Is she wrong for leaving her child?

United States
May 31, 2007 7:56am CST
My sister-in-law is getting ready to leave to go out of state for a job. She wants to be a flight attendant and has to go away for almost three months for training. During her training she will be required to take a few international flights. She says that she will have one week to come down and see her son in September. I myself being a mother of two couldn't imagine leaving my children just for a job when there are many local jobs available that will pay you just as much as being a flight attendant. Do you think that she should stay and care for her son? She recently told my brother that she's going to need him to watch after their son from June until September. I don't really think that she's ever coming back because that's the same thing that her mother did with her when she was just 2. Maybe she takes after her mother when it comes to leaving your children.
5 people like this
15 responses
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
31 May 07
Sound like she may be on the run Im not sure why any mother would want to leave there children behind it certenly isnt something I could do.Would you think that after having that pain in her life she would know how her child would feel.I think certain careers should be thought out before having children knowing that certain jobs would be harder to take after you have children.
• Canada
31 May 07
As a mother of five I wouldn't be able to do this either but we each have different values in life and obviously her values are different from ours . Chances are that if she doesn't want to be around him then he will probably be better off with you brother as he will at least have someone who wants to watch him and care for him and be there for him when he needs someone .
1 person likes this
@stormygrl (763)
• United States
31 May 07
Yea it sounds like she may be taking off. How old is the child ? Why bother having kids if you're not ready to raise them. They should be talking this over and decide their future. Once she's done with training the traveling continues even more.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 May 07
I agree with you that her leaving may result in her not coming back and as bad as you think it may or may not be, All you can do is pray that she's going to honestly come back for the sake of your nephew! It is her choice to leave and forcing someone to stay where they dont want to is more detrimental to a child than just being abandonded. Both will be harmful but which do you think would be more harmful....A mother constantly making excuses for why she couldnt be there for him or her just disappearing and no longer being part of his life?
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
1 Jun 07
We are only hearing one side of the story so we can not judge her. This woman may have a great opertunity to advance herself in the work world and since she is not with the babies father she may need to advance herself in the work world to support the child. I know that my cousin was a single mom and was seperated from her daughter when she was young because she wanted her daughter to go to good schools and the area they lived in was not a good one. Then she worked jobs that took her away from home in evening hours and she did not want to leave her daughter home with a sitter. My cousin was very lucky to have a sister that took my niece in and raised her right along with her own. My cousin was there as much as she could be but it was very hard on both of them. We do not know why this woman is doing this and we can not say if she is right or wrong because we are not walking in her shoes. The father of this child should be happy that the woman thinks enough of him to leave her son with him. Maybe he just doesn't want to be responsible for his own child. Instead of thinking the worst maybe we should hope for the best. I will do what is need to take care of my child and if being away from my child for a period of time is best then I am going to do it.
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
1 Jun 07
well, in the first place, did she plan to have her son? my guess is that it sounds like she might not planned on having a son, and is trying to 'grab' another life whilst she can. To distance herself, to live apart from your brother, and 'regain' another life of independence and freedom. by choosing to train for such a career she knows she's not going to see her son much. for her son's sake I hope this is not true. too many people have children before they are ready for the commitment. that's so sad for the kid.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
1 Jun 07
This is very, very sad. You should never abandon your child for a job, not to mention that she is also leaving her husband for three months. Why would she get married and have a child in the first place if she were going to continue to live as if she was a single career woman. You may be right about her not coming back. She may have it set in her mind that she wants to find out what was so appealing about her own mother leaving her. Hopefully, her heart will break enough for her to run back home to her family. I just could not imagine doing this for all the money in the world. A child only has two parents and that child needs both parents to be there as much as possible to see that the child gets the best possible chances in life. This is selfish and she needs to put aside her own agenda. If I were her husband, I would not encourage this. I would want her to get a local job and help raise the child that she helped bring into the world.
@suman76 (648)
• India
1 Jun 07
Some where you are right also but I think you don't compare her with her mother. May she is thinking tht she will make bettr carrier over their to feed his son and give a good life to him. Because today it is very hard to survive everything is so expensive that one salary is not enough to run your family. The compitition in childrens are too much. Everybody wants to give good education to his children for their shake everybody has to sacrific. Please be positive. I know even I can't leave my child like this. You can't believe tht I am not changing my job because it is very near and I can reach my home at 6.15, if I go in other place for job I would have reach near Bout 8.00 PM. So all the mothers are not same . If she has taken a hard decision then there must be some motive.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
1 Jun 07
I can't judge her just yet because it is possible that she will come back for her son. She might just be trying to better her life for her and her son both. I don't know her story so I wont speak down on her. I do know that I'm a mother of two and I couldn't do it. Wherever I go, my kids go. Sometimes dreams are broken, but you have to make that sacrifice sometimes. It could be that she is being selfish right now and not thinking to much about her son, but I don't know. She probably had this dream to be a flight attendant for some time and wants to fallow her dreams. I guess it's all good if her son is in a safe place. Wont he be with daddy? She might have good intentions.
• United States
1 Jun 07
I personally couldn't leave my children for any reason at all. I was once asked to join the military by a recruiting officer and I told him no. When he asked me why, I told him there was no way in **** that I would ever leave any of my kids for anything. I can't imagine why any parent would.
• Nigeria
31 May 07
lol i think she should be able to decide what she wants with her life, either she wants to become a bad mother or a good mother. Why can't she take the child with her? what about the father of the child? i think you need to sit her down and tell her your fears about her running away and the two of you should discuss it. But to me i dont think she might want to do that, maybe you are pre-judging her
@vampoet (825)
• Singapore
31 May 07
You can't judge a person for her actions. Maybe she is taking after her mother maybe she is pursuing her dream. Leaving the child behind is a sacrifice she is making for her career. Well...she is not alone...many people do that. Wouldnt comment on whether it is right or wrong....the world has many shdes of grey in it...nothing is black or white
@djbtol (5498)
• United States
31 May 07
Well, since you asked I will tell you what I think. Your sister is wrong! Not that she will see it that way, but her role as mother is supreme to any job. Mother is not one of many options. If you are a mother, you owe it to the child to be there for the child. The strong push in U.S. society is the lie that anyone can raise the child and that it does not matter who. The liberals and democrats push an agenda that says anyone in the village can raise the child, and the governemnt is the best and final authority to decide what is best for the child. The role of parents is totally neglected and cast aside. I doubt your sister will believe me, but that does not mean that I am wrong. Have a wonderful day. djbtol
@becca29 (40)
• United States
31 May 07
I have two children also, in this case I beleive she thinks she is trying to do better for herself and her son. You did not say how old her son is maybe he is old enough to understand what and why she is choosing to do this, I do not know. Or maybe she can not deal with being a mother and what you said about her is true, if not I hope you think about comments like that later in life. Besides the boy will be with your brother it is his child to right? Just because you say this is something you say you could never do does not make her a terrible person I'm sure to her she is just trying to do better for hersalf and her son. Don't mean to step on your feet here, but I don't think you have really thought about from her point of view.
• Kottayam, India
31 May 07
It is not a problem, many children are suffering due to this type of circumstances.But as far as profession is concerned we have to fight it out.You can keep children with the baby sitters.