Is it possible to love two people

United States
May 30, 2007 9:10am CST
I was having a get together the other night and we were all haveing a conversation don't know how the subject got started but one of our male friends stated that he loved two women. I told him that was impossible you give your heart away to one person. Although I am not sure I agree his argument made sense. He stated that he could not control his heart and although he loved his wife of 8 years some how through just talking he has fallen in love with another women but still loves his wife dearly. Although his wife doesn't really socialize with us. I got mad at him. He hasn't been unfaithful but truly does love this other women. So my lotters what do you think can you love more than one person? I would really like to hear others opinions on this,
6 people like this
29 responses
• United States
30 May 07
Certainly you can love more than one person. The entire concept of only loving ONE person is a cultural stigma that is enforced by local taboo's. We are social creatures who value each other. You can romantically love more than one person and not cheapen either feeling, because your reasons for loving someone are different with each person. Now if you're asking if it's alright if he persues an adulterous relationship with that woman, then no I don't think its right. He needs to let his wife know that he has feelings for someone else, despite how it will damage their supposed happiness. If he'd not been having long interesting talks with other women, he'd not be in this mess in the first place. So, in short, I agree a man can love more than one woman deeply and truly. I don't agree that he lie about it though, and if he's married his wife deserves to know the man she loves is out having deep loving discussions with other women. In a way that's worse than simply fornicating, as with base lust all you do is satisfy an urge. He did something worse, he let his heart get into it and that's the true issue. He promised to love, and honor his wife, keep her safe and cling only to her (or whatever marriage vows are in his culture, i'm assuming is all.) So, his actions are those of a man, who simply does not keep his promises. IF he discusses things with his wife, or you live in a culture were multiple wives are allowable and she doesn't mind the inclusion of another possible love interest for her husbands affections, then go for it. IF he is from a culture where such things are discouraged and his wife is made miserable then he should learn to not go flirt with other females.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 07
Here it is not acceptable to be with more than one person and I do agree that giving your heart to someone else is probably worse than actaully cheating. I think that is so sacred. I know that you can't control your heart but he needs to control his actions. I don't know how deep he is because I was actaully getting upset with the whole conversation.
• United States
31 May 07
I'm a big fan of following your heart despite what the world holds in store for you. I can't condone someone causing pain to one they made promises of a life time too though. You can love more than one person deeply. You can't be true to your wife though, if you're going out falling in love with other women. Marriage is something beyond simple heart yearnings, it's a sacred committment. That being said, if his culture and his wife won't allow him the luxury of multiple love interests his only honorable solution is to choose one or the other.
• United States
30 May 07
Yes dear, a person can love more than another person at the same time. No doubt about it, as it has happened to me. But, in our society, and vows, we must be faithful, and let one go.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 07
That must have been hard. I have gotten a lot of opinions but you are the first to say you actually experienced it. Did you pick your husband and if so was it because of the commitment?
@kaka135 (13484)
• Malaysia
30 May 07
I think it's possible to love more than 1 person. We are just being taught to be in love and love one person only nowadays. There were old days where people have more than 1 wives, and I believe some of them really love all of their wives. Although I think it's possible, I totally disagree of loving more than 1 person nowadays. Well, unless the wife knows about this and all of them can accept this, then it's fine. I've heard that a guy is in love with two girls, and three of them are really closed to each other. I don't understand how they can handle this kind of relationship, I just think if the people involved know about the situation and they agree with this, then it's totally fine, coz it's their choices. If the wife is innocent in this case, then it's really not fair for the wife. As for myself, I don't think I can love more than 1 person. Loving only one already takes me time and effort to grow the relationship, I don't think I can stand for loving more than 1. Moreover, I'm not that open to do so too. :p
• United States
30 May 07
I couldn't handle knowing my husband was in love with someone else besides me. It would kill me inside. I agree its hard enough working on one relationship let alone trying to keep two going.
@yojspew (171)
• Philippines
30 May 07
I agree with Dan...you can love as many people as you can but you but out of those people you only need to chose one whom you will give your heart. There's a big difference between being loving and being unfaithful...Always remember that once you've committed yourself to the other person he or she will be the only one you'll give your heart to.
@maucute (980)
• Philippines
30 May 07
yes, it is really possible to love 2 people.. I'm not sure though if you can love 2 people both equally, I think there will always be one on top.. Probably there would be only one true love but the others will be just plain love you will feel.. I'm not sure if love is the right term to call for the other woman because maybe he would think that he is inlove when in fact it is just infatuation.. We as people sometimes would be in denial of things because we are still expecting something good even if we know that there's a chance that the outcome might not be totally good..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 May 07
I think that it is possible to love two people at the same time but never at the same degree and reason. I think that your friend loved another woman probably because she has qualities that his wife doesn't have and vice versa. But, I'm not saying that it's right. It's definitely unfair for both women especially to his wife for not being faithful to her when it comes to his heart. But he probably loves his wife more since he still hasn't left her for the other woman and still comes home to her.
