saying NO

@Adamdog (254)
United States
May 23, 2007 6:27am CST
Why is it, that when you say no, or want to say no, you feel guilty? Is it reasonable to think you can be loved by everyone if you say yes? How to make the switch from being a person who wants to please everybody, to somebody who is looking after him or herself? These a simple questions, with probably simple answers, but the art i guess, is believing in what you say. What do you think about it? How do you cultivate it, and why are we so afraid of not being loved?
3 people like this
9 responses
@TriciaW (2441)
• United States
23 May 07
For me I think it was the way I was raised. Thinking that you should always help someone when they need it. I have however learned to say no and it took a long time to get to that point. I find myself still needing to explain why I say no*L* I can tell you that I have been working with a friend on learning to say no. She has a full time job, plus when she is done there she owns a bar so has to run that and she is taking care of her grandchildren 24/7 because of their sibbling has cancer and was in the hospital a lot. She has high blood pressure and burns the candle at both ends. I had a talk with her and we practiced saying no. She laughed of course as I kept saying.. Ok say it with me.. No. However it has finally stuck. She now tells me when and who she said no to. I make sure to praise her for it. Now it sounds funny but seriously if she had not started to say no she was going to end up in the hospital. So if you can't say no find yourself a friend that will praise you for saying no instead of feeling guilty for saying it. It does seem to help!
2 people like this
• China
24 May 07
In our life NO is not a good word most times people do not like to hear the word especially they need some help . it is guilty for having to say it .but if you want to say it when you must do it ,you may start practising to say no ,it just takes time and patience you will feel happy because you do what you been done
2 people like this
@archer1811 (1099)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Well i guess, you feel guilty if you say NO to someone because you dont want to hurt him/her, but if its needed then why not, beside if they get hurt they learn from it. Knowin truth sometimes is hurt, but how can we help other people change the thing they need to change if we always concerned about how they will feel towards us? Sometimes we need to sacrifice ourself just to help others, or let other awaken to the world where they should belong.. A simple anwer like YES or NO can save others life.. So we should not be afraid of tellin NO if it is needed. Beside Honesty is the best policy,,Huh
2 people like this
• Philippines
24 May 07
yes!!! that's true that we sometimes afraid to reject if somebody asks favor from us..we are afraid to say no to him/her because we have in mind that if we do they probably get mad at us but what if its just okay with them? i maen were not sure about how would they react, what is important is what we feel, if we like to do such things or not because its not good to do on things your not willing to do. perhaps we are afraid not to be loved by a person because he/she is important to us or in short we love this particular man/woman.
2 people like this
@eyewitness (1577)
• Netherlands
24 May 07
One reason is because we don't want others to think bad about us.In fact if we would say know they are not gonna hate us.It's not easy to change.But it's possible. We are not making moves.There's this story about A woman who wanted to go on a vacation with her husband and family to some other place,because they would go every year to the same place.Her husband wanted too,but no one made the move.He was afraid if he would do it it would hurt her feeling and she because she was afraid of hurting his feelings if she would arrange it all.They kept blaming eachother while the fault was their own.In fact they kept saying no and thought wrong about eachother.She thought he didn't wanted to go.
2 people like this
@miaolin (397)
• China
24 May 07
Maybe many people feel embarassed when they say no to others,but I don't think there is any problem to say no.It's the basic right of everyone.It doesn't mean you do not respect the person when you say no to the person,though it may affect your friendship.Why not say it with an euphemism.In this way,your friendship won't be hurt and your friend will make allowance for you.
• United States
23 May 07
I was never one who felt loved in the first place. I always said yes because that is just me. I still pray to god to help me say no. I find it's the goodness in me to say yes over no. I am in a situation now where it would have been better to say no. I said yes and have to now suffer with it. I think it's a good thing to say yes to people. I also feel people should know what not to ask you. If they know your heart with say yes and your mind wants to say no. Taking advantage of a person is never nice.
2 people like this
• India
23 May 07
There is another discussion just like yours started by Kukkad. Check it out.
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
23 May 07
I have a problem saying no most times. I don't know why I feel guilty for having to say it. I have over time gotten better at it. It is difficult to say no, you want to make everyone happy and that is completely impossible. At one time I couldn't even say no to those magazine sales people that would come to the door. Once I bought encyclopedias that I didn't even need, my husband gets on to me so badly about it. I used to cause myself more work at my old job because I couldn't say no. I was overworked and underpaid and I realized hey I need to stop this! I have a life too! So, I started practicing at little things to say no. I have gotten better, it just takes time and patience.
2 people like this
• United States
23 May 07
You feel guilty because NO was not a good word to say when you were growing up. "No," you can't go to the baseball game with friends.!" "NO! Don't touch that!" DON'T SAY NO TO ME!!!! I'M YOUR PARENT! Now get in there and clean your room." So we have been trained not to say no. Say NO. Look in the mirror. Learn to say it calmly, matter of factly. Go through scenarios where you've been asked to do something, but you said yes even when you didn't want to do it. Let's practice: Adamdog, I need you to mow my lawn for me. Please? With what will you respond? (hint-say 'no'). At first when you first do this, the 'no' may come out a bit harsher than you'd want...but as you say 'no' you will soften the harsh edge of NO because you know you have control over you only. No one else does.