of many ways they show it. I call it over protective but they call it "just in case". This is how I see your situation. Your father is a grown up man and yet he acts like a child, not caring for his own health. You on the other hand, protected him from harming himself. I call it love, your father might call it something else, but your mother will agree with you and you can leave it at that. Don't feel bad about it, there is nothing to feel bad about. You would feel bad if you bought him what he wanted and then his sugar level rise.
3 people like this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
21 May 07
I'll be honest and say I'm torn here. I do understand why you did what you did believe me. My father is a diabetic who doesn't always follow his diet. I do know though talking to him about it just infuriates him and makes it worse. He gets his back up on it and then often really over indulgous. On one hand you want to make sure he follows his diet but on the other hand he's an adult and can make his own choices. Your his daughter not his warden. It's a tough call. I don't know how I would have handled it in your situation.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
I'm lucky my dad doesn't lose his temper hardly ever. He knows he shouldn't have done it, but man, I grew up doing what my parents told me to do. We've never had major problems because I don't stray from my beliefs, although I'm sure I'm a pain sometimes. I believe he is glad now, although he won't admit it - when my mom found out, she was pretty upset. Apparently they had made an agreement, and he had almost cheated on it.
2 people like this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
21 May 07
See my dad if I did that would have blown a gasket. He'd have laid into me big time. He's got a very bad temper and since he's had his strokes he's gotten meaner.
2 people like this
• Canada
21 May 07
Hi AmbiePam, hope all is well. This is a toughie and one of those double sided things. I think it was sweet of you to have your dads best interest at heart health wise and I feel their was no harm in that. He however may be having a hard time with it and just wants to be able to eat and enjoy 2 Big Macs. I'm sure their is a way you could make it up to him by giving him some kind of healthier alternative. I hope it all works out, good luck hun.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
Thank you for the helpful advice. : ) I've had time to think, and even though I have not normally interfered ever with what he eats, this one time has convinced me I can take a quieter, but more active approach in helping him. When we eat together, if I order more healthy items, he might eventually see how much better I am feeling and want that for himself. Does that sound like a good idea? I don't eat a lot of junk food, but I could make wiser food decisions.
2 people like this
• Canada
21 May 07
That just might work I don't know it's hard to say. Some people are lead or are influenced by others and their decisions and examples, but then again some don't. It's a tough one but I hope it all works out for you hun *crosses fingers* Good Luck!
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
20 May 07
I do know the feeling I have a aunt that is like that. Now she she has to take the needle because she has gotten worse. She is like a mom to me and always has been we are very close. But I cant tell her not to eat something shes not suppose to. And neither can her girls. She is a grown woman and she is going to eat it wether we tell her no or not. And I think your dad knows whats good for him and whats not good for him. There is nothing you can do about it.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
20 May 07
Oh, I know that. And I have never interfered with his eating. Ever. It was just this time I was in my car and there was no reason for me to be in this line than the fact he wanted to eat 60 fat grams. Perhaps I should have done it, but I think he was actually glad later because he told me he knew he shouldn't have tried to order it. He didn't say I was right to pull out of the line, just that he knew he was wrong about his choice of food. Thanks for your input. I appreciate you sharing your advice without being judgmental. I'm somewhat surprised at a couple of blatant hostile replies. I value everyone's advice, but not those who attack. So thank you once again. My dad hates needles, so I can't imagine what it would be like for him if he were to become diabetic.
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
20 May 07
Your welcome dont pay any attention to the nasty remarks. Im glad your dad realized it.LOL
2 people like this
• Singapore
21 May 07
If I'm given your shoes, I might compromise by buying only 1 big mac. If he asks why I don't buy 2, I will tell him my reasons. In this way, I will feel better because at least I have suppressed the amount of sugar intake for my dad and he gets half of what he wants.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
That's a sensible compromise.
1 person likes this
@coffeeshot (3786)
• Australia
20 May 07
Every one is different and handles certain situations differently. Personally, I would have ordered his burgers and just let him know how disappointed and worried you were about him. I just don't think I could have driven off without ordering my father's burgers because I think that would have made him feel a bit like a child.. you know..having your child tell ou what's best for you. On the other hand, you did his health a big favour by driving off, and you probably made him think twice about his health issue. You can apologise to him and just tell him that you're really worried about him and you love him so much you don't want anything to happen to him. This is a tricky one.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
20 May 07
Well, I don't think he felt like a child. I wish I could explain the whole scenario excactly how it happened. He said something prior to me pulling away that actually brought what I was sitting there doing, to me in a different light. I don't plan on apologizing for pulling away from the restaurant, because one I'm not sure if I'm sorry, and two, he wouldn't want an apology. He's a man's man, and he accepts situations how they are. He expects me to be how I am, even if it interferes with his dinner that night. LOL Which it didn't, because my mom fixed him steak when he got home. I know my mom wouldn't have ordered the food, and my dad wouldn't have even asked her to. That makes me pause.
2 people like this
• United States
21 May 07
Hello! You did nothing wrong.You were just concerned about his health and he got mad.You showed a lot of restraint and i call that respect.you were just worried about his health and that 's completely understandable
2 people like this
• United States
21 May 07
You opened it up to his descretion by asking him what he wanted. If it was important for him to eat healthy food, you could've offered SUBWAY or some other place that serve healthier meals. But griping at him after you asked him what he wanted was extremely rude and I understand why he wouldn't talk. It's like this scenario: You call someone over to you, saying, "I'm not going to hurt you." Then you slap his\her chops. Not good.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
Oh, you are funny. I didn't gripe at him, and ironically, stopped at Subway first because he does like that restaurant. It's usually his favorite. But he said he changed his mind and told me to take him to McDonald's. Perhaps you need to think things through before jumping to conclusions.
