treat YOURSELF... the way u wanna be treated!!!!!
May 20, 2007 5:22pm CST
I know. That's NOT the old saying. It's SUPPOSED 2 go, "treat OTHERS the way u wanna be treated". That's the "Golden Rule". Well, I'm all 4 treating others WELL! No arguments THERE! But, I think the "Golden Rule" (and probably OTHER conditioning we've received during our lives), while it SOUNDS good, it can lead some 2 being taken 4 granted, and in the most EXTREME cases, they will become MARTYRS. In our society, we have been taught (directly, or indirectly) that if we treat others well, they will treat US well, AS WELL! Of course, this DOESN'T always happen, as we all WELL know! How many times has a seemingly "nice" person been walked ALL OVER, by others who DON'T appreciate their "kindness", and have NO RESPECT 4 them? I'm sure we've all known people like this. We might even BE 1 of these people ourselves! I firmly believe that U TEACH people HOW 2 treat u! Just being "nice" 2 someone is NOT the way 2 RECEIVE "nice" treatment BACK, and it CERTAINLY isn't the way 2 earn RESPECT! NO ONE respects someone who is "nice" all the time, someone who always says YES! People KNOW that NO ONE means "yes" ALL THE TIME, so, subconsciously (or many times, CONSCIOUSLY as well), they can SENSE the INSINCERITY, and there-4, they lose respect 4 u, because they can c that u won't stand up 4 yourself, and say NO when u FEEL NO! It goes AGAINST alot of how we've been taught, but u actually have 2 be "nice" 2 YOURSELF 1st, NOT others! THEN, other people will "mirror" BACK 2 u how u are treating YOURSELF! 2 some, it feels "selfish" 2 focus on SELF b-4 others, but the truth is that u can really ONLY be of any "good" 2 people (in the LONG RUN), when u're tending 2 your OWN needs, and making YOURSELF happy 1st! Once u do THAT, then u can give the "overflow" 2 others! Sometimes, people will NOT like it when someone takes the focus off of them 2 focus on THEMSELVES 4 a change, especially if u've had a dynamic with someone where they're USED 2 u always focusing on THEM, instead of yourself. But, ultimately, it's the BEST thing 4 ALL INVOLVED, because u're "teaching" that person how 2 treat u, by your OWN actions 2-wards yourself! In the end, EVERYTHING comes back 2 U! And ME, 2! We CANNOT "make" someone treat us "right", just by being "nice" 2 them! I've seen this fail MANY TIMES! Now, we also cannot CHANGE another either! But, we CAN "change" how WE RELATE 2 them, and vice versa! If a person still CAN'T treat u "right", then, as someone who has SELF-RESPECT, u will NOT TOLERATE that person being in your life, period! So, what do U think? Do u believe in doing 4 others 1st, or yourself? Does the old saying make more sense 2 u, or what I'M saying? Please "chime in" with any and ALL commentary on your mind.
2 people like this
• United States
21 May 07
What a great topic! I have great respect for Christian morality because it teaches you to "love your neighbor as yourself." But very often, as you said, it leads to an excessive sense of martyrdom. Martyrdom DOES have its place. It takes a noble person to die for one's faith, country, or convictions. On Yale campus, there's a statue of Nathan Hale and his famous quote "I regret that I have but one life to give for my country." If I were in the same situation, hopefully I too would have the moral courage to do the right thing. But martyrdom is a double-edged sword. The commandment to "love your neighbor" often gets twisted to mean that you should be a self-sacrificing doormat. But what some people don't get is that the commandment is to love your neighbor AS YOURSELF. If you treat your neighbor the way you treat yourself, then isn't it MORE important to love yourself? It does not say love your neighbor MORE than yoursel. It does not say love your neighbor LESS than yourself. It says love your neighbor AS yourself. When you treat yourself the way you want to be treated (I'm not talking about selfishness or arrogance, just healthy self-respect), you IN TURN treat others better too.
• United States
21 May 07
I couldn't have said it better, TinaCL! U have really expressed yourself so eloquently! I really appreciate reading responses like yours. U're so RIGHT, as far as loving your neighor AS YOURSELF, NOT more or less! I started this discussion, because I've observed ALOT of people BECOME martyrs, because they get this concept "twisted". I agree with u, that it's NOT about arrogance and selfishness (in the broadly accepted definition), but "selfishness", as far as treating YOURSELF well, and tending 2 your OWN needs, because, at the end of the day, NO ONE cares more about YOUR needs than U! Even people who love u, or may be self-sacrificing, they STILL have their OWN needs, and even the self-sacrificer is doing things 4 their OWN benefit, in many ways, because quite often, that person IS a "doormat", and there-4, they feel like the MORE they "sacrifice", the more they'll be LOVED and APPRECIATED, when in actuality, the REVERSE happens, because, like I said, people can SENSE the ULTERIOR MOTIVE underneath, even though they APPEAR 2 be the nicest, sweetest people on Earth! U also make an EXCELLENT point, as far as u WILL treat others BETTER, once u 1st treat YOURSELF better! I always say that EVERYTHING in life is about U, NOT the other person! And how u treat OTHERS is a DIRECT REFLECTION of how u feel about YOURSELF! So, those who treat others BADLY, also FEEL badly, within THEMSELVES! Truly HAPPY people DON'T mistreat others! They're 2 busy being HAPPY! There isn't enough room in our bodies and souls 2 hold all of that JOY, yet STILL be mean 2 others! They DON'T go 2-gether! So YES, when u treat YOURSELF well, it will AUTOMATICALLY "spill over" into how u treat others, because it's only a "reflection", as I said. Some people wonder why they get no respect. Well, start respecting YOURSELF, and watch how your dynamic with others SHIFTS! EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT post, Tina CL!