How can i let her know that i'm not interested without losing her friendship?

United States
May 21, 2007 3:39pm CST
This is kinda a difficult situation for me and i am very unsure about how to handle it. I have a friend that i have been friends with for about 4 years, we are very close and have always been there for each other. However lately my very close female friend has developed quite an interest in me. She is forever making passes at me. Now i love her to death but i am clearly not interested. I have absolutely nothing against someone loving the same gender, i have a few friends that are gay and happen to be some of my closest friends. I honestly don't know what to do. I value our friendship very much and would be heartbroken to lose her as a friend. so how can i tell her without losing our friendship and hurting her feelings?? any ideas??
3 people like this
7 responses
@manvik (940)
• Hungary
22 May 07
Hi dedicated_28,I think you should speak with her frankly and try to figure out what the problem is.Maybe she is jealous of you.Maybe she wants your boyfriend?maybe really she wants you?If I am in your situation I would have invited her to discuss the problem and fix it.But if you want to do,do it without any presence of others.If you ask her in front of others may be she will be hurt.
• United States
22 May 07
thanks so much, my biggest fear is that i'm going to hurt her.
• India
22 May 07
I'm, really very sorry to say... But i can't give u proper advice on this question... Coz i've never experienced this thing in my life.. But still i do believe that don't act in such a way which would hurt her.. Just try to convince her that u r her best friend, but u can't cross the limits as its against ur nature... And also convince her that u too love her as much as she loves u, but only as a good friend.. I'm sure, u might be feeling very ackward, but still u have to try and convince her in order to maintain the good friendship between you.. Anyways.. All the best to u...
• United States
22 May 07
very well said, shrenik. much thanks:)
@huilee (1010)
• Singapore
22 May 07
Maybe u can get a bf and it simply means that u r interested in guys? i guess urs is a tough problem... coz tt might hurt u guys relationship... perhaps u can tell her that some other guys are cute? perhaps that will help too... =)
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 07
she already knows that i'm interested in guys but it still doesn't stop her. thanks
• Philippines
22 May 07
i think your question have been answered by the posts above me. i would just like to add that be prepared for anything. being rejected is not a nice feeling and often times the person on the recieving end tends to shy away. losing the friendship might happen. just like the song "there is no easy way to break somebody's heart".
• United States
22 May 07
much thanks.
1 person likes this
@tammyr (5956)
• Etowah, Tennessee
21 May 07
If you do not want to lose the friendship, be honest. It may be hard to get started but after the first few words, it will get easier.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 07
thanks, i sure hope so.
1 person likes this
@bcote212 (1113)
• United States
21 May 07
If you are close with her, then you really just need to be honest with her. Just let her know that you really do value the friendship, and you would never want to do anything that could possible jeopardize it. This way she really does know how much that the friendship means to you. If ytou just come out and tell her that you are not interested in her, then she may get freaked out, and not talk to you for a while. Just let her know, hey you mean a lot to me, and I want to have you as a friend forever, and would never want to do something that would ever possibly lead to your friendship ending. Good luck, let me know how it goes.
• United States
21 May 07
thanks so much for all the advice, i wondered if u had left.
1 person likes this
• Australia
22 May 07
All the replies that you have all say the same thing - honesty. If she values your friendship as you do hers, she will understand :)
1 person likes this