What a sad situation.

United States
May 27, 2007 9:57am CST
I learned today that a very close friend of mine is very sick. Her mother called me crying and told me that her daughter was forcing herself to throw up after meals. And thats only when she eats cause she wont eat anymore either. Her mom begged her to eat something a slice of bread or something anything please. So I guess to get her mom off of her back she ate bread and peanut butter. Well her mother heard her in the bathroom within 2 or 3 minutes of eating it making herself throw up. I had no idea she was doing this and now I'm very worried about her. I knew she had been struggling with her weight but not like this at all. Is there anything as a friend I can do to help her?
3 people like this
9 responses
28 May 07
Don't worry ! Treat her as a very good friend. First of all, stop scolidng her for anyhting and let her do what she want to do for atleast 3-4 days. Just ask her once, if she want to have anything else. If she says no, then don't force her. She will see this change and will try to know that why are you not forcing her like before. Then, explain her as a very good friend that if parents never think bad for their children. I understand that you want to reduce but if you will not take balanced diet it may hamper your health. Leaving everything will not make you slim. If you will not take proper diet you may cause with someserious illness. Rather than following this way it is better for you to start doing exercises, be always happy and stop worrying. And on the top I am with you. . . . . .
• United States
28 May 07
I will try.
1 person likes this
@eyewitness (1580)
• Netherlands
28 May 07
I think it's better to get some help from an outsider.A therapist know how to handle this situations.You can try and talk to her but she's making this choice and it's hard to get this over.I've had a friend too luckily i was able to help her,but it's not easy.It can break you,because mentally it's heavy.I think in her case it's important to get professionel help.Her self-esteem isn't good and a professionel can help her to recover her self-esteem.
• Canada
28 May 07
If she's forcing herself to throw up, she's bulimic and there's not a whole lot you can do. She will see herself as fat and gross looking, even if she's not, and no amount of anyone saying she looks awesome will change that. To fight this, she needs professional help. However, as a friend, you can be there for her. Be the shoulder she may want to cry on, be the ear she may want for someone to listen, and be the eyes to try and look out for her. Be supportive, and don't try to force her to do anything. That will only make her withdraw and push you away from her. Being a supportive friend at this time may just make her realize what she's doing.
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
28 May 07
Is there anyway you can talk to your friend without hurting her feelings? I mean is she one that might listen to you? or come to you for advice? or even just for a chat? the reason I ask this is because maybe she might open up to you about how she is feeling about her weight and all. If you approach her in a way that she won't take offense and maybe tell her that you have noticed certain changes in her behavior, or her body weight, or emotions or something along those lines just to get her talking and possibly opening up a little. I'm sure she will be in denial and will probably get upset at you but if you approach it in a way where she feels comfortable talking to you or may appear to open up, then maybe that's a start. I would research more into eating disorders and possibly find out if there are people in your area that could help her. It's going to take some time for her to realise what she is doing to herself and maybe with your support and friendship, in time you might be able to get her the help she needs. I don't really know what else to say as I have not been in this situation before. I hope she finds help.
• Canada
27 May 07
I would say just try to be there for her. Maybe tell her you know and just tell her that when she wants to accept what she is doing that you will be there to help her get through it. Even if shes is upset you know she will come to realize that you are just trying to help. If she doesn't want any help at all i would suggest to her mother that putting her in rehab would be the best thing for her. All you can do is be there.
• United States
27 May 07
I have not decided if I want to tell her I know yet. I am very worried about her and will always be here for her no matter what.
• Canada
27 May 07
just make sure she knows it even if you decide to not tell her you know. This disease can make people think all kinds of weird things so just assure her ok and good luck I hope she can get better soon
1 person likes this
• United States
27 May 07
Yeah so do I.
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
28 May 07
I'm not sure which one is the right medical terms but this sounds like either bulimia or anorexia symptoms. I am naturally skinny I can't eat much since I've never done so, but in the girl's case she used to eat but now she doesn't eat anymore. She needs to see a doctor if not she'll lose nourishment and she could die.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 May 07
I know but she will not agree that has a problem.
• United States
28 May 07
As a friend, you can only support her and not try to force her to do anything - forcing her will only cause her to withdraw and push you away. Just let her know you're there for her if she wants support or needs to get help!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 May 07
Yes that is pretty much all I can do.
• United States
28 May 07
Talk to her and listen to what she has to say. You mentioned she is struggling with weight loss, so that is one reason she is doing it. She may feel her weight is too much and in order to lose or not to gain any more she vomits after she eats. She is bulimic and she also sounds a little anorexic as well. Yes, one can have both. I was once bulimic and I struggled a lot, I didn't vomit but I did use laxatives, which is just as bad. I got help thorugh friends and family. In her case she needs more than just friends and family, since obviously family is not helping. You need to talk to her and her mother about getting her some help, in fact just talk to her mother about it. If she gets upset with you for it, then just tell your friend that it is for the best and that you worry about her and you only want her to feel better. If your friend continues on this path, she will die early. So now is the time to get help for her. Do it! Don't think about it. Help her, talk to her be there for her and get her help soon. I'll keep her and you in my prayers.
1 person likes this
@Michele21 (3095)
• United States
29 May 07
I am so sorry! I was bulimic for 4 year, up until I got pregnant with my daughter and having a baby changed everything for me. I had someone else to take care of so I couldn't do that anymore. It is a really hard thing and if she isn't willing to admit she has a problem and try to get help nothing will do any good. Just be supportive of her and don't "get on to her" that will make it worse if she feels like she is being attacked. Maybe if she is willing to go to therapy she could get help, but if she isn't she will have to do things her own way. It is a terrible thing to be going through and you have to remember she is probably miserable doing that to herslef. You become comsumed with food and not eating it and losing weight, it is a terrible mind-set to be in. I really feel for her because I can understand what she is going through. Maybe you can suggest exersicing with her, something to burn calories so she will see that she can do things the right way through exersicing, not starving and then throwing up. I wish I had soe great advice for you since I have been through it but I don't, she has to be willing to change or get help and if she isn't pressing the issue with her will make things worse.