Do you hide your spending from your partner?

@muscare (3069)
Australia
May 27, 2007 6:38am CST
I overheard some women talking one day while having coffee, and one was saying that she had bought a dress for $400 dollars, and then said that she would tell her husband it only cost a quarter of the price! My wife and I have a very honest relationship, and tell each other everything. Have you ever hid the true amount of goods purchased, and if so, what was it? And how much? Only answer if your other half won't read this post,lol!
2 people like this
8 responses
• United States
28 May 07
No i havent but my ex-husband did, and he just wouldnt say anything at all. then when checks started bouncing and I went to the bank to find out what was wrong, he was buying things on the debit card. We got into a hugh fight about it he said he told me about it, all he would say was I went out to eat today or i bought this or that and never would give me a rec. on it. i always tried to keep extra money in the bank for emergency's but he was spending way over. It causes alot of problems, I feel that if you have a joint account you should tell the other person everything not lie because sooner or later they will find out. and it can cause major problems!!!
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
29 May 07
That's not a nice way to find out, having checks bounce, and it costs more money in bank charges. Having a joint bank account does mean purchases need to be discussed, before they are made. I like to have a little extra for emergencies too. I rather have it there and not need it than need it and not have it.
@arsena (293)
• Germany
28 May 07
No, I don not hide it. We have separate money in this moment so I think I can do everything I want with my money. But when we will be a family I will not hide either because I think we should be honest with each other.
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
29 May 07
I think that until you make the commitment, then your money is just that, your money. That does change once you get married, or have a family and I believe honesty is very important in a relationship.
@apanda (8)
• India
28 May 07
Money can wreck a relationship.Infact, how they spend, save, and account for money is one of the leading sources of friction between couples. While "coupledom" can create conflict, it also can be the key to financial success: You can achieve far more as a united team than you can by working alone.If you and your partner can reach a meeting of minds regarding money, you'll not only experience more peace in your relationship,you stand to achieve greater prosperity. Communication is key: Ask why couples fight about money and you'll hear thai lack of communication has a lot to do with it. Whether the silence is intentional or not, it will keep your partnership from being as fulfilling, productive, and enjoyable as it could be. It's time to start talking. Particularly for couples with money issues, a budget is crucial. The household budget, or spending plan, can be the key to achieving your goals, building wealth and avoiding conflicts over money but only if both partners are involved in creating it. For couples with very different spending habits, it also helps to mutually agree to limit on the size of purchase either partner can make without consulting the other. Four money mistakes every couple should avoid: 1) Extremism: work on changing your ways if you are on either end of the spectrum from shopaholic to cheapskate. It's not easier to have a meeting of minds when both partners practice moderation 2) Secrecy: Don't hide your spending from your partner.Once you lose your partner's trust, it will be anuphill battle to win it back 3)Assigning blame: If both partners stay involved, one can't blame the other for the household's money troubles. 4) Using money as a weapon: Spending to get back at your partner won't solve your relation ship issues, it will just make you unhappy and broke.
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
28 May 07
Hi apanda, are you a financial advisor? You have some good info there! I can tell you that the most my wife and I have ever argued has always been about finances, Not that she ever hid spending from me, more that she thought we had more money than we really did. She's a lot better now, and I'm not as miserly. I think communication and trust are two important factors in any relationship, even moreso in regards to finance.
@lirael (502)
• Philippines
28 May 07
If the money I used was my own, I see no point in opening up an argument with my husband regarding the price of the item. The same goes with him. But if the money was for both of us, i.e. for food, rent, and so on, I would tell him the real price. Well anyways he will be able to see it in the log book. We record our past expenses, along with the receipts if possible, so that we will know just how much we spent.
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
28 May 07
If you both have your own money after money has been set aside for bills, food, etc then I don't see a problem with that. I like the way you have a log book, at least you can see where the money is going.
• United States
27 May 07
We don't. There is no need for us to do so. We trust each other and know that we're both responsible with our money. He's the income earner. I'm a SAHM. But he never questions how I spend his money. He knows I only get things we need. Even if I splurge a little, he doesn't mind. He knows I won't go off and spend hundreds of dollars without telling him. We always discuss large ticket purchases (i.e. anything over $100).
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
28 May 07
That sounds like a very good way to be, and I think it is all about trust. My wife and I also discuss large purchases, and generally don't shop without the other anyway.
@psyche49f (2511)
• Philippines
27 May 07
Not really, not that I hide my expenses from him, but that since he works out of town, he does not really know them. But what I keep from him is my salary--he only knows part of it, but not all. But I share this secret with my daughter. Only the "boys" are unaware--my husband and my son. Let me see, I can't remember having purchased something, then hiding it from my husband. It is because perhaps that I am also earning that he does not really mind so much if I buy something expensive for myself, but which I seldom do. I am not a big time spender, and more often than not, I keep some savings for the future.
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
28 May 07
Yes that is the think I try to do, save for the future, but most times, money goes out as quick as it comes in. I don't think it such an issue if you're a careful spender, and at least you do earn as well.
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
27 May 07
My ex wife hid a lot of spending from me. She had credit cards out in my name I did not even know about. It is my own fault really, I would sign things without reading them because I ahd a blind trust in her. I am reaping the ills of this now. Spouses should not hide spending from one another. It is not right. cheers,
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
28 May 07
Yes, that is the problem, one should be able to trust their wife/husband, isn't that what marriage is kind of about? It's harsh you had to find out the hard way, but you really wouldn't expect a spouse to do that.
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
27 May 07
I tell my partner the correct price. But some partners find fault with spouses and always say that they paid more. Others say that spouse is spending a lot. But the spouse wants to buy that item. Hence they hide and tell less price. So it is individual relationship and partner's nature that decides the truth telling or not.
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
28 May 07
Well, I think it's important to know what money is coming in and going out, especially if trying to leep to a budget. I think you are right in saying it is the individual that decides, some like honesty, some not so much.