You proposed to your love one and he/she answered No..

@liranlgo (5748)
Israel
May 26, 2007 11:10am CST
What would you do? Would you just leave? would you try to understand what is going on here and just convince the other person that they are fearful? I know that i had this uncomfortable incident. I realized that he is not the men for me and i answered no. he just left, without trying to ask why, and i never seen him till this day. This was my first relationship that was five years long. A lot of years passed since then. But i still wonder why did he not ask why?? What would you do?
5 people like this
15 responses
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
26 May 07
If I proposed and my lover said no. I would have to ask them why they made that decision. I would definitely try to understand what is going on. alot of people get nervous when they are asked and their immediate answer is no even though their heart says yes. I would have to ask why because I may not want to further the realtionship if they do not intend to settle down with me.
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
26 May 07
I like the way you think steph. Thank you for this response.
@dpk262006 (56563)
• Delhi, India
28 May 07
Had I been in his place, I would definitely asked the reasons for you saying "NO". If I am in relationship with someone, and suddently I get a negative response...I would surely like to know the reasons for rejection, so that if something is wrong with my attitude....I could be able to improve upon myself for the future. (For U my advice would be .....you need not think about that affair.....it is not going to help you any way..."NO use of crying over split milk" deepak
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@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
28 May 07
thank you deepak i will take your advice:)
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@dpk262006 (56563)
• Delhi, India
29 May 07
Lira! you are Welcome! Yet, I would like to know what had actually happened. It looks intriguing and puzzling to me that you were in relationship with someone....and after 5 long years...you decided to throw him a 'negative response'. If you can let me know the details...I will be interested to go through the details. You can send me a PM...as you feel like. Deepak
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@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
29 May 07
Well i can easily answer you here. We had a wonderful relationship from the age of 19 to 26. he was my best friend, but as the years went by we grow up as an adults to different directions. I wanted to try different things, and he wanted me and to settle down. He is a wonderful person and will always been. But when you do develop into different direction, you do have to think what you want in your life, and i did want to try more and different things. So we just broke up. He always knew my wantings, but he wanted me beside him, so he decided that it is worth staying and waiting. Till he could not wait anymore.
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@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
26 May 07
5 years have past. I am sure you have move on. Forget about the question in your head. It might be better for both you and him should you one day happen to meet by chance. Sometimes, it is better not to know the answer than to have known and get hurt forever. He could be just doing the same thing. Or he could be trying to save the happy memories and does not wish to have any negativity that would tarnish it. I would just find an excuse for him and move on.
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@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
26 May 07
Oh i did move on. But you know somtimes you just start with the memories, and i never figured how a person that is with a person for five years, just runs away like that when he was said no.
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@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
26 May 07
Give him the benefit of doubt. He could have been disappointed. He could have been ashamed or trying hard to control his feelings. In three words, he lack courage. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise for you.
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@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
26 May 07
Oopsss. Hope I am not being too harsh on him or you :)
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• Philippines
27 May 07
with him leaving says a lot about his sincerity and devotion to you. maybe he got a little impatient about some aspects in your relationship and wanted you to go along with his expectations. when he got a response that was contrary, he was just not ready to accept that fact. many men act like that. sometimes they don't care enough for their partner's feelings and they mostly end up hurting them or spacing them out. as for me, i never really got the chance to propose to my wife, it just sort of happened and before we knew it we got married and are living very happily with our kid. i'd like to believe that a person will know if that person is really the one for them. it's part of our instinct as they say or just a bond that forms between two people who really love one another. what you do with that bond is really up to you.
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
28 May 07
I do agree with what you said. But about the sincerity and devotion part, i do have to say that he was wonderful. We were together for alote of years. Maybe you are right he just thaught that it was time to get married. And when i said: no. He just gave up and moved on. Loved the sentence: "what you do with that bond is really up to you". Many people do not understand this smart sentence.
• Philippines
29 May 07
thanks about that. had rough times too with my wife before we got married. we separated for a while but i later realized that i can't be without her. in fact, i can say that she's probably the one person i have the closest bonds with, even compared to my family.. i don't know why but it really is just like that
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
29 May 07
Without sounding callous and cold he obviously didn't love you, and that is a lucky escape for you my good friend, I would find it weird after being with someone for five years, and five years is a long time and not wanting to know the reason why, relationships are about building, and if you throw in the towel then the relationship is not worth saving. Thankfully I have never been in this position and never will be.
