Infidelity--is it possible to have a second chance?

@TinaCL (429)
United States
May 29, 2007 12:33am CST
If your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you, would it be an automatic deal breaker? Or would you give him another chance? Could a relationship survive after one person has cheated? One of my best friends just broke up with her boyfriend after two years. He cheated on her twice, but each time she took him back. If I were in her shoes, I would have just walked away, but it's her decision and not mine. It really seemed like he was sorry for what he did and that he was really trying to change and to be a better person, but in the end he just couldn't come through for her. He had problems in his previous relationships and he really regretted his mistakes. Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater? Or can a leopard change his stripes? Is it possible to have a second chance and a clean slate? What do you think?
5 responses
@crazynurse (7489)
• United States
30 May 07
For me, the relationship would be over. I would be able to forgive, and hopefully remain friends...but I would not be able to stay in the relationship. I know that I would always be afraid that it would happen again, always second guessing the person's words and actions. It just wouldn't work for me.
1 person likes this
@TinaCL (429)
• United States
31 May 07
Yeah I'm with you there. Forgiving is one thing, staying in the relationship is another. If someone cheats, that's usually a sign that something is already wrong in the relationship.
• United States
30 May 07
I don't think it's "once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater"! BUT, I know that if I was cheated ON, I would have a really difficult time TRUSTING her again, and without TRUST, there IS no relationship! Even if I DO "4-give", I'd probably always be wondering, in the back of my head, if she would go that route AGAIN, should we hit a "bump in the road". I don't believe it's IMPOSSIBLE 4 a relationship 2 survive, but it sure would take a considerable amount of time 2 REGAIN that lost trust, and in some cases, it can NEVER come back! But, YES, a "leopard" CAN change his or her "stripes", because cheating is NOT a trait or quality, but a BEHAVIOR, and ALL BEHAVIORS can change! U have 2 get 2 the ROOT cause of WHY the person chose 2 cheat in the 1st place! What's going on in your relationship that would make that person feel like cheating was a "solution"? What's gone on in their own INDIVIDUAL life, 2 where they choose 2 cheat, INSTEAD of facing the REAL ISSUES that are troubling them? I think, at the end of the day, it all depends on how close u are 2 your mate, how emotionally involved u are, and how much u actually WANT 2 make that relationship work! All of these factors will determine whether u give someone a 2nd chance or not! I know that, LOGICALLY speaking, I would NOT give a 2nd chance, because, as I said, the trust would be BROKEN, and without trust, u have NOTHING! But, we all know that logic and EMOTIONS have absolutely NOTHING 2 do with each other! And, when it comes 2 RELATIONSHIPS, I think that MOST of us operate MORE out of our EMOTIONS than logic, 9 times outta 10! So, with THAT said, if I'm really IN LOVE with the woman, and I've invested alot of TIME and ENERGY into her, into the relationship, then I'd probably at LEAST hear her out! After THAT, it's all "up in the air"!
@TinaCL (429)
• United States
31 May 07
Yeah I agree--sometimes it really isn't an issue of forgiveness. Even if you're able to forgive it might still be hard to trust that person again. In such cases, trust is something that has to be earned. Cheating is not a character trait--it's a behavior. People have a choice whether or not to cheat.
@inked4life (4227)
• United States
29 May 07
I'd like to say that I could take the high road and give mt wife another chance because I love her so much but to be honest I think it would be a definite deal breaker for me. My wife travels a lot with work and every time she went I'd be at home wondering what she was up to...it would be very hard to trust again and once the trust is gone, I believe the relationship is over.
1 person likes this
@TinaCL (429)
• United States
29 May 07
Forgiving someone is important--not so much for the other person, but for yourself. Who wants to walk around being angry, hurt, and resentful? I know I wouldn't. If a boyfriend ever cheated on me, I'd hope I would be able to find it in my heart to forgive him--but forgiving does not meant that you have to stay with that person. It can also come in the form of an amicable parting.
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
29 May 07
Well.. yes. I experienced it when my husband had a relationship with his co employee. I tried to save our marriage ...and do my very best. But in the end I learned that their relationship still continue... I decided to let go. It is important to give it a chance and try to save the relationship but we should not forget to respect ourself and lea rn to let go... when all is done but nothing happens.
1 person likes this
@TinaCL (429)
• United States
29 May 07
Wow what a horrible ordeal to have to go through! I guess if I were in your sitaution, I'd forgive once. If it happened a second time I'd take it as a sign that it's not meant to happen and to just let it go.
@coolseeds (3921)
• United States
29 May 07
If my girlfriend cheated on me sure I would give her a second chance. A second chance at a relationship with someone else. If someone cheats on you they do not respect you. Therefore they WILL CHEAT when ever they get the chance.
1 person likes this
@TinaCL (429)
• United States
29 May 07
Yeah, people who cheat once tend to cheat again. I've never heard of a case where someone cheated once, reformed, and was able to save the relationship. If she really wanted to be with you, then she wouldn't have cheated to begin with.