@magikrose (5425)
• United States
31 May 07
Yes it is completely possible. I know someone who lives a polyamerous life style. That means that he loves more than 1 women and she is allowed to love another man, and everyone knows about eachother. I happen to be the other women. The thing is we have not done anything physical with eachother. I currently live in 1 state and he lives in another and it is over an 8hr drive to visit.
• United States
31 May 07
Wow don't you get jealous of her getting more time than you. Don't mean to pry.I know that it works for some people. I just know that I am a jealous person when it comes to my spouse.
@magikrose (5425)
• United States
31 May 07
Yeah sometimes I do but I know that he loves me just the same. Plus I am also married so my husband is here to keep me company. Both men know about eachother and all is good.
• India
31 May 07
well for me this dosen't seem to be strange because I am through this situation a lot many times... but I am not married though..... I love my girl friend a lot... by the side wise I even love a lady opposite to my house...
• Philippines
31 May 07
On my own personal opinion. Yes you could love two people or multiple individuals. GOD designed us to Love may it be for things for people for a God and etc. but the BIG question is this if you love something so dearly would you take for granted that thing or person? it's a question of being faithful it comes with it, if you really love that person then be with him/her. but if you think, he/she don't deserve your love search for somebody else.
@scaunel (71)
• Romania
31 May 07
Love is a wonderful thing! It's not bad to love somebody, but considering that your friend is married, he should think twice before loving another woman.His wife might be upset and it could ruin his marriage.Nobody wins.
@sreevasu (2718)
• India
31 May 07
Yes. I am in love with two. One is my partner and another is my friend, I would say, my soul mate. I never thought about right or wrong in doing this instead all my concern was both of them are beloved for me in one way or other. I don't want to lie to both. They both love me too. A psychological analysis performed on this topic, by Moumitamazumder (a myLot member) posted this comment: "Love is a feeling that results from the sympathy, care, understanding, and liking that you grow in your mind for the person of your opposite gender. If the same type of feeling overcomes you for another person, and in a similar way, then it is definitely possible, that you start loving more than one person at the same time, and with the same intensity. This love will then not be the selfish love, but the true love. But of course it will not be allowed by your partner or society, but that is again a separate case. I was talking about the technical aspect of this topic." (I just copied this comment - and my response too - from another similar discussion here)
@321633wy (1795)
• United States
31 May 07
That's rediculars being unfaithful to his wife.He is playing with the fire and eventualy he will get burn some day.Eventhough love is sharing but not in this case,no women or men would like to share their love with other men/women except their partner (husband/wife).
@gloria777 (1678)
• India
31 May 07
Yes, it is possible to love two people, but can be committed to only one. No one can remain committed to more than one person in life.
• Pakistan
31 May 07
As far as i am concerned about the love or more precisely "True Love" it is always with religion because one never retires from his/her religion. Now the love with wife , kids or family is something that can not be measured i think the person who is in love with two women can not understand his feelings because i think he might be in love with her wife but "Likes" the other women or vice versa so i think he needs to re access his feelings
@fabeboso (102)
• Philippines
31 May 07
There's a different between admire and love, don't know how your friend see the other girl but lets put it this way, I think it would be possible for a man to love someone when he saw something special about that person.But this is a wrong act since your friend is already married, if he just admire the girl I think there will no problem with this unless they are having an intentionally affair behind his wife.
@forisuru (217)
• Sri Lanka
31 May 07
Dear friend, you are doing the world's most unpleasent thing.think about it this way. what will happen if your wife loves another man. what will happen to you. be honest my dear friend. thanks
@kclaret59 (587)
• Philippines
31 May 07
i guess it is possible to love two persons but to love him the way you love the other is quite another story. you tend to love someone with all your heart and that is the reason why you can't equally love two people. you might just as well have given the other one a portion of it but not really the equal half. but in distinguishing who we love more is the difficult part. and it is one thing only your heart can tell.
@azimsay (546)
• India
31 May 07
how you are asking this quistion it is imposible to love both.if we try this way one will get more one will get less.
• China
31 May 07
Sorry,I think it is impossible.Because when you love someone,you should give your whole heart to him or her.So you can have no space to give to another person.Yeah your male friends are.But only one is his true liver.He loves his wife bucause of his resposibility.Another woman is love.I think/.
• Taiwan
31 May 07
depend on what love define into. love as sweet heart, love as buddy. as sweet heart is possible and as buddy and sweet heart will be long lasting relationship. in the mean time, love to his wife as a life companion who will take care of you incase of you become sick, love to your sweet heart as make you feel young again, this kind of love is risky, is kinky, is fun.