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@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
29 May 07
i appreciate your response very much wolfie. But i do have to tell you that he loved me very much, somtimes too much. And he was with me through all the hard times and pain for almost six years, and did try to give me the freedom that i demanded, somtimes it cost him alote of pain. Because i did alote of foolish things. So it was not about love.
• United States
28 May 07
It must be hard to get the courage to ask.If I were to ask a man to marry me and he said no what would I do? This is hard for me because I don't want to marry but here it goes. I would ask why. And if he said it was too soon and he needed time, I would stay. But if it were any other reason, I would leave. For some reason he didn't want to marry me and I want to get married so it would have to be over.For me personally, I don't want to marry so I would tell new boyfriends that I will not marry them so if that is what they want, I am not the person for them. You have to follow your bliss. There is someone out there that wants the same thing you want. You just have to find them.I'm glad you felt strong enough and comfortable enough to tell your boyfriend your true feelings. There are so many people that are pressured to marry. And they marry the wrong people and are miserable.
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@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
28 May 07
Yes. There are too many people that are getting married because of the pressuring society and family, and they usually are sorry afterwards. Thank you for this response Sarah, i appreciate it.
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@Katali (63)
• United States
27 May 07
We tend to run from what we fear - he feared rejection, he feared hearing the truth. More than likely he asked himself "why" a million times after he left, but confronting the reasons face-to-face would have been hurtful, at the time. He may have known deep down "why" and depending on those reasons it might have been a matter of him facing some truths about himself and why the marriage wouldn't work. I commend you for saying no and looking hard at the reasons before saying yes, just to say yes.
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@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
28 May 07
Thank you kat, i appreciate what you said.
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
26 May 07
The answer is not simple. Of course, i will try to understand the reason. Is it in me or anywhere else. Before to make this proposal, i will be interested to know if this relation is serious for BOTH of us, how are his ideas about the future and etc. And i will tell him about my plans, if any. In fact the official marriage is not so important for me. We can live together without any formalities.
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@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
26 May 07
Yes. The definition is not that important to me. I also do not have a problem having a life partner without getting married. But i really think that somtimes when a person feels that he is going to lose the other person, he tries to propose.
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@lonely_f16 (2147)
• Philippines
26 May 07
Well maybe he was really really hoping that you would say yes and when you said no, maybe he was already accepting the fact and was really to the max hurt. For me, I would also be hurt regardless of the reason. I think it's better that you said the reason after you said no before so that he'll not be devastated as it is.
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@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
26 May 07
Yes. you are right lonely. In my case i think that he knew the reasons before he proposed.
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
29 May 07
I would most definately try to get the reason for the No. If u have been together for long and he does not want to get married i would like to have a reason. If it is good then the relation might not have to end, but if he can never see himself married to me, then whats the point.. UNLESS he says that he never wanna marry at all. That i could accept - for me marriage is not that big. The relationship in itself is much more important.
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@mdarma (868)
• Singapore
29 May 07
Maybe what he did was good for him. Should your reply hurt him further, he will be miserable. Fortunately, I did not go through such a situation, because I build my relationship up and when I know that the tide is favourable for me I did it. So it was a win win situation.
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• India
27 May 07
if i would be rejeted i wud first try to find the answer why he answered no...then try to rectify my faults because in this world no one is flawless...but proposal can only be made when true love occurs.so if its true love it wud never betray me....definitely my dream boy will respond.
27 May 07
I would always be keen to no the reason why she said no and will talk to her and clearify things with her and try to make things transparent.
• India
27 May 07
if a girl just rudely say a big 'no' to my proposal i dont think digging reasons behind it wud be of much help..i wud rather suppose that the girl is arogant n move on..... but if i know the girl to be a soft one n still flashing red signal to my proposal i'll probably try convincing her rather than just giving up...
@SEOGUY (906)
• United States
26 May 07
For me, well I would be very depressed, and I would want to know why I had been so rejected to see if it was something that could be changed.
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