why is it that some men dont care much about their children???

May 26, 2007 6:38am CST
This is an interesting discussion i want to start about why men dont show much interest about their own flesh and blood(there kids). When these innocent kids are brought to this world and you split up with the father of the kids, the fathers tend to focus only on themself and other women outside but their own product is a problem to spend time with, to call them or even see there kids.. I have withnessed this in my occations and it sadens me as well, at the end the women are left to bring up the kids on her own and when the children grow up the fathers appears claiming that they now want to take part in the childrens life....why waite so long????......please i need some answers
7 people like this
21 responses
@psyche49f (2512)
• Philippines
26 May 07
I suppose some fathers would rather not do the dirty job of raising up small kids, like changing diapers, preparing infant's formula, taking care of a sick child and so on--these chores are generally the domain of women. And so when the children are grown ups and are independent, that's the time they come in and claim fatherhood to these children. That's quite intriguing as we might as well conclude that these supposed to be fathers only come in the picture when the coast is "clear"...One, some avoid big responsibilities, second, some men think that raising young children is contrary to their macho image, third, they trust the mothers more when it comes to caring for little kids...these are some possible explanations. But the bottomline is: we admire men who stand by their families even when the going gets rough...that's a true test of manhood.
@swtnss (264)
• United States
26 May 07
i have to disagree with the trusting part because there are alot of men that dont trust the mothers of their children. Men think if they give money to their childrens mothers they think they would spend the money on themselves. Ive seen cases like that.
3 people like this
26 May 07
at the end of the day if the men are running away from their responsibilties when they get get old who do they look for to come and look after them? their children...this is when most kids will rebell because they were never in their lifes.
3 people like this
@swtnss (264)
• United States
26 May 07
well my father was not there for me and he could care less about me now so if something was to happen to him he can lean on my sister since that is his favorite child.
3 people like this
@MrNiceGuy (4148)
• United States
26 May 07
Why is it that some mothers don't care much about their children? How can you limit it to just fathers? Both sexes have these problems.
3 people like this
28 May 07
dont get me wrong am just for now focusing on the fathers, i know it goes both ways...i will however raise a topic about the mothers later.
1 person likes this
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
26 May 07
I think that men are more prone to thinking that they are doing their job towards the children by earning money for them. They feel that they have provided the funds and now it is for the mother to spend it on them and take care. They fail to realize that the children need their love. One needs to talk over on this issue and it can be easily done. In our case my husband was more helpful when my kids were small. He would be awake all night if they were crying and not going to sleep but as they grew up his attention towards them reduced. Now he is taking the responsibility of teaching them along with me.
3 people like this
• Kottayam, India
26 May 07
I do not believe they are mother/father.They have a serious responsibility to cope with.
@Katali (63)
• United States
26 May 07
I've seen the situation you speak of many times and it saddens me greatly. How can one not hold dear and nurture their own flesh and blood? How can one pass by moments they can never regain and for what...? Maybe they were never loved and don't know how to give love. But, you'd hope that they would learn to give to their children, what they never had, if this is the case. I know fathers that support their children financially, but never spend time with them. I know some that never see their children and the mothers take on both roles. Why do some men not care? I don't know if there's a single answer to that, but I believe it may be a matter of being selfish person that can't see outside of themselves or something in their past and the way they were treated causes them not to get close to their own children. Whatever the reason, it's sad and the children suffer.
3 people like this
• Philippines
26 May 07
Maybe it's because of their big ego (no offense to the guys). Some men probably think that taking care of their children or showing their sensitive side would make them less of a man or that it's a sign of weakness for them. And of course, no man would like to be thought of that way. It hurts their pride and ego. Same with doing household chores. Some men think that doing the dishes, or cleaning up the house would make them look like someone who's beneath or inferior to their wives.
3 people like this
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
26 May 07
I would love to say you are incorrect in your post...but the sad reality is you are not. My father left us when we were small and I have never seen him again. I promised myself I would never...ever do this to my kids. I am currently going through a divorce. This will have as little impact on my children as possible. I will spend every second I can with them and cheris that time for the rest of my life. I have and will continue to devote my time to my kids. I am their father and will always be so, wheter I am with their mother or not. cheers,
3 people like this
@ssh123 (31104)
• India
26 May 07
Not all men have this feeling. There are great many people who love their children much equivalent or muchbetter than their wives.It is followed traditionally that men go out to work to earn bread and butter and women spend most of the their time with children. Earlier men used to produce many children so that these children form a workforce in farm land. Today's scenario is different. Everyone prefers one or two children and by and large they do love their children.
3 people like this
@beauty_ph (2752)
• Philippines
26 May 07
Hi there. I do think it has something to do with men's awareness about their existence. If they know what the bible says about manhood, then problems like this will not be significant in our society today.
2 people like this
@beauty_ph (2752)
• Philippines
26 May 07
Welcome to mylot. God bless!
26 May 07
i pray one day they will become wise
3 people like this
@beauty_ph (2752)
• Philippines
27 May 07
Yes prays can move mountains of problems. And faith in God can also help this men become responsible individuals. I am into praying that men continue to spread the like of love God has imparted on us all.
