Do you feel guilty being a stay at home mom?

United States
June 1, 2007 1:36pm CST
Even though I know that my job as stay at home mom is very important for our daughter's development, sometimes I feel guilty that I don't have a job that brings in money for the household. Do you ever go through this? How do you deal with it?
3 people like this
8 responses
• Canada
3 Jun 07
Yes for most of my life I have been a stay at home mom . The odd time here and there I have had a job for a short period of time but then would end up having to give it up . Just within the last couple of months I gave up a job I had because my children were so upset with me not at home and one of the oldest was becoming withdrawn . They are so used to always having me around that it was hard on them when I wasn't here even though I was only working part time . I also took a lot of heat from this when I gave up my job from family and friends who said I was letting my children control me and that children needed to realize that parents had to work . I would do anything for my children and to me it was not that big of a job to give up my job for them but I do feel guilty about not bringing in any money and helping suppor the family and find it even harder when so many of my family and friends just look at me as lazy because I am not working and am a stay at home mom . I have five children and they do consume a lot of my time but now that two of my daughters are out working and I am not as I am home with the younger children , I feel even worse about the fact that I am at home while they are out working even though they are doing this because they want to and not because I made them do this . I don't really have a good way to deal with this except to take each day as it comes .
• United States
3 Jun 07
You have expressed my feelings exactly. We are very limited in our income. And, sometimes I feel like it would be better for me to go out and get a paying job. But, then I would have to pay daycare costs. And, the cheapest, state regulated health care locally costs around $500 monthly. And, that's just for one child. That's pretty cheap compared to what some moms pay. But, it would eat up an entire part time pay check. I just don't see how it would be worth it. I spend most of my time caring for one very active toddler, and it is very energy draining. So, I can only imagine what you must go through. You have a bigger job than I do, so I have no right to complain! Most outsiders don't understand the mom job very well. Or, they wouldn't be so quick to critisize. Thank you for the inspiring words. Just knowing that I am not alone in my situation helps me refocus on the important people in my life. I feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful family at home and amazing friends online to talk with during times of trouble.
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
3 Jun 07
I do feel guilty sometimes, but usually not for long. I do still bring in some money because I do some work from home stuff, but it's nothing like what I used to make when I was working. I was making around $2500 before, now I'm making more like $500 each month. But now that I'm home with the baby, everyone is happier. I cook more, I clean more, and my 16 month old gets attention anytime he needs it. It works out well. And we've cut down on spending enough, that it really doesn't seem like we have a whole $2000 less each month. We ate out a lot more when I was working. I also didn't clip coupons and watch for sales as much as I do now. I literally save hundreds a year with coupons. It's not uncommon for me to save $100 or more with coupons, sales, rebates, etc every two weeks when we shop. So I consider that to be another contribution I make to the family. Daycare prices are outrageous here, too. It would be over $1000 a month to take our one child to daycare, and I was just working part time! And then there's gas, and different clothing for work to consider. At home, I can wear whatever I want, and if my son smears something all over my shirt, big deal. If it stains, I can still wear it "to work" because I know my "Boss" won't mind. :) So really when everything is factored in, it's really not so bad. I would just be making a few dollars more than I do now, and I would be spending all that time away from my precious son if I was still working outside of our home.
• United States
3 Jun 07
I had not considered all the other expenses that you mentioned, like transportation costs and clothing. Local day care is around $600 month for one child, too. My part time pay check would be completely gone! It's not worth it! Thank you for your advice.
• United States
17 Oct 07
I know what you mean about feeling guilty. I felt that way all the time. Even when we went out and I would feel like he has all the money and I can't just indulge on buying myself something with my own money. I now make my own money through my own home based internet business that is legit and I do make a real income. It feels good again to have my own money and stay home with my two kids. (see there pics)in my profile and MY Personal Website. Now I never have to feel that way again and I feel important again making money from home and helping others.
• United States
5 Jul 07
I went through that a lot my first year of staying home, but since then I've gotten over it. IT's not for everyone and somedays I feel it's not for me, but I keep telling myself it won't last forever. And people tell me a lot that someday I'll wish I could have these days back (very hard to believe that although I'm sure they're right). I certainly don't let other people get to me. In some instances I feel sorry for other people when they tell me they wish they could stay home, but it's obvious they could if they would give up a few things. They are missing out, not me. Occasionally even now my husband will say things about me getting a job and I hate it when he says those things, but I know he doesn't want our kids to go to daycare either. Some times we think money will solve all our problems. And it would solve a lot of them, but would it really make you happy in every instance? Something even I should think about.
@youless (93036)
• Guangzhou, China
3 Jun 07
Please don't think so. A housewife is also a very important job. Even you can't bring some real money for your family, but actually what you have given to your family is beyond money. Your house is clean and neat. Your husband will have a nice dinner and a cozy home. Your daughter will have a good care. Isn't that much more expensive than money?
@peavey (16856)
• United States
2 Jun 07
Don't feel guilty! You have the most important job of all - raising your own children. No one can do it as well as you can. As far as money goes, use the time you have at home to learn ways to save money. Some studies have calculated that some women can save more money than they can make working outside the home, after clothing, transportation, child care, taxes, etc., are figured in.
@jmcafam (2891)
• United States
2 Jun 07
I do feel guilty for staying at home while my hubby brings in the money. He works very hard to make the money we live off of and even goes in on his weekends on occasion to help get a little extra cash for when we really need it. So, now I try not to complain about the little things like me getting some time to myself or him helping out with things around the house.
@maehan (1445)
• United States
1 Jun 07
Hi beautyqueen26, you have spoken out of my mind. YES! YES! YES! I had been guilty ever since I am a stay-at-home mom for 8 months without bringing back a single cents to the household. This is the first time staying at home after working for 20 years. I felt very bad, feeling useless, stupid or good for nothing after I resite in US under dependent visas. I had been looking for employer that willing to sponser me a visas so I can work and on the financial at home. I also feel guilty that I am unable to give my boys the best education and enrichment course from the any of the best training center that I use to give them back in my hometown as I financially independent. Now, I am still in the midst of struggling to adapt the current situation. I must control the expenses. My children will go to the public school and at the same time homeschooling so in an event if we return to our hometown, they still able to catch up with the syllabus over there. Let us work together and get through this. I kept telling myself I am the financial chief officer of the family. ha ha ha.