women who keep kids from their fathers

@kara5287 (299)
United States
May 21, 2007 5:53am CST
i need some advice...my fiance has a son to an ex-girlfriend he will be three this week. i used to be friends with her along time ago. about two years ago she up and left taking his son with her to another state. he hasn't seen him since. i could understand if he had done something wrong to harm the child but all he did was love and take care of him. he never signed off his parental rights. the girl is a pathilogical liar as is her whole family. before she left state she had a pfa on him. she said he picked her up and threw her...the thing is she is 5 times the size of him and could definately hold her own. and i know he doesn't hit women. and he hates ppl that does. the thing is what can we do to get him to be able to see his son? if we were to go to court would they make her come back to this state? and how can i be here for him better to support him? i try my hardest. i even miss that little boy like he's mine. it just hurts me so much to see how bad he hurts everyday. what can we do?
6 people like this
12 responses
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
21 May 07
OMG GGGGRRRRR I cant stand ppl like that!! and even though I did up and move my kids to another region *2 hrs away* I NEVER kept my kids from their father UNTIL the kids asked me to and I got legal advice regarding it before acting on it....Other than that though I was more than accomedating even though I had no reason to be....but ppl like your man's ex..they need a beating as far as I'm concerned...thats just being a vindictive, cruel a$$.... I would say that you should consult with a lawyer..find otu EXACTLY what legal rights he has...I mean if she DOESNT have sole custody then I'm not sure her moving like that is legal (keep in mind I'm from Canada and the laws are different there)....Get legal advice then you'll know just what can and cant be done and what your chances are of getting to the bottom of this and getting things taken care of....
5 people like this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
21 May 07
i completely agree with the beating part lol...and if i was still a little immature girl like her i would be the one doing it. but instead i kill her with kindness...god that pisses her off lol...i hate ppl like that also unless ya know father did something horrible to the child. and she can't even take care of her kids. she is pregnant with her third kid and she just turned 18. she still has alot of growing up to do. i'm only 20 but still. my sons father is in state prison right now but when he gets out i won't keep him from seeing him ya know. he never did anything wrong to my boy. but we are definately goin to contact a lawyer to see what we can do. my fiance is convinced that going down to florida and just taking him is what he wants to do. but there are better ways to go about gettin him.
4 people like this
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
21 May 07
Do you have any type of court order? If he goes down there and just takes him son the police won't do anything about it, at least that is how it is in Texas. My ex did that and since we didn't have any type of order the courts wouldn't do anything about it. So I have to get a lawyer and then tell the judge that he has never taken care of her on his own before and she has always lived with me, so the judge approved to have my daughter removed from his custody and I got her back, after 4 long days, that was terrible! Then the police went over and got my daughter and braught her home to me, you don't want that little boy to go through anything like that, it is much better to go to court and do things the right way. You don't want the cops at your door taking the little boy back to his mom's either so I would try to talk him into doing things through the court system. Even though it takes longer it will be on record and if she doesn't hold up her end of things then he can try to get custody. Good luck I know it is hard!!
3 people like this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
21 May 07
thank you so so much.!! your input is greatly appreciated.
4 people like this
@stefyj05 (26)
• United States
21 May 07
The fact is to get child support there has to be joint custody. Each parent will have scheduled times to be with child (weekends,holidays). Basically if there is already a child support order or she trie to get one she has to allow him to see child. My best advice is go back to court.
4 people like this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
21 May 07
when she was in this state she took him for child support twice and he paid it but then she dropped it...she don't want child support. probably so she can alienate the boy from his father even more.
2 people like this
• United States
21 May 07
You def. need to take that woman to court. I think it is wrong for women to take children away from fathers who have been nothing but good to them. If your friend takes her to court and wins than the court will make her let him see the child. She won't have to move back but she'll have to make it possible for the father to see his baby.
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
21 May 07
He can take her to court to get visitation with the little boy. He needs to be paying child support as weel, if not that can look bad on him when ya'll go to court. Talk to a lawyer and see what his options are, the courts don't want him out of his son's life so he should step up and do something legally to get some visitation, and once there is a court order for visitation if she doesn't follow through with it she can get in trouble with the law. No one can make her move back to the state but most likely ya'll will have to meet in the middle or one party drives to pick him up and the other drives to drop him off, sop it is fair. Write the little boy letters and keep the dates of every contact you make or try to make with him. Those things will help your boyfriend look goof to the courts.
