i have an argument with my husband--------am i wrong?
By gharinder
@gharinder (2044)
India
May 26, 2007 8:54am CST
ok dear mylotians, just help me if in case i am wrong, my husband is working as an application specialist in bayer diagnostics, so most of the time he is really very very busy, since he has to cover three states, he for most of the times is out of station, sometimes even on sundays. i hardly find time to go out with him? and i really get bored all day long. ocassionally we go outside, sometimes for a movie or to his boss house. since i was complaining about his shortage of time, he one afternoon promised to take me to his boss house, as in the evening his boss has called for him. about one hr before the scheduled time, a friend of his, who too is working with him, was in need of an lpg cylinder, so my husband promised to give him one. now the problem was that we dont own a car , neither his friend, so motorcycle was the only option. my husband without even informing me about his friends arrival, went with him on his motorcycle along with the lpg cylinder. i was really shocked and depressed by his behaviour. i dont say that he should not help his friend, but there were other means that could be worked out. i argued with him, since there were other method also where he could take me out and even keep a promise to his friend. but he left me behind to help his friend--------do you think i was wrong in arguing with him or it was right on his part to help his friend, leaving me behind.
5 responses
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
26 May 07
I think you have a right to be upset - I mean it's good that your husband is willing to help a friend but he should have some respect for your feelings and plans also. Even if he had said something like, "Honey I'll only be gone an hour and then we'll spend some special time together" would have been better than just taking off.
But then who am I to speak, been single for 15 years :(
@gharinder (2044)
• India
28 May 07
hello byfaith, dont be disappinted, what about your friend you talked about dear.
@Neo_Knights (1882)
• Indonesia
28 May 07
Hey, don't get down easily. Sometimes people outside the circle can see the problem clearly than the people inside the circle.
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
28 May 07
LOL - "my friend" I do believe he might be married and have given up - 3 times I've given him my email address but he still messages me on the singles site, red flag there, most don't like to use the system if they have an email address unless they are hiding something. He keeps sending me messages on Friday wanting to meet Saturday and I keep ignoring his message until Monday - I'm horrible.
@Neo_Knights (1882)
• Indonesia
28 May 07
Personally, I think you are not wrong at all. You have the right to ask what you deserve to. But in the other hand sacrifice is needed in a marriage.
But in this situation, I guess you really need a time, you and your husband, let him know about how your feeling when he's not around.
I usually ask someone to stand in my shoes, so I guess you can ask him to stand in your shoes. Ask him how he would felt if he is you and you (as him) always working day and night and have so little time with your family.
I've ever heard saying that 'it's better to have a quality time than a quantity time', so even you two only meet in a short period of time, I hope they are a quality one. If you don't feel like that than you have to work it out with your husband. Ask him to give more quality, like love, care, etc in your less-time.
One thing I have to remind you that you should not talk with him in anger, it wont' solve the problem. Just talk nicely and put in your mind (both) that what you're communicating will resulting a good new way out.
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
27 May 07
Although it is good of your husband to help out his friend so willingly, he needs to realise that his marriage must come first.
Any of the experts would tell you that a husband & wife need time together for their marriage to grow.
Explain to your husbasnd soon, perhaps over a good meal.
Get him i a good mood, so that you are starting off the conversation in the right tone.
@pinks0da (328)
• Philippines
26 May 07
I understand your feelings gharinder. That happened to me too before where my husband committed to another person wherein he already gave me his word that we will be going out together. I was offended and felt unimportant because of what happened. I didn't let that pass without talking to him on what I felt. He understood and headmitted he was wrong and he explained why and the importance of that commitment. He made it up to me the next day.
You are not wrong in arguing with him because that is just a result of your emotions. I understand you valued your marriage so much that you don't want to loose the "spark" between you two. Every wife wants that especially when their husbands are always busy with work. My advise would be to talk to him calmly and tell him how you felt about the whole thing. Tell him why you want to have time with him. Make him see and understand your point so you two will meet to where you should meet. :). I would discourage showing him rage because it will worsen the situation, he will not be able to understand your message. :)...Talk to him first though you know it's his fault. Don't let pride ruin your relationship. Communicate, communicate and communicate.
@lonnieN (428)
• United States
26 May 07
neither. you should have very gently informed him of your dissappointment. Very gently and lovingly. The best way to get him to think more about you and your needs is to love him. if he realizes how much you love him he will love you more and be more concerned with your needs