@brothertuck (1257)
• United States
26 May 07
I tend to think it is as much a generational item. I am almost 50, had my children late in life, they just had their 12th birthday, twins. I care about them, and will call or talk to them on IM. It is harder on me because they are over 600 miles away, or a days travel. I can't just pop in or make it a weekend. I see them as much as I can and do what I can for them. The problems between me and my ex has never for me gotten in the way of my relationship with my kids. Since the 80s especially it seems that too many parents come from the Me generation. Their children interfere with their life, when they should be a shininig part of their life. Enjoy the gifts you brought into life.
2 people like this
28 May 07
am happy you are a part of your childrens lifes, since you have them close to your heart, you will surely be blessed for that since you did not allow anyhting to come between you and your kids.
1 person likes this
@Inky261 (2524)
• Germany
26 May 07
Why this is? I think because in the animal world usually the father does not interfere, usually the female animal brings up the offspring by themselves. And the animal father is really disgusted when his kids approch him. But he does know that these are his children! The male animal is strong and king and will fight the children to stay on top. I think these men you discribe have still inherited a lot from way back when.
2 people like this
@superchook (1786)
• Australia
27 May 07
I don't understand it either, I know that all men are not like this, but there is a lot that are. My dad didn't want anything to do with me when I was a kid and he still doesn't, which is fine with me because even if he tried, I doubt that I would have anything to do with him. He has hurt me too many times.
1 person likes this
28 May 07
this is what i mean, the fathers are hurting the innocent ones, its not fair... but please what ever you do in life, do the best for your children.
2 people like this
• Australia
29 May 07
Our children will always come first to my husband and I and thats the way it will always be. I don't understand how any parent can be any other way, but I know it happens because like I said my dad did it to me.
1 person likes this
@gretats (63)
• Philippines
27 May 07
I think I have seen something like this on television. It was about the differences of men and women and why they act the way they do.. there was a scene there of a father who was led into a room and was asked to put a diaper on a baby. Well, as expected... he did not know what to do at first and took time in putting it on the kid, but he was able to put it on... then after that he sort of left the room(seemingly in a hurry). So, what I got from that is... because men are not taught these things and to add to that their incapability to truly express their emotions,meaning they are less sympathetic, they act like that. But of course there are a lot more factors to consider... hehehe and not to forget the exceptions. hehe:)
1 person likes this
28 May 07
how i wish men can go through the pain of labour, maybe them they will start to care about their children
1 person likes this
@inked4life (4228)
• United States
27 May 07
I have a hard time understanding why any parent, mother or father, wouldn't want anything to do with their kids. I've been a stay at home dad since my first child was born 9 years ago and have been there for just about everything (the good and the bad) and I wouldn't trade that time for anything....it's just so rewarding
1 person likes this
28 May 07
am so happy that you are a great dad to your child, your child will always cherish every moment you have ever spent with her. you are a good role model thank you.
1 person likes this
@arekha72 (56)
• Philippines
27 May 07
i do got you so well. as it happned to my son.. but, you know what i just did? i cannot just let it pass.. the kid needs support this time not tomorrow but today. that is why if you still have the nerve to do things to get what is due for the kid, do it. as i am putting it in court. i just dont know why some men are like that. all they wanted is just the good fancy things in this world.
1 person likes this
28 May 07
well at least if he cant give them physical and emotional support he should give them financle support, it is not cheap to raise kids.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 May 07
This is a good topic I have been in and out of a relationship with my sons father and ever time we are not on good terms he does not pay much attention to our son, like he does when we are on good terms. It bothers me a lot and huts my son; especially now that he is getting older to see how his dad is. I have to say there are fathers out ther that cherish there kids weather they are with the mother or not and it's too bad that not all fathers are like that.
28 May 07
i wish all fathers can also be like that, when they stop providing for the kids because they dont get along with the ex is real immature behaviour ''kids are the innocent ones''
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 May 07
Really?... I'm really glad and thankful that my hubby is never like that. Although there may be times that I can see that he is tired from work, but he still gives quality time to our son. Some men do not show interest in their children maybe because they think that it's only a woman's job to do so...
1 person likes this
@abrarr (1246)
• Pakistan
27 May 07
i think fathers have a lot of things to worry about, so they seems to b ignorin their children. the other reason y they do that might b that men r lil unexpressive in nature as far as emotions r concerned.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 May 07
Why don't schools teach that men and women differ in that: 1) Men have more of the hormones testosterone and androgen, 2) Women have more of estrogen and progesterone. Testosterone gives a man drive and aggression, and inclination to activities outside the home. Domestication for him is learned, not innate. Estrogen makes a woman feminine and more capable of romantic fantasy, while progesterone enables successful childbearing and rearing. Looking after kids is not in a man's genes and hormones. Not even a gay guy will stand diapers and nanny work for long. Before having the number of kids you plan, closely estimate you and your husband's ability to afford full or parttime help. If not, you will reign for 50 years as queen of the household dirty work.
1 person likes this
@lelele_e (19)
• Hong Kong
27 May 07
oh..what are pity / \
1 person likes this