• United States
21 May 07
GAWD!!!!! You asked...so what that you didn't like my answer. If you want a pat on the head then give all the information... You did the same to me that you did to your father. "Come mere...I won't hurt you..." SLAP
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
Wow, you do take things to the extremes. Anger management, dear, anger management.
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
21 May 07
I think I would have gotten tired and pulled into a parking spot. Then explain to him if he wanted to go eat two big macs to go ahead. Then once he got home to explain to mom about it. My dad can't eat that even in his dreams. He has the sugar problem where it drops to low or goes to high. Then he has a bad heart. So it's a double wammy. Your dad is just like mine, doesn't like anyone telling him what he can and can not do. When it comes to my dad's health I will be blunt with him. I know if I drove off, there would be hell to pay. That's only because my dad is stubborn and has a temper. Give your dad time to get over it. No, you were right with not getting the Big Macs, just let him know you love him and want him around for a long time. That if he ate the junk food, and if something happened. You would feel as if it was your fault. In time he will see it your way. 2 Big Macs would have sent his sugars over the roof. So you weren't telling him what to do, instead you were saving his life. Good Luck with your dad.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
Thanks. I hope your dad realizes how much he has to lose by eating poorly. You sounds like you are good for him! : )
1 person likes this
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
21 May 07
He knows now, after the four heart attacks. The last one was a wake up call. Now with his health, he can't even eat healthy without getting chest pains, the doctor is currently trying to figure out what is going on.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
Oh, my word! That is terrible. I hope my dad learns his lesson before he even has a heart attack.
1 person likes this
@MrNiceGuy (4147)
• United States
20 May 07
You definitely could have handled it better. Since you were driving and you were the one with teh control, jumping to take that control and flaunt it in his face was kind of childish and would really aggravate your father, your authority figure for so long since you are taking control/authority from him.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
20 May 07
Hon, you misconstrued the situation. I've driven him many a place, and never pointed out that I "had control." I'm open to constructive criticism, but unless you have something to say that shows you are understanding the discussion - please don't bother, Mr. NICE Guy. Perhaps some people are thinking my dad and I are like their parent or their child. But wee get along great. I have never caused them trouble and they have always been wonderful parents in almost every way. So to think that I decided to go 'boss' on my dad would be foolish and asinine.
2 people like this
@MrNiceGuy (4147)
• United States
25 May 07
I understand it perfectly. You were driving and thus had control over what happened with teh whole drive through order. You pulled a "am I going to have to pull this car over" on your father, which as a man and your father, would seem disrespectful (if I were him). It's not that you were the one driving that disrespected him, its that you shoved your control over teh situation in his face too fast. Don't get defensive, you asked...
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
31 May 07
I'm not going to argue with anyone who just doesn't get it.
1 person likes this
@charms88 (7541)
• Philippines
21 May 07
Hi ambie, you were in no way being disrespectful of your father. You have a valid reason to do so and I can understand perfectly what you are feeling. Your father, on the other hand, may not really mean to be upset over two big macs. Diabetes is not a simple colds where you can easily deal with. He may feel like he is being deprived of the simple pleasure of eating big macs. When my father was still alive, he was stubborn as a bull whenever the word "doctor" came up. He adamantly refused to visit one but kept begging me to do something about whatever was troubling him. He just took the medicines I gave him and readily drank the milk formulated for older people. Once the pain was gone, he was back to his old ways of eating unhealthy food. Despite my constant nagging, I don't think I was being disrespectful of him. You are your father's daughter and you have every right to tell him what food to avoid. Talk with him gently and tell him that you are only concern about his health.
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
I really tread lightly with him. Funny enough, some posters who have replied have accused me of griping or nagging. But that is so far from the truth. My dad grew up in a family of 16 kids and he is a tough guy. Growing up poor and making a successful life has made him usually self-sufficient and less likely to listen to advice. So I usually try to find a gentle or a joking way to express my concerns. But the way he is going, he won't be self-sufficient much longer. Thank you for the great response, charms.
@charms88 (7541)
• Philippines
21 May 07
I've seen what you are talking about, dear. Welcome to the club, LOL! I have my fair share of those "nice" remarks too. "grin"
1 person likes this
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
21 May 07
I'm sure at the time he felt like you were being nosey or rude in telling him what he should and shouldn't eat. Even Dad's are men and men tend to be hard headed. But now that he's had time to think about it, I bet he respects you a little more for standing up to him. I'm sure he felt like he was being treated like a child at the time, but you were looking out for his health and he was the one being rude. I think it took courage on your part to put your foot down. He knows that you love him. I bet your Mom was grateful!
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
24 May 07
She was grateful indeed. He didn't hold it against me for long. I think he was more mad at himself that he went so far I felt I needed to say something. Thank you for your input!
@4cuteboys (4102)
• United States
21 May 07
I don't know. I think you handled yourself well. I would have just gotten the big macs though, because I mean he is my dad and although I want him to be healthy I can't really control him. I think you were nice about it though. I dont think it was disrespectful. Have you called him? Maybe call him and talk about it casually :)
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50385)
• United States
21 May 07
Yeah, we have talked. Some posters seem to think we are at each other's throats and have a horrible relationship! But that isn't the case. We talked the same night and he was fine with me and we didn't discuss it. I don't like sweeping things under the rug, but if he didn't want to bring it up, I wasn't going to. I didn't want to push it. lol