2 people like this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
21 May 07
he tries to contact him and send him things he just never gets them. this girl is just crazy. in her mind if she can't have rob then he can't see his son. the little boy would probably have to fly or something cause we are in pa. and they are in florida. we are in the process or saving money up to get a lawyer. cause if we are going to fight for him we are going to do it to the best of our ability....thanks for your feed back....what would happen to his son if something happened to the boys mother? i'm asking cause his son is 3 she has a daughter that is about 11 months and is 4 months pregnant again...she has had bad problems with all of her pregnancies. if something were to happen would he get him?
3 people like this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
21 May 07
i doubt she has a will...she is 18 and dumber then a box of rocks. thanks for the info
4 people like this
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
22 May 07
Yes that is all true! In the eyes of the court you have nothing to do with it because the child isn't yours biologically. Just be there for him and let him know you soupport him in everything, it will be a hard process but hopefully it will turn out really good for you guys!!
@tina12679 (1126)
• United States
22 May 07
My husband has this problem as well. Everytime he locates his ex and his son she takes off. My best advice to you is to either have him call or call your local free legal services (Laurel Leagal Aid) and see if they can tell you anything. he should be able to sue for visitation and then if it can be provent that he would have a better home with his father and you then eventually you can sue for joint and or full custody. Good luck!! if they have any really good suggestions let me know because we would also like to be able to see my hubbys son.
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
22 May 07
yep no problem...thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 07
I hate to hear stories like this. I mean she is his mother, but he needs his father. I honestly would take her to court make a judge see she is not fit as a mother. Because what kind of mother keeps the kids away from the father who did nothing wrong. People are sad. I wish you luck!
2 people like this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
22 May 07
thank you MrsWickham, all he ever did for that boy was everything in his power and now she pulls this. i hate her so bad for it from seeing what it is doing to him. the woman will let my fiance's sister talk to the little boy but won't let him talk to him. it's very depressing.
2 people like this
@kslcash (198)
• United States
22 May 07
OK you have to look at the situation from all angles? Did he support this child financially or does he now? I hate situations like this because you have some women that take their children away from their fathers out of spite and then on the other hand you have these dads that want to be a dad and not taking care of them in the process. All I know is that this is a terrible situation for the child. He doesn't deserve to be in the middle of this.
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
22 May 07
he was the only one that even took care of the boy when they were together...he was the only one that worked two jobs nonetheless and still got up with him at night. he did support him. she took him for child support twice before then she dropped it. they won't let her do it again. he has tried sending things for him but she won't give them to him. her issue is if she can't have him he can't see his son.
• United States
22 May 07
see my boyfriend had the same problem his ex took of and left and took his daughter to another state and his daughter is now 2 years old and what we had to do was go to court and the court searched for her and when they found her she had to go to court and the court told her she had to make it where he gets to his daughter too so now he gets to see her more but i think its bull crap how some moms do that i would never keep my child from her dad not unless he did something to the child really bad! you should go to the court and tell to put a search out for her
1 person likes this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
22 May 07
thanks for the advice and the hope. :) i am the same way i could never imagine keeping our daughter from him even if we were to split up. it just pure immaturity and ignorance.
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
22 May 07
I always hate to see ppl use their kids as weapons to hurt others. Your son has the right to see his child. My advice is to contact a lawyer and start petitioning for visitation. If he is made to pay child support she can be made to allow visits. I hope it works out for you. LIVE IN PEACE
1 person likes this
@kara5287 (299)
• United States
22 May 07
thank you :)
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
22 May 07
Here's a question...is your boyfriends name on the childs birth certificate? I know it sounds like an irrelevant thing, but I had a bad relationship with an abusive man, my daughter was born and he refused to sign her birth record, best thing he ever could have done because after he stabbed me 3 times I fled the state with my daughter and he had no recourse, not that he tried hard anyway. Sorry, back to your situation. I'm asking because if his name is on there he does have parental rights. Is he current on child support? I'm not trying to be judgemental towards the mother, but to be 18 years old and have baby #3 on the way doesn't suggest stability. Your boyfriend needs to consult with a lawyer. Id there any free or low cost legal aid in your area that could help you? I'd start doing the research and begin preparing for a long messy battle. Good luck to you!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jun 07
Okay, I've got a few things for you. If there was ever a court order in place in PA, you should be able to file a petition there. BUT, before you do that, most attorneys will give you a free consultation. That is when you should get the general gist of what you need to do. They will also inform you of any fees. Just make sure you are seeing an attorney that specializes in family law. The other thing to keep in mind is that here in the US the laws vary from state to state.
1 person likes this
• India
23 May 07
Hi kara5287! I understand that you are worried about your friend. I am not much aware of the rules and rights in your Country. But i do firmly beleave that a child needs both it parents in life. Your friend should approach a loawyer or Human Rights Association for help.
1 person likes this